Received Facebook message about bf cheating

[Zoomb]

Hello
So I have received two messages over the last couple of days about my boyfriend. I don't know what to think or what to do so some impartial advice would be great.
First I received a message from someone accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me and that he was on a dating app. This account then immediately disappeared so it looks like it was deleted. I bought this up with my boyfriend as I have been worried that he was on a dating app in the past. He denied this and said that someone must have the wrong person/ be a hoax.

I then received another message a day later (from a different account) saying that this person had been discussing with my boyfriend that they were going to rekindle their relationship and he had said that we were no longer together and she wanted to confirm that was true. Again I bought this up with him and he said he thinks it may be a crazy ex and that it's rubbish. I replied to this message (which seems like it's from a real account) saying that we are still together and that I don't believe her.
She's replied saying that's fine, I don't have to believe her but she believes me. And sorry for any upset.

Now i don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about it. I think it's a a hoax because of the first deleted account and that it would be too coincidencental to get 2 messages together. But I appear to have my doubts as I can't get it out of my head.

This along with him being very careful with his phone would be a red flag to me.

You already had suspicions. Listen to your gut.

I also think men who go on about ‘crazy exes’ tend to be the ones who are up to no good (I know that’s a massive assumption to make)

Crazy ex? Wtf, has he asked who? If someone messaged my husband that, that I had been cheating on him and I hadn’t I would fucking hunt them down and make them apologise to my us for even suggesting it. I would go ape shit.

Him shrugging it off is him trying to minimise it. An innocent person would not shrug this off.

I’ve gotta say if I was in your shoes I would dump him immediately, especially if you’ve had doubts before.

Life is far too short

Crazy ex usually means he's a nob

From experience...

Exact same thing happened to me.

Questions boyfriend, got lame excuse about how she was obsessed with him and he had told her to leave him alone blah blah

Asked her for evidence... said she woukd send it later and it never came so I believed boyfriend

3 months later here's all the screenshots in my Facebook inbox... Christmas eve...

I want to throw out there that person one maybe just blocked you and didn't actually delete her account. Maybe she said what she had to but didn't want any backlash?

I hope you get to the bottom of it all.

Okay she does have his phone number though. Think I might have my answer

Which dating app is it? Set up a fake profile and see if you can find him maybe?

The phone number thing is odd.

He will delete his dating app as soon as you first mentioned it

Get her to call him when your there see if he squirms

I'd just dump and tell him to do one

Are they friends on fb? Get her to text him when you are in the room. See his reaction.

I rarely believe the 'crazy ex' line myself. On both occasions when I've been 'privileged' to know both sides of the story, the craziness only started when they got together with the ex bf. People tend to get a bit crazy when treated badly and with utter disrespect. Not to mention it's so fucking dismissive!

I'd make up a load of bullshit just to call him out e.g. "I know what you have been doing!, no point in lying I've already seen the proof!, the more you lie the bigger the hole you have dug" see if he comes clean...

This is so hard because anyone can just set up a fake Facebook account and send malicious and unfounded messages. On one hand, I think the odds of messages being sent genuinely far outweigh fabricated messages. However on the other hand I DO know of 2 people who have sent similar messages which weren't true for the sole purpose of causing shit.

Whilst I do often go with the idea there's no smoke without fire, after being the victims of a genuine crazy stalker (she was sentenced this month) I'm less inclined to believe randoms sending message over FB. Ours started out okay and started throwing infidelity accusations all over. Luckily it was easily disproved and we realised she was unhinged. I would recommend being really vigilant now you have been warned but don't take her accusations as gospel.

I've name changed for this post because it's all still a bit recent and I want time protect myself..... but.. .
I have recently done this (or should I say two very close friends did it on my behalf).

the story is that I met someone in January and dated briefly then met up again early April. I allowed myself to get totally sucked in by his manipulative lies and totally fell for him whilst all the time he was 'falling in love' and making someone else his girlfriend. I got endless stories from 'she's just a friend, she's a friend with benefits, I don't want to be with her but I can't get out of it, I'm really torn' etc etc. only when I was already in too deep did I actually realise I was his other woman.
the last straw was when I was picking him up one night and he had a phone conversation in my earshot with her and I had to listen to him telling her he loved her then just nonchalantly saying to me afterwards ' right, are you ready to go?'
I was humiliated and devastated and couldn't believe he could treat us both like that.

so she was told via Facebook messenger. I immediately deleted my account because I didn't want to be involved in any fall out.

anyway, she never responded to the messages. never asked for proof (of which they have plenty)..

basically she's still with him. good luck to her but I'm guessing he's lied through his teeth and she's believed him. I'm away from his toxicity for good, which I all I want.... but....

There is no smoke without fire. ever.

So I showed him the initial messages she sent a couple of days ago. This is when he said he recognises her from 10 years ago and that it was rubbish and that I shouldn't message her back.
I have no and this woman said he contacted her on LinkedIn and they started chatting. I've just confronted him and he has admitted talking to her on LinkedIn and that's it. So she's real, they've talked. It's just whether to believe it's innocent (and she's crazy for making this up) or if it's not (and he's lying).

Do you know which dating app it is? Maybe you could look for him on there?

The phone privacy is a massive red flag to me. Why would he want to hide it from you after 4 years?

Why would he lie about it? Lots of people make contact online all the time, there's no need to lie, unless...

Why was he not forthcoming about the LinkedIn connection in the first place?

I would ask to see the linkedIn messages he has. If he's zero to hide he won't mind

She has no reason to lie--- he has plenty of reasons to lie

Figure it out, it's not difficult. sorry

Ah. Now I believe her.

Uh-oh. He’s doing that thing of admitting only what you confirm you know. If there was nothing to it, why did he pretend he hadn’t heard from her for 10years?

I think you need to take a step back, give yourself a few days to mull it over and then you’ll see he’s lying. At the moment you’re too keen to believe him so you’ll be looking for reasons why she’s crazy, why he didn’t tell you etc.

Don't be a fool
Seriously
Life is too short
He's dodgy....

IF he’s secretive with his phone, that’s a massive marker to me. My ex was always secretive with his phone. Right from the beginning. Turns out he cheated on me right from the beginning. 6 affairs in 20 years, that I know about. There’s doubtless more. I didn’t realise the extent of it until near the end.