Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Received Facebook message about bf cheating

98 replies

Zoomb · 29/11/2017 17:52

Hello
So I have received two messages over the last couple of days about my boyfriend. I don't know what to think or what to do so some impartial advice would be great.
First I received a message from someone accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me and that he was on a dating app. This account then immediately disappeared so it looks like it was deleted. I bought this up with my boyfriend as I have been worried that he was on a dating app in the past. He denied this and said that someone must have the wrong person/ be a hoax.

I then received another message a day later (from a different account) saying that this person had been discussing with my boyfriend that they were going to rekindle their relationship and he had said that we were no longer together and she wanted to confirm that was true. Again I bought this up with him and he said he thinks it may be a crazy ex and that it's rubbish. I replied to this message (which seems like it's from a real account) saying that we are still together and that I don't believe her.
She's replied saying that's fine, I don't have to believe her but she believes me. And sorry for any upset.

Now i don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about it. I think it's a a hoax because of the first deleted account and that it would be too coincidencental to get 2 messages together. But I appear to have my doubts as I can't get it out of my head.

OP posts:
Zoomb · 30/11/2017 10:17

I set up a fake one. Swiped for a while and there it was. He says it's old but it has a photo on from 2 years ago so he obviously set it up at some point while we've been together.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 30/11/2017 10:30

Sorry Zoomb but what else can you do? He has to go.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/11/2017 10:34

Sorry Zoomb. He's already lied to you about talking to her on LinkedIn.

Now you've found him on a dating site.

What more proof do you need?

Dump.

ZigZagandDustin · 30/11/2017 10:37

My sister had this with her ex. Never confirmed as they broke up anyway shortly after but she's never doubted it either.

happypoobum · 30/11/2017 10:37

LTB - you will lose all your self esteem and respect if you stay.

Send him on his way to cheat on someone else.

There's a much better life out there for you.

Coconutspongexo · 30/11/2017 11:48

Well he could have deleted his account if it was old.

hmmmmm · 30/11/2017 12:36

He has some nerve

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 30/11/2017 13:00

If you easily found it while swiping, he's been on there recently.

username24 · 30/11/2017 13:53

So sorry..I've been in your boat. I'd come out of a horrible relationship so buried my head in the sand with new guy hoping the message was some mistake. After the 2nd then 3rd different woman I dumped him. He messaged me some time after and I told him good luck and to learn to treat people better, he told me it was all lies and wanted to try again, I said no, he got with someone and within weeks was single again messaging me. He's with someone now and messaged me again last week..I've now blocked and want nothing to do with him. What's that saying ' a leapord doesn't change its spots?'

hellsbellsmelons · 30/11/2017 14:12

Ahhh... I wish you'd have swiped right and seen if he got in contact with you.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 30/11/2017 14:21

You need to be strong.

He set up a fucking Tinder account while he was with you. You've confronted him and his best excuse is "it's old"?!!!

So he's a cheat and a liar.

He's always been secretive with his phone as he's always been unfaithful to you.

Dump the fucker, It's the only option. He won't change, he has no respect for you. He won't find respect just because you caught him out, although he may pretend to.

Sorry you're going through this Flowers

shoeaddict83 · 30/11/2017 14:30

Even if it was old - as you say the picture is only 2 years old, you've been together 4, so during your relationship he has still gone and set up a Tinder account looking for other women - how is that not a reason to dump him??

Codeeee · 30/11/2017 14:52

Op I feel so sorry for you, he's full of shit. Tinder hides your profile if you haven't been on for think it's two and a half weeks. Leave him and find yourself someone who ain't a cheating cunt. You deserve better than him.

SandAndSea · 30/11/2017 15:39

I'd be tempted to put up a fake pic and arrange to meet him somewhere you'd never normally be. Let him talk his way out of that.

Swingin · 30/11/2017 15:45

My DH and I are swingers. We meet single men on a site called Fabswingers. We ONLY meet men we can verify as single because we do not want to be facilitators to the 90% of the "single men" on there that are cheating on their poor unsuspecting partner. I have notified two different women via Facebook that their partner was on the site. Don't waste your life with a cheater. Don't ignore the signs and warnings and wake up in 5 or 10 years and realise that all the memories of the last 10 years are shot to shit because all that time he was cheating. Just don't do it.

gingergenius · 01/12/2017 07:40

My ex did this. We were going through a bad patch. I found a profile on POF. He told me he only looked 'to see what was out there' and had t approached anyone, and that the inky reason he did it was because he thought we were going to break up (ie we were still together but he was scoping my replacement).

I chucked him out. Turns out he was shagging his work colleague.

Ditch him

PinkTiger · 01/12/2017 13:55

It amazes me how many women brush this kind of message under the carpet and believe their bf/DH that it is made up.

If you aren't at school and are dealing with adults, the chances of this being made up are 00.1%. I'm not saying it never ever happens and their aren't malicious weirdos out there but it is very very unlikely so as to be improbable.

99.9% of the time of course it is true. It maybe that the messager has varying motives (good - to stop you being fooled like they were); neutral (self interesed - to see if the story he's fed her about being single is true) or bad (trying to split you up so he will go to her). Think about it - even a bad motive hasn't come from no where has it? A woman who wants a man to be her partner doesn't develop that feeling for a random stranger. It will be where there has been contact, feelings develop and sex.

Start with the basis its true - and then decide whether it matters to you and what you want to do about it.

Letdownlover · 01/12/2017 17:59

Im pretty sure its the same person behind the messages ... and i dnt think its a wind up ... why would someone go throu the effort to make a fake account just to pass a message on ... i feel like the person behind it really wants you to figure out what ur OH is really up to ... the fake account is just an easy way to get this info to you with as little involement possible ... the 2nd message was prob throu a friends account after deleteing the 1st account ... he / she prob wanted to no that you got the message after not replying to the fake account he / she used an account that was a little more plauseable ... i for one would of kept my mouth shut about it and kept my eyes and ears open from there on ... its amazing how easy you can miss things that are staring you in the face ... but confrontung ur bf you have given him the heads up to cover his tracks.

But i also could be wrong and it could all be a wind up.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/12/2017 19:24

Ahh he's giving the drip feed.
Only admitting what he thinks you know and when you dig a bit further, giving more info. You will never get the full story from him ever.

Sometimes Facebook anon messages are just shit stirrers, I had it happen to me. But doesn't sound like she's stirring.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/12/2017 19:24

Ahh he's giving the drip feed.
Only admitting what he thinks you know and when you dig a bit further, giving more info. You will never get the full story from him ever.

Sometimes Facebook anon messages are just shit stirrers, I had it happen to me. But doesn't sound like she's stirring.

andrea11745 · 23/10/2019 04:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RLEOM · 23/10/2019 17:00

Do you or him have any enemies? I do agree that there's no smoke without fire. And if he is cheating or anything of the sort, he's not exactly going to tell you, is he?

PinkMonkeyBird · 23/10/2019 17:04

ZOMBIE THREAD

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread