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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The images he left on my phone after borrowing it for a month....

82 replies

Stacey761 · 21/11/2017 16:01

Hi ladies!
Advice would be greatly appreciated here! I'm sure we've all come across this issue before.
So, me and my partner have been together for 2 years. He went travelling for 3 months a year ago (I went with him for a month)
Anyway, we have recently moved in together. (Renting)
His phone had broken so I lent him my old one. He gave it back and I went to factory restore it so I could sell it. I didn't snoop at anything but I noticed his photos were on one drive (as I was removing accounts). I saw our travel photos and went through them as they were of us. But when I got to the part after I had returned to the UK... I saw about 4 videos of him ejaculating and more dick pictures. These were not sent to me. There were also photos of an ex college student he used to teach that he had saved from her Facebook profile.
I stumbled across them completely innocently and I did not check his messages to look for answers. About an hour after it had digested... I decided to confront him. And I had predicted what his answer would be... "i was going to send them to you" and surely enough, that was his excuse along with "I wanted to see how it looked, I've done this a few times"
So... my instinct in this day and age is that they were for someone, even though he has sworn that they were not sent to anyone)

What are people's thoughts? It's very unlikely that they were for his own benefit but he won't admit to anything. It's very bizarre. Anyone been here before? What did you do? I don't know if I should just forget the whole situation or not!
What is it with men and their obsession with dick pics aye!!!!

OP posts:
Greedynan · 21/11/2017 19:17

No 😐 #imnotanairheadipromise

You're gonna have to literally spell this out for me...

AnyFucker · 21/11/2017 19:44

Nah. I have paint to watch drying.

annielouise · 21/11/2017 20:09

You've already wasted a year with him by forgiving him the sexting, which I wouldn't have. How much further you going to lower your standards? 30 is no age. Plenty of time to have some time on your own and just date and then meet someone in a few years' time. Don't stay with him and compromise your expectations as you're too young to settle.

Greedynan · 21/11/2017 20:12

🐢

Stacey761 · 22/11/2017 13:32

I discussed it with him again last night. He admitted to the reason for downloading be images of his ex student (it was for wanking material) but he is still standing by that he never sent the dick pictures or videos to anyone.
He then got annoyed at me for being annoyed, like I'm in the wrong!! Grrrr

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 22/11/2017 13:35

Don’t you find it creepy that he wanks over pictures of his ex students?

Wolfiefan · 22/11/2017 13:35

Stop wasting your time. Move on.

MrsXx4 · 22/11/2017 15:05

He sounds truly disgusting and you need to have some respect for yourself.

yetmorecrap · 22/11/2017 15:11

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of younger women have exceptionally high tolerance for what I think is seriously creepy or really yucky disloyal behaviour

ShatnersWig · 22/11/2017 15:26

I know you said "Hi ladies" to begin with, but I'm a man, so hope I'm still allowed to comment.

He's a lying wanker (literally). You were foolish staying with him after his first offence of sexting. To remain with him after this you'd quite frankly be a bit of a moron.

AnyFucker · 22/11/2017 15:53

Just a little bit of a grrr and then op will be moving along with this sleazy piece of shit

Ho hum

Ragwort · 22/11/2017 16:05

Just bin him - whether or not he is lying doesn't matter, do you really want to be with someone who takes pictures of their own dick Hmm.

What is there to 'discuss' with him about those pictures.

Get rid of him.

MrsXx4 · 22/11/2017 16:14

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of younger women have exceptionally high tolerance for what I think is seriously creepy or really yucky disloyal behaviour

OP isn't that young! didn't you say you are 30? which I think is the problem here, you are blinding yourself from this disgrace of a man hoping to have a happy family life with him. Believe me, you are wasting even more 'precious' time staying with this liar! You really want to have a baby one day with a man who films his own dick while looking at photos of his student! ....oh what a catch! you lucky girl!

DeleteOrDecay · 22/11/2017 16:43

I am younger than op and I wouldn’t tolerate this shit. He clearly has no boundaries when it comes to his students. That alone is enough to make me run a mile.

shoeaddict83 · 22/11/2017 16:48

wanking over ex students Hmm

hellsbellsmelons · 22/11/2017 16:54

Wanking over ex students when there's a world full of other pics he could look at

Lambside · 22/11/2017 16:57

Ok, that just got worse. However, I find your attitude bizarre so Biscuit

Stacey761 · 22/11/2017 16:57

You're right.
The anger I'm feeling, the resentment etc. It will never work. I'm repulsed by him. The thought literally makes me feel nauseous.
I am 30. I am not wasting my time anymore.
I've discovered he is a creep. His phone that stopped working... now I am snooping.(His emails) This is all before our relationship. There are photos that he has taken on a different phone of snapchat shots. (Rude ones, some are actually disgusting) so he takes a photo of his phone. He then emails them from his email to his email with the girls name as the title. There are loads. I'm so fucking freaked out that this is the man I have spent the last 2 years with. Even though this was prior to my meeting him, That's bloody sick! And his outgoing emails titled "Enjoy :P"
He's better at sending dick pics than he is in the flesh.

On that note, screw that relationship. I am no longer sticking around with a man i do not know. Sicko.

Thank you all for your opinions. Helped me to see if from different angles.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 22/11/2017 17:06

Good lord op he sounds awful, I’m glad you’ve made the decision to leave him. Who wants to spend their life with someone who has such a low opinion of women? You’ve got plenty of time to find the right man for you, good luck for the future.

yetmorecrap · 22/11/2017 17:09

Sensible move OP, you just won’t get over that kind of stuff if you stayed, so it’s just wasting time . Don’t beat yourself up, many in here are horrified at the sort of stuff husbands and partners and yes wives too were playing at and were completely in the dark.

snozzlemaid · 22/11/2017 17:48

Great decision Stacey. You sound really strong and determined now you have realised you deserve better.
Well done.
Hope all works out well for you.

thiskittenbarks · 22/11/2017 21:24

Sensible move by the sounds of it. Well done you - you will be fine.
And I know it’s bad but i think it really helps to have a snoop so when he comes with the lies and apologies you see them for what they are!

Greedynan · 22/11/2017 22:05

The rude photo thing is not so bad imo. It's the fact that he has this thing with a student. And continues to wank about her two years later when he's with you. He sounds like he's obsessed.

Sorry you've had to see all that stuff. Can't have been easy. But you'll look back one day and realise that he's just a pervy dick-selfie wanker weirdo 💐

Greedynan · 22/11/2017 22:06

In fact you already realise that xx

whirlygirly · 22/11/2017 22:09

Ewwww. It's a shame you can't brand him somehow so the rest of womankind can avoid him. He won't change.

He's grim but you already knew that. Good riddance.

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