Friends - how many do you have, really?

[Acrosstheuniverse123]

I wonder how many really good friends most people have? What is your need for friends, or are you an introvert who struggles with too much interaction? How long have you known them and how did you become friends? I have moved constantly all my life and have found it difficult to maintain friendships. Also, I think I am naturally introverted and find as I get older I just can't be bothered trying to make new friends. I have been let down in the past by some friends who I trusted, it's made me wary.

I consider myself an extrovert and I get on with most people, so I consider a lot of people to be my 'friends' but not true close friends if you see what I mean? Like my work colleagues, my DPs friends, DPs brothers and cousins, etc. I could happily have a drink or two with any one of them and have a great time but would I go to them in a crisis? Probably not.
True friends... probably 10. A group of 4 girls who I have known since we were young (one from 4yo and the rest from 11yo, were now 23) who I see all the time and we go away together a couple of times a year for a weekend, a girl I met when she started work where I did 3 years ago and am now very close to, my sisters and my sister in law are genuinely my friends (I know everyone says that!) and a few from my hobby who I try and see outside of that every couple of months or so for dinner or drinks or something.

Interesting question. I have a group of friends (9 of us) who meet up every couple of months - but if the chips were down and I needed them, only a couple of them would make a sustained effort. So perhaps only two of that number count as real friends?

I have another group of friends (5 others) and we go away for a weekend twice per year and meet up on one or two other occasions. We always have a great time - they are smart and interesting .... but I am not sure that there is the level of intimacy there that they would be there for me in a time of need - so again, not ‘true’ friends?

I like the idea of a close female friend that I can love like a sister, and will always have my back and I hers

Really close friends I can talk to about anything? I'd say two. I never see them though and we can go months between speaking as we are all so busy.

I have three really close online friends, met through message boards for a condition we all have and they've been wonderful friends to me over the years but again hardly ever see them. I have a few good friends I've known a long time but we are scattered all over the country.

I then probably have 6 or 7 friends who I enjoy spending time with but I'm not close enough to yet to really talk about anything. They're mainly twin mum friends and we all rely on each other a lot for emotional support there but not much beyond that yet.

I've never had a lot of close friends and I've always taken that quite personally but I think it's not that unusual.

I'm an introvert. I make acquaintances easily, but friendships take a lot of effort from me. I like my own space and like to be in control of when I spend time with my friends (sounds awful written down).

1 DH - 20 years and going strong. I share 98% with him.
1 best friend since I was 16 (so 30 years). I share the other 2% with her.
5 friends I could call at any time to have a night out with.
3 close work friends.
3 friends that would probably be glad to hear from me if I made the effort.
Lots of acquaintances.

I sound awful. No one believes me when I say I am an introvert. But besides those closest to me, most think I am outgoing.

1. Possibly.

Best friend from uni, 1 friend from secondary school, 2 friends I’ve met recently, we all have dc2 of the same age.

I think, if you’ve got 2 or 3, that’s more than enough.

Close friendships are very very important to me. To others, less so.

Really good friends I would trust completely about 10: 2 from uni and now their partners, 2 (married) I met on holiday 20 years ago and kept in touch, 1 from mothers group 16 years ago and 3 school mums.
Plus quite a wide circle of less close friends I see for nights out, coffees etc occasionally.

I am an introvert in that I need time alone to recharge after being with people, but after reading lots of similar threads here I don't think I'm as introverted as I'd thought. Although I value time alone I really need my friends - they are hugely important to me.

Lots of people I see on a regular basis, but in terms of people I totally rely on and see myself keeping in touch with forever..
3 really good friends from school
2 from uni days
1 housemate
1 workmate
4 local mum friends

I have two friends who I trust with my life that may aswell be family. Known both since we were all babies.

I have 5-10 “good” friends. By that I mean that I don’t have any issues with them, socialise lots and consider them to be close but I also know that friendships and people change. So I would never rely on any of them too heavily.

I have no ‘true friends’.
I have people that ring when they want something. Every now & again I will try to organize something with someone but they always let me down. Say they will then last minute cancel or just don’t bother letting me know they are not meeting me.
I don’t feel the need for friendships anymore I used to be so needy.
If I bump into these people I’m friendly & iv become more private so I let them to all the talking about their lives they have zero interest in mine anyway so it works for me!
The ‘we must meet up ‘ sentence is thrown out by them at the end of them yapping & I smile say ye ye..it’s a circle but it’s the way people are. I find people quite shallow at times they will stand n give out about their other friends to you for a listening ear then they are all over fb declaring their undying love for the friends they were bitching about heading out for their bdays parties etc. it makes me realize how fake people are n that I am
Far better off keeping myself to
Myself :)

I work extremely hard at my friendships and wider social network. I am 40, so have been doing this a while, and I think I have 7 true friends who I think I will be friends with forever, whom I trust love me despite my flaws, and whom I have supported through some tough patches in their lives.

I'm also fortunate to have a much wider social circle of people I consider to be a casual friends (a few on the border of crossing over into actual proper friendships though) who I can go for a drink with, invite to parties, and enjoy spending time with.

This hasn't just happened - I push myself to meet people, to proactively engage them in conversation, organise parties, meet-ups and nights out and remember to contact them regularly, ask them about their lives and make time to listen to them. Some more than others, and obviously and social media makes this much easier. Some of them I don't see more than once a year but it's always nice when we get together. Yes, it's time consuming but it's very important to me and I find it very rewarding. I wouldn't do it if I didn't care. I am married, with one child and work full time.

I do sometimes have low self-confidence - maybe this leads me to over-compensate socially!

I must be an introvert's introvert then! I don't have friends, apart from my close relationship with dh and adult children. And I don't need them - some of my glorious alone time might have to be sacrificed!

