What are your thoughts on large age gap relationships?

[McBounty]

I have recently started to get to know a guy from my Church. We have just told each other that we are more interested in each other romantically. 😊

He's 15 years older than me though.
That's not too bad, right?

I am 27, he is 42.
We both have children the same age to previous relationships.

This could work couldn't it?

He is only 5 years younger than my mum. That's a little strange for me to process. Haha!

@McBounty I don't think anyone, in any of the posts, (who is pro age-gap relationships) has said they need to be looked after. This just seems to be something people have jumped on when psychoanalysing why a person might like to have an age gap relationship.

What's wrong with simply finding someone funny, hot and fanciable? Age doesn't really have anything to do with that. If you like someone, you like them! Go for it.

Then go for it. It can work.

I’m 46 my DH is 65, we are very happy been together 14 years.

You’ve had a resoundingly +ve response to your thread,and noone becoming confused
I did say make sure you're both in it for right reasons.consciously and unconsciously ages gap relationships can be result of seeking. I actually said
Be mindful the older adult doesn’t dominate or patrionise the younger partner
And conversely that the younger partner doesn’t have daddy older man issues and idolise the partner

This isn’t related to your age gap
If you’re both going to get together as couple each with kids how will you do
Dating
Letting the kids know you’re dating - when will you do this
Will you let him discipline your kids and vice versa

And as I said
My advice isn’t solely age based.id advise any woman don’t give up work,don’t share finances
You can police to undertake domestic violence disclosure background check -Clare law
Why did he split from his partner?

No mrsp ppl have read a daddy/daughter dynamic in what you wrote about the benefits you feel there are in your age gap relationship.

The rest of what I said was my personal feelings about why I wouldn’t even consider one.

My friend’s mum is 52 and their dad is 88. That age gap is just ridiculous to me and They don’t seem to have much in common.

He knew his now wife when he was married to his first wife and she was just a child. It just seems wrong to me.

15 years is quite a large gap but I think it is workable.

I risk getting flamed for this but anyway.

You met him through church? What kind of church? I have a lovely friend who is a member of an evangelical church. When she was in her late twenties she had several older men from church chase her. I can’t quite put my finder on why I found it strange. It was something about how the members of the church were encouraged to not look outside that very narrow little pool of Partners and the idea that a poor chap mustn’t be without a woman. I’ve seen it where I now live as well - older divorced men in my friends’s family going for younger church members. There’s something about it I find quite odd but it’s hard to put my finger on.

I will hold my hands up and say that I’m not a fan of these evangelical churches - I find them creepy and that undoubtedly colours my opinion.

Obviously people can't help who they fall in love with but I have very mixed feelings about large age gap relationships, especially when the woman is the younger. Part of that is to do with a hatred that so many men would rather date a woman half their age than 1 year older. It's rife in OLD. Personally I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction. On the other hand, when I was in my 20s I did used to find men in their 40s attractive. So grown up and "manly" (not that I dated them). There's also the issue of them possibly needing a carer when they're old, or being at different life stages when they retire. And don't even get me started on the middle aged men who have mid life crisis and end up trading their middle aged wives in for far younger women. Ugh!

my parents had a 26 year age gap. as an onlooker I would say it didn't end well, and as a child I barely had a relationship with my father who was more of a grandfather generation

Age gaps relationships are usually fine when you're both in your fit and healthy years (20s-50s). I had a few brief ones in my 20s - one bloke is now dead and the other is 70. I'm very glad I moved on.

Unfortunately there's a huge physical difference between a man in his early forties and a man in his late forties. Sex drive drops off too.

Why don't you date someone more your own age ? Then it's more like a true partnership, I know two relationships who are close to me which have similar age gaps, neither are particularly healthy....no matter the protests an age gap gets worsened as people get older

I find it weird in a sense that when he was a teen you were a baby my uncle is 19 years older than my auntie which I find really weird because I had DS at 19 so there’s 19 years between us. they got together when she was early twenties though and have been together 20+ years now. His kids from his previous marriage are only about 10 years younger than she is. The main issue they have is that they’ve lied to their kids about how old he is, he was nearly 60 when the youngest was born, kids now 14 and thinks his dads in his fifties not seventies

If you love each other, that's all that really matters.

The problem (from close hand experience I've observed) is when the older partner gets into their 70s and you're spending your 50s and 60s being a carer (depending on health issues).

It's something to bear in mind but shouldn't be decisive above everything else!

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks

An awful lot of my female friends dated older men in their early 20s. Almost all of them claimed they loved being around a mature, confident man. Being taken to top end restaurants, enjoying various European city breaks and receiving nice gifts had absolutely nothing to do with it! I found it very unfair when I was younger as there was no way I could compete!

It swings both ways!

OP - you’ve only recently started to ‘get to know him better’ as you say.
Is he really the only man available around????
You are 27. There are a lot of men you can meet and have fun with.

I too did like older men when I was your age. Even if I didn’t want to be ‘taken cared of’ - there is something to alluring and exciting in the man being more mature and worldly. They treat you better, more attentive and experienced in bed, etc, etc.

So do have fun. But just remember - you’ll be young and energetic for a long time yet. He won’t.

I am mid-40s. And sure - some women my age are married to older men and made that their life. But they do lead a different life to the life they’d lead with a partner closer to their age.
And none of my friends - (newly) single women in their 40s - would CHOSE a partner approaching 60.

Just don’t get lost and comfortable in the ‘lush’ phase someone described.... It won’t last, and from someone who lavishes attention/energy on you - he’ll turn around and expect you to be take care of him. And it’ll happen while you are still young. Sort of when you reach his current age.
🤷🏻‍♀️

Unfortunately there's a huge physical difference between a man in his early forties and a man in his late forties. Sex drive drops off too.

Eh!, how do you work that out?.

It depends on the person. I dated a 41 year old when I was 25. I've always been mature for my age as I was a single mum for years so have dated older men, but he was a boring bastard, old before his time. I've also dated men around this age who have been immature and been players.I'm happily settled with my partner now who is 26 ( I'm almost 30) and he's on my wavelength and is great for me, so it's a lot to do with personality.

Modern relationsships of NOW

So much has changed all round since 2012 when we look back. What was wont come back how things used to be and seems that constant change is the new norm.
There are younger men looking to be with older women and choose so. Other woman might envy.. But we know o ly a new broom sweeps clean in the beginning. I would love to have an open discussion about this experience from other OLDER ladies.. With age gaps at least more than ten yours their junior, thank you..what is your take? Would you do it? Enter a relationship 15 yrs younger than yrself? And why?

Snowbel yes I would 😊