Friends - how many do you have, really?

[Acrosstheuniverse123]

I wonder how many really good friends most people have? What is your need for friends, or are you an introvert who struggles with too much interaction? How long have you known them and how did you become friends? I have moved constantly all my life and have found it difficult to maintain friendships. Also, I think I am naturally introverted and find as I get older I just can't be bothered trying to make new friends. I have been let down in the past by some friends who I trusted, it's made me wary.

5 friends that I see fairly regularly. 2 of them I meet with monthly for a music/dance event. 1 I speak with almost daily and see socially from time to time. 2 I've known many years since our schooldays, I speak to 1 of them every couple of weeks we are meeting up tomorrow, the other I see/speak to very occasionally but when we do catch up there is that bond feeling. I do have other friends but they aren't close although we do speak or catch up from time to time

I was on the tube the other day and a notice caught my eye. It was about befriending lonely people aged 50+. I thought bloody hell, years ago you'd see those posters relating to elderly people.

I do think nowadays we are conditioned to be intense about relationships somehow, eg if you've a man and DCs they are "your world". It's easy to sit on FB/internet chatting but in reality, be home alone looking into other people's lives via a screen. I've seen on here at times posts saying I don't want/need friends as if that's a badge of honour, and liking or wanting friendship is somehow needy. So I'm unsurprised re that befriending poster. I think people can create their own path to loneliness at times and it doesn't creep up on them till they start getting older.

I'm not speaking of failed relationships, bereavement etc which can lead to unanticipated loneliness

I am both introvert and extrovert, I have a mind a good few people are the same, we are fine being with and around people but have times when we need our quiet place and space.

I haven't thought in any depth why I like having friends but I do know I wouldn't be happy with no friends. OH is my friend too, in so many ways. But I wouldn't like to be without female friendships...

Seems 2-5 is the norm. I have 2-3 friends. I just lost one of my longstanding friends as we just weren't on the same page anymore and it was causing me more hassle than joy. It was painful to initiate that conversation.
I have a 'friend' who seems to accumulate 'friends' everywhere she goes. I'm guessing she would be saying she has 10+ friends. However, few of them are particularly deep friendships and more aquiantances.

I wonder how many friends men have in comparison?

I’m an extrovert.
Good friends who I could turn to in a crisis/ ring if something bad happened- probably 5. My best mum friend, my old colleague who I worked with for 15 years and is DSs godmother and 3 University friends.

One best friend who lives 2.5hrs from me we see each other about once a month, whatsapp daily, phone 2/3times per week.

About 5 friends who I see maybe once/twice a year at a shared hobby mostly talk on FB

A handful of people at work I talk to but not really friends.

Three good friends and a few more that I can chat to and then some school mums that I know well enough to chat to.

4 very close friends. One I’ve known since I was 4, two I met at 14 and one I met at uni. I see/speak/socialise with the first 3 weekly, my best friend from uni lives further so I see her a few times a year but speak at least weekly.
I then have maybe another 10-15 friends who I socialise with/chat to but wouldn’t call them ‘close’ friends.

I've different types of friends and I value them all. But the ones I could truly rely on in an emergency -- probably 3 including my mum and sister 😊

I have about 10. I am an extrovert and I need to go out and interact with people fairly regularly otherwise I find myself feeling down with life.
I love time to myself too but I definitely need to get out and interact with people.
My dh is very social and really gets on with people but he doesn’t have anyone who I’d consider a ‘friend’ ie someone you could ask a favour of. He’s happy with that.

None. I have Aspergers and I've watched how people become friends but I still don't understand how it happens.

I have work colleagues I'm friendly with but if I changed jobs I wouldn't maintain contact. Equally, my husband and I may separate soon and although we get on well I'm not keen to stay friends. Maybe I don't have any because I'm not that nice - it doesn't bother me at all.

4 close friends, see 2 regularly and 2 every couple of months. And have recently made one new friend through our sons activity, we all get on well which is nice. I am very picky and would rather have a handful of close friends than a wider circle of acquaintances.
I'm interested to know about your DH/DPs friends, my DH has none! He knows a huge amount of people through his job but no real close friends. Is it a male thing? He seems quite happy and don't think he has the energy or time outside his job to make close friendships.

I wonder how many friends men have in comparison?

Not many because they're miserable fuckers

I'd say I have about 15-20. A lot of them live overseas but we stay in touch by WhatsApp etc and see one another when we can. Possibly that makes these friendships easier to maintain because there's less pressure on them.

I have 3 friends I could call about the dead bodies.

I have a much wider circle of mates/acquaintances for going out with or occasional meet ups.

