Friends - how many do you have, really?

[Acrosstheuniverse123]

I wonder how many really good friends most people have? What is your need for friends, or are you an introvert who struggles with too much interaction? How long have you known them and how did you become friends? I have moved constantly all my life and have found it difficult to maintain friendships. Also, I think I am naturally introverted and find as I get older I just can't be bothered trying to make new friends. I have been let down in the past by some friends who I trusted, it's made me wary.

In terms of friends I actually see, I'd have to say none. I'm really outgoing and love meeting people, I'll happily chat to anyone in the street or in shops etc. I also get on really well with the people I work with but I'm very much a homebody and like my safe quiet 'bubble.' I do have one friend who is male and an ex colleague who I have kept in touch with intermittently by phone since I left the job 2 years ago due to MH problems caused by work stress. We had worked together for 8 years prior to that and he's also become friends with DH in that time due to a shared interest and they see each other fairly regularly. But in terms of people I actually see and spend time with, the answer is none and this suits me.

None, except DP. I was friendly with my colleagues and used to love the chats we’d have, but I’m on maternity leave now and dreading having no adult conversation, bar with DP.

I have absolutely loads of acquaintances, people I talk to such as Mums from school, people from my fitness class, I even go out for drinks, to events with them etc. I also work for a small company and get on really well with my colleagues. All of these friendships are relatively new and quite superficial though.

People I could call in a crisis in the middle of the night, probably about 3.

Maybe 12-15 I think... But of those, I'd say 7 are my 'hide the bodies' people.

I feel so lucky with the friends I have, I've known 3 of them for my/their entire life, one since about 10 and those I think of as pretty much family.

One of my lifelong friends said recently she'd made 50 new friends in the past 2 years, that just sounds exhausting!!

Forgot to add, the 'crisis call' people would be my mum, step mum or sister, I was thinking friends outside of family iyswim

I’m an introvert too and I have 2 very close friends who I could ask anything of and would also say my DH is my “best friend”. Also I rarely see my sisters as we live a long way from each other but I can talk to one of them about anything and we do speak regularly on the phone.

I’m 51 now and over the years through work, hobbies and via the Dc I have actively not accepted invites for coffee/ nights out etc. Like you OP I moved around an awful lot as a child (I went to 6 different primary schools) and I realised I subconsciously think “what’s the point of making friends” because of my childhood.
I do wish I was more open to people sometimes and had more friends but the stress to me involved in getting them and maintaining them just isn’t worth it.

I think I'm pretty lucky I've known most of my really good friends from school or childhood. I've only made 6 good friend outside for this. I'm 44 year old.

Friend 1 - best friend. Speak most weeks and see each other at least one a month. Known each other our entire lives.
Friends 2,3,4,5 - speak whenever we need to. Met at school.
Friend 6 - see each other daily (work). Known each other 20 years.
Friend 7 - speak daily. Met at the gym 15 years ago.
Friend 8 - met at uni 8 years ago. Speak event couple of months.
Friend 9 - speak most weeks. Known each other through friends for 17 years.
Friend 10 - (male) known for about a year. Speak daily.
Friend 11 - (male) speak daily. Known each other about 2.5 years.

Few other good friends who I don't speak to or see often but we can rely on each other. Known them all for 20+ years.

Got a whole group of acquaintances (about 30 of us who I see sporadically throughout the year).

All my good friends I could all in the middle of the night.

Quite a lot, one real best friend for want of a better word, about 10 that I see regularly as they are local and a few who have moved away so not so often. I really like having friends, they make me happy. My DH is really the closest person to me.

I have someone I have been friends with for 45 years. I have another very dear friend who i live with (not a partner, just a friend). I have another old friend who I have known for 31 years, and another who lives abroad that I have known for 33 years.

Beyond that, I know a huge number of people. I count a lot of them as friends, but the friendship is more casual, like the people I work, or have worked, with. A lot of them are just acquaintances and some are my dog walking friends. I am quite happy to spend my evenings and days off quietly at home for the most part, but I also enjoy meeting friends for lunch. Everyone is different and if it works for you, then I don't think it matters what anyone else does.

Probably 3. One of which has so many other friends that our friendship is dwindling as she is always busy with the other ones. My partner is my friend and a woman who I met through school is a good friend too. That's probably it.

I've got 3 friends from school who I see now and again but all live in different parts of the country.
I have 3 close friends from uni who I see a couple of times a year for a spa day or lunch.
In my grown up life I have a few friends from my department at work but no one much else. I find the whole school gate thing nerve inducing and difficult

Sorry, 4, my sister is my best friend!!!

How could I forget🤦🏻‍♀️ and if they see this they will laugh then kill me 😂
I met 2 lovely people on another parenting forum . It shall not be named. We talk practically everyday and support each other . We have yet to meet face to face , but I can say now. I would trust them with my life .

