Is it weird I've never dated anyone I fancy?

[Kellyopio]

I'm in my early 30s now.
I've never dated anyone I actually fancy.
The man I'm seeing now is lovely,but I don't fancy him at all,and the thought of sleeping with him makes me cringe a little.
The men who i do really fancy would never be interested in me.
Is this normal?
I really would love just once to date /even just 1 date with a man I really find attractive.
It might sound stupid but it scares me to think it might never happen.
My type is broad shoulders,bit of a beard(if you've been watching X factor Matt type)
Never in a million years would someone like him look twice at me.
It makes me feel sad.
Will I ever fancy any one I date?

Honestly? No it's not normal. I've never dated or had a LTR with anyone who is a chiselled Adonis, but I've always felt sexually attracted to them.

The man I'm seeing now is lovely,but I don't fancy him at all,and the thought of sleeping with him makes me cringe a little.

I think you should let him go then. This is an awful way to think about someone, can you imagine how hurt he would be if he knew this?

I’ve never dated anyone I don’t fancy... it wouldn’t occur to me to do so!

I do like the people I've dated etc otherwise I wouldn't but it's not mad passion where I want to rip off their clothes.

Is this normal?
Um ...not in my experience, no.
I wouldn't date anyone that I didn't fancy - what would be the point? Imagine how the guy you were seeing now would feel if he knew that the thought of sleeping with him made you cringe?!
I definitely have a type when it comes to looks and it's rare that I meet someone who measures up to that, but what I've come to realise is that there's no much more to attraction than looks - mannerisms, voice, self-confidence, etc.
And this is why I've never had a problem dating people I fancy, even though I'm no better than average looking myself.

That's what I meant I've liked them and liked spending time with them,and they make me happy etc but not that "feeling"
I'm not sure Myself what that feeling is.
If it even is real.

The men who i do really fancy would never be interested in me

Says who? Are you a mind reader?

The "feeling" is real, trust me, and it's about chemistry, not about how someone looks.

Is it a self esteem thing? Or maybe your standards are too high? Agree with others that I have never slept with the chiselled Adonis personal trainer type and it would never cross my mind ti go for it as I don’t think he’d be interested in me either, but my partners have all been reasonably tall, dark and handsome and I have madly fancied them! And the fancying grows more the better I know them

I'm not no.
I just look around and see better women and think why would they like me etc.
A few years ago I was texting a guy who I ridiculously found attractive but it never went anywhere.
Grown woman and I would stay up all night speaking to him.

Look, I tend to be of the mindset that the sort of men I'm interested in aren't interested in me, but broad shoulders and a bit of a beard?

Firstly, that's not an uncommon look nowadays and secondly, what is it about you that thinks a man with facial hair wouldn't be interested in you?

As for your other issue, there is no way I'd go out with someone I didn't fancy. What would be the point?

Ditch this bloke you cringe at the thought of sex with, that's just awful for both of you.

I think you should work on your self esteem and actually open yourself up to the notion someone you fancy might fancy you back.

I think my self esteem is just a bit shit.
Think I need to work on that.

You’ll never truly know if they’re interested if a) ou don’t put yourself or there and risk it or b) keep spending time in a relationship with someone lovely but that you’re not attracted too.

Leave the man you’re currently with, if the thought of sleeping with him really does cringe you out that’s not fair on either of you, work on your own self esteem and maybe give relationships a break for a while to focus on you - if you want to lose weight start, if you want your hair done save up for a nice salon colour and cut and focus less on ‘people I fancy don’t fancy me back’ then get yourself back out on the market when you’re ready and talk to the men you find attractive :)

Good luck OP!

Why would you date someone you don't fancy though (as opposed to being friends)? Are you hoping you will start to fancy them?
Agree with others that it wouldn't occur to me.
Good luck with finding the one!

It's not normal but I have done the same. I always seemed to end up in relationships where it led from friendship to boyfriend and girlfriend and I felt very unfulfilled in my relationships. I am with someone now who I am very attracted to and everything just feels so much better and completely different. I fancy him but I love his personality too. It's the first time I've been with someone who has both for me. Attraction is not everything in a relationship but it still has to be there.

I just hoped the attraction would grow but it normally goes the opposite way for me.
Actually I tell a lie I did date someone when I was 18 who I really fancied but he turned out to be a idiot

Keep looking Kelly!
You are allowed to say “you’re a great guy but not the right one for me” and look for someone else. Your feelings are important.

I kind of know what you mean in that I have sometimes settled for someone who wasn’t really right because some aspects of the relationship were really good and suited my needs at the time. Often physical attraction was not top of the list.

But from what you say I can’t think of any reason why you would not be able to meet someone with the type of look you like.

Also I would say sometimes you can have an amazing attraction to someone who doesn’t fit your type at all. I would definitely call it a day with the man you are with though.

One noticeable thing is that you only give a physical type. Where does personality feature?

It’s difficult to know whether you have low self esteem and are thinking men you fancy won’t fancy you, or whether you have unrealistic expectations about looks and and fancy stereotypically goodlooking men (no idea who Matt is) who in turn are going for model types.

However broad shoulders and a beard is casting the net fairly wide.

Hi Kellyopio,

It may not be normal,but I can see where you are coming from.

I have never been physically attracted to anyone I have been in a relationship with. I have found, when I have initially been physically attracted to someone,it's never worked out well!!!!

So I put more emphasis on personality (got that spectacularly wrong too!!) and hoped physical attraction would grow in time. Like a pp my relationships have tended to grow from friendships.

You deserve better!

I'm really confused.

I know it's not great being single, but I can't think of many things worse than having to have sex with, or kiss, someone I didn't fancy

I'm surprised there are other people saying they've done similarly!

I do think it’s weird Op. When you first meet someone is generally based on attraction and as you get to know them it turns into more or you decide there’s nothing more to it.
I get in cases of friends that attraction might grow as you get to know someone better. But I couldn’t move it from friendship to more until that attraction was already there.

I don’t get why you’d think “your type” wont like you though. It’s not like all bearded broad shouldered men, get together and decide their type and that’s what they stick to.

Placemarking as interested in the advice that people give. I don’t think I’m attractive at all.

The men I’m attracted to are either attached or not interested in me - and those who are, I don’t fancy.

It always seems like the men who like me I don't like.
Or the ones I like are taken /not interested.

That sounds more to me like you have an attachment issue than anything.

I think that if every man you are attracted to is not interested or taken, and you don't find any of the men who are attracted to you attractive, you might need to consider why that is. It's quite common for people who have an issue with commitment to find this.