AIBU to think my husband is a rude inconsiderate arsehole

[poppy54321]

He goes out without saying that he is going. I realise after a while of putting kids to bed that he is out. Doesn’t answer his phone. Now been out over 2 hours. I’m fed up of it, he does it often.

Do you know where he goes? Is it a pub or OW?

Bolt the door and go to bed.

Have you got “find my iPhone”? Get that added on his phone, then keep doing “play noise.”

Mine does this. Just goes out and doesn't say. I'd bloody love to do that. Usually he's popped to Tesco or something. He can't understand you say bye to people when you leave the house. He does tend to answer his phone though.

He says pub.

Does he say 'Hello' when he comes in, Op?

“Get that added on his phone, then keep doing “play noise.”

Mr Foo and I have this. I never thought of doing the play noise thing as a trick! What fun!

It’s so weird justgive. I still can’t decide if this isn’t rude for everyone, especially later at night. It is rude to me.

Love the play noise idea. That way you aren’t sneaking around about it.

I think popping down the pub with the kids one night might be just the thing. A full on screaming ranting fit complete with firm promises of repeat performances if he pulls this shit again.

No he doesn’t say hello. Sounds ominous doesn’t it?

Rude? It’s awful! So unfair! What if you just fucked off without warning and came back pissed???

Thank you queen so sounds like he is rude and inconsiderate at the least?

Tomorrow evening, could you just "pop out" for a few hours? Leave him with the kids and turn your phone off?

If not - why not? Why is it okay for him tons this and not you?

Have you told him it's inconsiderate? How does he justify it to you?

Arrogant and selfish.

Yes!!! You have a right to know where he is, who is solely responsible for the kids, and a bit of common courtesy. Seriously what would he do if you did this?

I honestly can’t believe you put up with this. I’m speechless. It’s so so out of order.

I think it's weird and rude.

My dp did it to me when we were first together because he forgot I was there - he was so used to just thinking about himself! He got out of it quite quickly though.

I think it's disrespectful if done regularly, like your needs and wishes are of no consequence. It's potentially embarrassing too, say, if someone rings for him and you don't know he's gone out. I'd also worry about safety - if there was a fire, would you send a fire fighter in to look for him on the off-chance? It's just wrong on all levels.

Wow, I’d not have a problem with the going out but the way he does it is wrong

Poppy I asked the 'hello' question because what you are describing are indications of either 'Aspergers' or ' Autisim'. Sorry if this has come as a shock.

The problem with the op popping out is what if her H also pops out without checking shortly afterwards? Then the kids end up on their own.
But yes op, he is a rude inconsiderate arsehole. Ltb?

Elephantoverthehill I think you’re assuming that OPs husband simply lacks theory of mind whereas it’s perfectly possible he’s just a massive bastard.

Ooohhhhhh elephant. I hadn’t linked the two but I had thought he may be on the spectrum before. Never heard of the hello thing.

Slowlyshrinking that’s a good point.

So does he wait till you’re upstairs and then nicks off for a cheeky pint, or does he forget he’s got a wife and kids?