What are your thoughts on large age gap relationships?

[McBounty]

I have recently started to get to know a guy from my Church. We have just told each other that we are more interested in each other romantically. 😊

He's 15 years older than me though.
That's not too bad, right?

I am 27, he is 42.
We both have children the same age to previous relationships.

This could work couldn't it?

He is only 5 years younger than my mum. That's a little strange for me to process. Haha!

I think for me personally I don’t see why I would choose to get into a relationship where there is an inequality in the ages which therefore means more of a risk in there being an inequality in the relationship.

Same with big disparity re earning power etc I just stay away from any relationships that begin with an inequality.

Age us a number until it becomes an issue.

Personally I think it rather grim that a 40 year old man was chasing after a 22 year old - guess he didnt think a 40 year old was good enough or more likey knew they see through him...

And I also think whilst you are young having a daddy/daughter dynamic seems less bad, and to some is even desirable, but as you become ‘more stable and secure in yourself’ as you age this dynamic begins to be destructive.

I wouldn't do it - what seems ok at 27 won't in 20 years time. I don't even want to date people in their 50s (and I'm in my late 40s) as they seem old to me, and certainly wouldn't want someone who is 60 now.

men do seem to age faster than women after their late 40s ime and I certainly don't want to be looking after an old man while I'm in my early 50s.

My sons wife is 18 years older than him and they are soul mates. She is only 6 years younger then me

My sister married someone 26 years older than her. Now he is in his fifties she is bored rigid as he just like staying in and watching old Western films and she isn't even 30.

DH is 16 years older than me. But he's fitter than I am and has quite a young mindset. I think it's more about having the same approach to life than about age

She was 25 when was 40 not 22.

People are making some bizarre assumptions on the basis of a not huge age gap.

There's no reason to think a 27 year old sees a 42 year old as 'daddy or they have any such dynamic to their relationship. It's really insulting to the OP and quite naive. If she were 18 it would be different.

People seem to be projecting their own issues - problems with equality within relationships and pique that a 40something isn't dating women his own age.

There's no reason to think this relationship would be unequal purely due to the age difference and some women manage to get into inequitable relationships with their peers.

I was referring to this comment, not to the op;

I love his intelligence, his ability to look after me, his happiness with 'where he is at' in his life, his ability to be completely comfortable in his own skin, he makes me feel beautiful (still). It's just lush!

I once was seeing a guy who was 19 years older than me. However he didn't tell me until I found out. I weren't happy but age gap weren't a problem.
Dh is 8 years younger than me and although that isn't a massive age gap it did bother me at first (I was worried about what other people would think)
But now I think fuck other people were happy that's all that matters.
Go for it op good luck

I'm nearly 10 years younger than my DH, and I've noticed a massive change in him since he turned 50 a few years ago. It's not been that nice, tbh, and he's nothing like the man he used to be - active, dynamic, always on the go. The armchair slob he's been replaced with isn't that attractive, especially when he's permanently tired and grumpy and got an ache somewhere.......... and I genuinely feel bad saying that. We've always loved city breaks together, but the last one we did he did nothing but complain about the amount of walking and I've realised that our holidays are now going to have to change . I love him to pieces and wouldn't want to trade him in for a younger model for all the tea in China but I very honestly miss the man that he was 10 years ago.

Just tell yourself that your mum was really young when she had you! My DH is nearer in age to my step mother than to me (and we're only 7 years apart in age). I've known relationships work very well with much bigger age gaps than yours. Take it slow because of the kids and just enjoy being together. You're better together and enjoying each other's company, whatever the age difference, than alone and missing out.

@Offred It was me who wrote that, and I think your interpretation of my viewpoint is absolutely bizarre. I see my husband as an equal and was certainly not looking for 'daddy' when we met (I have a lovely dad thanks!). At 22, I had been a qualified teacher for over a year, had owned my own home for 4 years by then (bought a house the month I turned 18) and had/have ALWAYS been very independent and know my own mind That does not, however, mean I don't enjoy being looked after. I'm currently 7 months pregnant and am absolutely happy for DH to bring me a cuppa in bed, rub my back, do all the housework, get our daughter dressed for school etc on a morning (I. E. Look after me). We gave great dynamics in our relationship, but I would be looking for the exact same qualities in a partner regardless of his age. We are pretty equal wage earners too (I think I'm on slightly more than him now). I would strongly suggest you try an age gap relationship - as I said, it's lush 😁

I’m not looking for someone else to make me feel attractive or stable or self assured. That is the part that seems daddy/daughter about the dynamic you described.

I wouldn’t be remotely attracted to being looked after TBH.

I thaught the rule of thumb was half your age +5 years as the bottom limit and the opposite for the top limit

It’s interesting that most people commenting - it’s fine - are women in their 20s/early30s saying - it’s great - we are happy with husbands 10-15years older....

*Where are the happy 50yos with 65+ aged husbands?

My sister, early 50s, is very happy with her 70 yr old DH, thank you. However, she has factored into her thinking that she may need to give up work at some time to care for him, should that need arise

I had a long term relationship with someone who was 11 years older than me. When I was 26 and she was 37 it was fine. But after about 6 years the difference did become hugely noticeable - not visually, but in terms of what we wanted to spend our time doing. I held on for another 5 years but it was a mistake and we should have finished it much sooner. I wouldn't do another sizeable gap again. But it can work of course.

My aunt was 26 when she met my uncle. He's 17 years older than her. They're the strongest couple I know.

I'm not keen on age gap relationships. Different stages of life and I don't want to be a carer in later life.

It’s not age alone thats the issue, it’s power differentials. Someone very young and someone much older can create a significant power imbalance (which is why we have an age of consent.) they are more likely to hold more economic power for example as well.

I personally wouldn’t have dated a 45 year old at 27.

My advice to you would be to think beyond the age and think about what the relationship looks like in terms of power and dynamics. If you are wanting to feel looked after for example that could be a red flag.

I say go for it, if you truly feel equal but be mindful of the 57 & 72 stage.

Yes, this.

My auntie met my uncle when she was in her early 30's and he was early 50's (so a slightly larger gap than you are talking about). They were together for 20+ years but towards the end, she basically became his nurse and now she's widowed in her mid 50's

I met my husband when I was 20 and he was 35, although we didn't become a couple for another 2 years. We married when I was 28 and he was 43. We've now been happily married for 20 years.

It’s not age alone thats the issue, it’s power differentials. Someone very young and someone much older can create a significant power imbalance (which is why we have an age of consent.) they are more likely to hold more economic power for example as well.

Absolutely true when you're talking about a 16 year old and a 30 year old. Absurd when you're talking about a 27 year old.

I'm 47 and there are many 27 years old more mature than I am.

Absolutely true when you're talking about a 16 year old and a 30 year old. Absurd when you're talking about a 27 year old.

Yes that was my point. It’s not just age alone. A twenty year age gap is one thing with say 17/37 and quite another at 30/50. Rather than looking at age alone she should think about the dynamics of the relationship.
A 27 year old who acknowledges there’s an element of wanting to be looked after might want to explore that if attracted to much older men - to see exactly why? Is she replicating a father/daughter dynamic for example? Does she see herself as needing saving? That could be an issue too.

There are undoubtedly many perfectly healthy relationships with big age gaps.

Just to clarify, I don't feel a sense of needing to be looked after. I am perfectly independent and like looking after myself. I don't depend on men to achieve happiness, I do that myself.

I am perfectly content within myself. I could happily go through the rest of my life without a partner, but it just so happens that I fancy the pants off someone 15 years older. 😄

Also, I am 27. He is 42. There's a 15 year age difference. I think some people are becoming confused.