Early red flags when dating someone...

[GinandShambles]

I need some help. I recently started dating someone who I really quite like, but there are a couple of things he has told me about his past relationships (about the way he used to act in them) which have me questioning things.

What are the warning signs? I feel like I should trust my instincts on this one, but want to make sure my reaction wouldn't be out of proportion to the situation.

Sorry for the vagueness. I've been forced to Namechange....

He's a master manipulator who you are going to be well rid of.

Just message him then wait for him to show his true colours which will prove you were right.

He will be livid that you have seen through his facade!

It's done. Its over. I should be relieved but I feel like a massive pile of shite right now. I know this is the right thing though.

Gottadoit It's not a bad thing at all, is it. Your post has reassured me of that and that a relationship has to work for me, too, and this just doesn't.

butterfly I'm afraid he has gone straight for the sympathy vote. He is talking about how much of a cunt he has been and how it's dragged up all these bad feelings in him from his past.

I am still so sad about this. I wanted it to work between us so much.

Please block this person. He's utterly toxic. He's abusive, ffs, he's textbook classic. He's using manipulation on you and you are not in a strong spot now, so do what's best for you and block him.

He is talking about how much of a cunt he has been and how it's dragged up all these bad feelings in him from his past

'Oh dear, what a shame. Perhaps next time don't be a cunt? Simples. Fuckity bye'.

Yeah it’s dragged up bad feelings for him of previous times he was abusive - poor him!

If only there was some sort of list where you could name abusive exes for future partners!

Run and don't look back. You may feel tempted to get back with him if he lays on the guilt/pleading/tears/self pity enough. But please don't. It will end in tears, my ex showed me who he was early but a lack of worldliness and low self esteem meant I ignored it. What a mess that ended up. Stay strong now you have made that first move to get rid.

Well done, now it's time to block. Stay strong op. The freedom program is a very good idea.

Unbelievable that he’s trying to get sympathy because his shit behaviour reminds him of all the other abusive things he’s done.

If you hadn’t dumped him there would have been no end to it, just increasing awfulness. Well done. And stay strong.

'Unbelievable that he’s trying to get sympathy because his shit behaviour reminds him of all the other abusive things he’s done.'

It's a well worn tactic to reel the victim back in. Make it all about themselves, how damaged they are, so sorry, blah blah, you're the one who can change me, make me a better man, etc.. Then they're all sweet for a bit then come back in with more emotional abuse. It's not called a cycle for nothing.

Block, block, block. STOP engaging with him.

Don't engage with OP
I know it's really difficult when you are a decent person to try and see the good in someone.
He's trying to manipulate your good nature.
Don't fall for his bullshit.
You deserve so much better.

You recently started dating him, and he had an ugly episode of jealousy . it means he already thinks he owns you.
Your instincts ate good op, make sure you let them serve you.

So many wise ones on here. You are all keeping me afloat tonight and I have read and taken in every single one of your posts, even if I don't respond to you directly. Thank you.

I am so glad that my instincts are so right on this occasion (thank you Ohyesiam for reassuring me of how good they are). I trust in them so much more now. It's funny, actually; as a side note m driving instructor is always nagging about how I need to judge my instincts with certain things while I drive and that i'm not trusting myself. I have my test on Weds so I am hoping I can apply my trust to that, too.

You know what gets me? Is how many of you have had to go through this and are now helping little old me out. I've never been with someone like this before and without your experiences and advice it could have easily been me.

and tanks. I can't thank you all enough. I just wish none of us had to suffer this.

Got to be honest. Sounds like you are dating my stbex.

He accessed mumsnet and spent days looking through people posting historys, so he could guess if it was me. He was emotionally abusive and shocked at the revelation. He got help. Except the help just managed to show him how to change up his rountine and keep me manipulated and scared longer.

I have 2 kids with him and I am scared for them. He is also really good at coming across as respectful of me to others. They are quite shocked when i tell them he sexually assaulted me....several times.

Truth is...he is a dickhead. Who has learnt to adapt his abuse and I worrt about anyone getting involved with him.

I know, chances are that its not my ex, but they sound similar. You made the right decision.

Well done for being so strong GinandShambles - and good luck for your test!

My ex treated his mother very very well. He loved her ( with hindsight they where too close) - he put her first and he did hit me numerous times.