15 very good friends- a mix of school friends, uni friends and friends I have met since

I'm an introvert and happy in my family bubble.
I have one good friend I made when we were both in NICU with our DC so that's been 4 years now. The DHs are friends now too so we are 'couple friends'
1 very good friend from a previous job that I see probably 1/2 A year but when we meet up it's like we saw eachother yesterday so that's always lovely. We msg a fair bit in between.
2 friends from school that I wasn't particularly friendly with at school but we have drifted together through the DC we have had.
A fair few people at work who I am beginning to occasionally see outside work.
It's enough for me. I haven't got the time or energy for anything else. Sometimes I like the idea of a FRIENDS or Sex and the City style group but in reality I doubt I could be bothered

posie My Dh has quite a few friends both at home and where we live now but he does zero maintenance work and just calls them when he fancies meeting up. Also, he likes (pretty much without exception) my friends OH's, so he's happy to socialise with them too.

I have 3 properly close friends, and some acquaintances who we chat when we bump into each other to but never arrange to do anything with. DH has two, but he has 4 or 5 mates who he (and we) occasionally do things with and he's on WhatsApp contstantly chattering away to.

There's a group of 6 that I have been friends with forever, but we're spread across 3 continents. I class them more like cousins than friends as our families have been that close forever. It's not even like we have a choice but to be friends - we are all so completely different, but it's those guys and I love them to bits - but it can be a year between talking to them. When we see each other it's like nothing has ever changed though.

I have 2 old friends that, despite us not seeing each other massively frequently would be there for me if I needed them. My own DD commented recently that these people (and their DC) were more like family than friends, which I thought was lovely.

I have a more recent friend who I see on a weekly basis and is the first new person I have felt like I have connected with in a long time. I am quite introvert and often wonder how people manage to make friends.

I have a couple of old Mum friends (of dds who are now away at Uni) and we have still kept in touch and it is lovely to meet up but we don't really have a lot in common and I wouldn't tell my personal problems to etc.

I sometimes feel lonely and feel I must be lacking in some way to not be a popular person, I meet a lot of people through a club a go to but I am never someone that gets invited anywhere outside of that. But then I have to remind myself that I struggle to keep up with the friends I do have and that really I ought to treasure what I do have.

I have 15 close friends I've known for years (one since we started school at four) but I've lived overseas a lot so there are some people I rarely see.

But since joining AA nine years ago, I have an additional 30 or so that I could meet for coffee or call on for support. A couple of these are in the "close friends" group. I suppose that's another advantage of sobriety!

I'm interested to know about your DH/DPs friends, my DH has none!

DH has 3-4 close friends, then I’d say about 20 less close friends.

I often feel like none.. I will run around after my friends, have their children when they're poorly, check they're ok daily. I'm currently poorly with pneumonia and haven't heard from any of them, no offer for help or just checking I'm ok. I feel so hurt and down which isn't helping me feel better 😭😭

I have 4 very close friends (the kind who would drop everything if I needed them), 6 good friends who I see at least every month and then a fair few acquaintances.
I don’t feel like I’m an extrovert or introvert - I need others to talk to/bounce off but I’m much better in a small group and after spending a lot of time with others I need time on my own to process.

I have 3 really good friends and 2 fabulous sil's. We are all at different stages in life though so don't see each other a lot.

I am having a difficult time with one as it has just become very clear how selfish she is and how much that bothers me. Nothing major just an invite to DPS significant birthday. First response was don't know what were doing that day. Second response was we have childcare so going for a meal. There s obviously an issue I'm not aware of but still has stuck in my throat a bit. not to mention a few days later being asked to go out of my way to pick something up for her that wasn't the least bit important

Five close friends and about 15 friends I spend time with, but don’t talk about everything with.

I’ve got to know them all over the last ten years. I used to be a truly shocking friend, and therefore also had some unhealthy friendships so I’m really proud of myself for where I am now!

Mumof2, I understand. I have been you. But when I raised it with some friends they were mortified. They all presumed that because I had quite a wide circle of friends I would be inundated with help. Also I come across as quite capable, a fixer. One friend said @but you seem so on top of things”. So perhaps just send out a message, to say you are struggling and could anyone help. Then if nobody does, drop them. But hopefully you will be surprised.

A word of caution for the “I don’t need friends people” my mum has a friend like that. Her dd moved away a couple of years ago and her DH became ill and died. That was her whole world. Apart from my mum who is the kindest person I know she had no one to take her to the hospital when’s her DH was ill, have a coffee with, phone for a chat, go to the cinema with etc, etc. She is now ill herself and once again my mum and dad are the ones helping out because they don’t feel they can abandon her but they do feel her desperately lonely situation is of her own making. And she said as much to my mum recently.