For me, it just became too tiring to keep up with friends when dh worked away a lot and the kids were small. Particularly when they were scattered across the country (I moved around a lot when younger).

People who I socialise with, talk to about their lives to? Loads.

People who actually give a shit about me? None

I have 2 true friends for years - ones who would "help me bury the body"

and many chatty acquaintances (some of which would be that body!)

I'm interested to know how you really define 'friends'. Because I wouldn't have said I have a particularly large social circle, not that I'm an extrovert, but I definitely have more people I consider friends than most on here (maybe 12, probably more if you count people who I don't see so often because of distance).
Obviously there are different levels of friendship - but equally different friends would be there in different types of crisis. (I'd ask friend A to bury the body, but friend B to help me deal with the emotional fallout )

Those who say they only have one or two friends - for example if you wanted to go see a film / it was your birthday & you were asking people to celebrate with you at the pub / were looking to share lifts to a party - is it still only one or two, or do you think of other social contacts as acquaintances?

I have about 15 proper friends. 3 from uni. 3/4 from work. 6 from WAY, an organisation for those widowed young (I'm 37). 3/4 from past work. Then probably another 5 less close friends.

Those posters who say their partners are enough are making themselves extremely vulnerable.

This is very interesting. Friends to me are people who really get you, you can talk about private personal things. You trust them. I have a good friend who moved abroad who i speak to on WhatsApp a lot. I feel I can tell her most things, but i don't see her physically which is not the same. I have another friend who I met through a course, and we WhatsApp too, if I speak to her on the phone it's an hour and a half of her talking about her problems. I don't even get a look in. I have acquaintances I message on Facebook, but they are people I will never see in real life, people I met at one time and keep up with. However, real friends who really know me, people I meet in person and can call if I am down... none. This didn't use to be the case. It feels really dysfunctional, but looking at this thread, I am not alone. It's a sad state of affairs though. My adult children and my DH are my real friends, but I don't know if adult children should really replace proper friends, if that makes sense.

Wow good question.

6 from school, I've known them since we were all 11 and through kids, marriages, living in different countries etc we have all stayed in touch. They are my ride or die crew - could call them after a year of not speaking and ask for help burying a body. 6 women one man.

5 proper friends from university - a wider group who all still see each other regularly but they are what I would describe as happy acquaintances. Would go to their weddings, big birthdays etc but not 'close friendships'. The 5 close friends are proper friends and 2 of those are DS' godparents. Mixed gender group.

3 from my first job in London - we go on holiday every year and speak daily via whatsapp and meet up every other week or so. All women.

From my current job... 3 that I think will really stick.

Also my sister who is a genuine best friend to me. We live 5 minutes away from each other!

Strange to condense it down like that.

1 ‘old’ friend who I met vaguely through an ex, who sadly I’ve grown apart from though I love her to bits.

1 other ‘old’ friend who I knew years ago that I’ve been back in contact with for a year who’s great and has the same number of DC as me very similar ages so that’s lovely.

2 ex work colleagues who are/were partners in crime so to speak

Over the past year I really made an effort and made a new group of 3-4 friends who are amazing. We just click and it’s brilliant. I had to really put myself out there and relearn how to open up to build this and it’s been so worth it.

I have quite a few but in various circles and most often ne’er the Twain shall meet.

My oldest, best friend is part of the family. I’ve known him 35 years and we’re like brother and sister. Finish each other’s sentences and always have a ball. He happens to be gay and when I married DH, he knew he is an extension of me. They now call each other “husband”

It’s sooo comfortable me and friend went to London for a weekend earlier this year as we both adore musicals, shared a twin room and DH never batted an eyeball. Lots of others did though to all our amusement

I have 5 close friends, my three sisters and one friend who we met 23 years ago and one who we met 10 years ago. We have a further group of friends who we interlink to have a night out and see occasionally individually etc other close friends have their own close friends etc

5 from school (2) of which we were at primary together but not close till hit senior school. 2 ex colleagues who were my bridesmaids as at the time I was closer to them. I would say only 1 friend I've made through children's social life at school. 1 friend and her dh who I met through my own dh and are godparents to the kids.
I would say there's only one friendship that I was sorry I didn't keep up - we're on Facebook now but know I would feel awkward if we ever met up. I dont make friends easily, not good at gossip and small talk which others can take as stand offish.

2, not including my sisters/mum.

Both people I met when I kids were tiny and both lovely women. One I laugh with until I cry, the other I think I probably trust completely.

I have a wider group of people I go for the odd drink with, but I feel lucky to have two 'real friends really.

There is a third, who I care about hugely, but our paths seem to always twist away from each other.

I have three good friends and a couple of decent acquaintances.

One I met 5 years ago as had kids at same preschool who then went on to the same school.

Another I met 13 years ago when I moved into my old flat (she was in the basement flat I was in the first floor).

The other was my doula during my twin pregnancy about 8 years ago. We just stayed friends.

The other two acquaintances are one of my sister’s exes who did the same degree as me and someone the same sister went to med school with who I used to do a hobby with.

I am introverted though and so I don’t really need too much social interaction. I also find it hard to share my feelings and impossible to rely on anyone so even with my closest friends the relationships are at some distance really and mostly involve simple fun/intellectual stimulation.

I'm a bit of a seahorse (they're supposed to bond for life) so if I make a friend I would think of it as being for life and never forget them.

I don't have many circumstantial friends at present.

0 I went from group to group as a child, I have a couple I talk to semi regularly but I’m aware that they don’t hold me in much regard as when we were younger. Partly due to my MH issues and part natural drifting means whilst I’ve been stuck indoors and stunted socially whilst they’re social horizons and life has grown.