My husband has died

[Darnley]

So numb, don't believe it. He was my rock.
I have support, but they are not here now, and I know they have lives and are dealing with their own grief. Just want to indulge in some self pity I think...

Thank you all. He was larger than life and a pain in the arse to boot, but he was mine and I love him.

So sorry for your loss

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

((hugs))

So sorry for your loss.

So sorry.

It's also 100% OK and totally normal to have a swirling mess of mixed emotions. No one is/was perfect and the fact that we can sometimes remember, even in the first devastating days of loss, the times when that person really pissed us off, is not shameful in the least. Everyone we know and love is/was a total dick sometimes. And a total star at other times. That's being human.
And it's normal to be raging, raging mad at the person for having dared to leave us behind.
Grief is not rational, not at the beginning.

Darnley, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through I lost my DH 2 years ago, very suddenly (sepsis).
You asked if it will get better, it will it will take time though do not push yourself allow yourself time to grieve.
A few months after he died I would joke about looking for a new man, but in my heart I didn't want anyone else, now I have dated a few guys recently, some good, some not so, but that is life. They have all helped heal me. I am now ready to move on, but you must take things at your own pace, and take all the help you can get. The people on here can be wonderful, there is another poster who went through something similar to us last year and we talked which I hope helped us both.
Sorry for the rambling but I have been out and am not entirely sober.

((Hugs))
So sorry for your loss

So sorry to hear this, darnley and as a widow I do know how you feel. It's still raw at the moment and while time doesn't necessarily heal, the sun will come out again, I assure you.

Try to remember the good times.

Thank you again for the replies
It's quite odd. I know all the theories, have great support, but have just had a conversation with the sky about how much I still love him.
Know it's all normal, whatever that is, but I miss him. Can't yet believe that it's not some awful joke and he's going to walk through the door.
Shit, fuck, bollocks. As my mum would have said...

Keep up those conversations OP. He'll be listening. I am a firm believer in that.

So good to hear from you formidablemrsc. I followed you for ages.

I hope he's listening, I really do. I don't think he ever really believed how much he was loved.

Red wine and fags are the panacea for the moment.

Oh love..did you really? I am still here...still surviving and no surprise to learn that life isn't that much easier here! There's a thread derail right there! I am absolutely, totally, 100% sure that he's listening. I will never believe that the light goes out when somebody dies. It just doesn't. Everybody leaves a print on this earth in one way or another. I am sure he knows exactly how much he was loved, don't imagine anything otherwise. It's early early days for you all and that's the buggeringly awful thing about death, you all have to cope where he is off to another adventure (or so I like to believe!). Keep posting and talking, you will get through this xx

That's it though isn't it. I know I'll get through it, but still feel guilty about it.
It is a comfort to think that he is aware of how much he is loved though.
It's shit.

You have nothing to feel guilty about....you had no control over this, it's unlikely that you could have done anything about it. I don't even want to begin to imagine how tough this is for you...but I do know that there will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel for you xx

Guilt is a terrible thing though isn't it. Whether you are or not has no bearing on how you feel about it.
Intellectually I know this, and as someone who knows a bit about psychology and therapy I know this. It's still shit though.
I am going to see a counsellor asap, as I think I have ptsd from an incident 2 years ago anyway....this has thrown me into crisis I think.
Shit shit shit....

❤️💜 so very sorry for your loss - what happened? 67 is too young, both my parents recently(ish) died, both 65 and I feel robbed, dad pancreatic cancer and mum multiple organ failure 😔
Sending you hugs and 💜❤️❣️

Darnley I think guilt can be very damaging and if you recognise that this tragedy has opened some wounds, then counselling is a very wise thing to seek at this time. It's a massive crisis, of course it is, and some support for your MH would be an excellent path to take.

I hope you've managed to get some sleep. Thinking of you x

Darnley Just wanted to see how you're doing?

Sorry to have dropped out. Things have been busy what with one thing and another. He didn't leave a will, is there have been some shocks, but I'm ok.
Just wanted to say to anyone else who may be reading and going through this, use all he help you are offered, people genuinely want to help. My friends have been invaluable.
The formidablemrsc, thank you.

I'm glad you are getting support from your friends.

Thinking of you.

Hi Darnley have only just seen your latest post. I am sorry to read you've had some shocks, I hope you can get some assistance and advice with the financial side.

I hope you're doing as OK as can be expected, particularly at what is likely to be a difficult time of year for you. KOKO xx