Depends what you mean by a friend- people I see regularly that I could rely on less than 5.
Then around 10-15 antenatal group/school mum friends that I meet with for coffee every couple of weeks for a nice chat but nothing too meaningful so not sure if they are friends or not.
Then couple friends from uni, some from old work that I stay in touch with and see every now and then.

I have 2 friends. Many acquaintances but 2 people I can rely on for anything. Best friends since school, so 15 years, and we are all very different people who bring something else to the table.

I find life is too short to try and maintain friendships that need too much work and am quite content with my lot.

I thought I had 4 good friends.

However, one turned out to be a user who seemingly forgot about me when I was no longer of any use.

The other turned out to be batshit and dropped me after 30 years of friendship because she 'didn't think I made enough effort', despite the fact I did all the visiting etc. She's since tried to get back in touch, but she can do one.

So I'm down to two. One lives at the other end of the country, so I barely see her, but I know she'd be there for me in a crisis. We've been mates for 40 years.

The other is in the next town, so I see her a lot more. We used to sit next to each other in Maths. I adore her.

That'll do me. I'm very very wary of close friendships these days. I sometimes wonder whether it's possible to forge a friendship in adulthood that's as pure as the ones we make in childhood. Everyone seems to be out for themselves.

In terms of meeting for a coffee? 0. Emergency? 0.
I have some lovely virtual friends, and thats great but I don't seem to do very well in RL. I know people through volunteering, and we have fun doing that, but things never extend.
But I've never had a lot of friends, and when I do I am very much on the edge of their social group and certainly never the one that people seem to invite me - only as part of a group iyswim.

My female (and male, but mostly female) friends are really important to me.

There’s my old ‘best friend’ from 25 years ago, she now lives abroad but we communicate by email fairly regularly.

Three other very old friends who don’t live locally but we meet up now and again (say once a year).

A friend who I’ve known for 18 years - she lives about 1.5 hrs away, and we see each other three or four times a year (with our families).

A group of women I met through DH - we get together several times a year (with or without our families).

Then the school gate mums, there are five of them that I’d consider to be real friends (eg would hope to stay in touch with them if we moved away).

Not one

I adore my friends. I'm also shit at keeping in touch because once a friend has a partner I'm paranoid about interrupting their relationship or being hated by the partner.

3 friends from primary and secondary school

4 from university - only really on FB now

I from antenatal group (used to be more)

7 from local nct /baby groups - our kids are teenagers now

3 from volunteering

Friends? None. I have trust issues. I have lots of colleagues whose company I enjoy but I’ve been hurt in the past, particularly by female colleagues who I thought were friends that I’ll never get that close to anyone again. I have my DH and my young adult kids and they’re enough for me. I also have my sister who is my female confidante.

It's reassuring to see most of us only have a few friends. I would say I have 1 close, would do anything for friend and then about 20 friends/acquaintances. They seem to fall up and down within that scale according to what's going on and how crap they are! I used to be close to one woman who I would say is now an acquaintance. But there is someone who was once an acquaintance who is currently a friend. It seems to interchange and friendships change.

I have a theory that we set our expectations of friends when we are young when they are intense, almost like romantic relationships. That closeness is fulfilled by children/partners etc as we get older so we no longer need the intensity from friends. That sometimes mean we feel let down as we expect too much. I am nearly 45 and still learning the rules. Not to share too much or expect too much as we are all too busy. If I find that in even one person then I am lucky. I think adult friendships are superficial and come and go on the most part.

6 from school (I’m now mid 30s) but I live far away from them so only see them a couple of times a year and can go months without any contact.

3 from when I lived abroad. Again we probably meet up 3 times a year and can go ages without any contact.

Plus a few random acquaintances who I swap the odd Facebook / WhatsApp message with.

I’ve always been friendly with colleagues but have never really kept in touch after I’ve changed jobs. Likewise I have a few acquaintances from my hobby, but if I stopped doing my hobby I doubt I would see them again.

I have no local friends.
I’m quite lonely to be honest

2 friends from school who I only really see every few months but it’s that thing where once we do meet up it’s like we’ve never been apart.

1 friend from uni and 1 from my first job, both live at the other end of the country and have small children and very busy jobs so we don’t see each other more than two or three times a year but we message/chat often and again when we meet up it’s effortless and like no time has passed.

Then 1 friend - V -that’s more recent (but still like 15 years!) who I see at least once a week, usually more and speak or text most days. DP refers to her as my ‘other half’ and she’s basically family, eg invited to Christmas dinner at my sister’s.

Another friendship that was very very close but has faded in recent years due to her being so flakey. I still think of her as a friend but it’s more distant now.

Also my two sisters.

That being said I’m pretty introverted and can only really cope with these friends who, although I love them to bits and they me, understand that we’re not going to live in each other’s pockets and don’t expect it. Apart from V who I do spend a lot more time with, but that’s kind of more driven by her as she’s much keener on always being doing something and always has things planned.

Really interesting thread. I’m an introvert too, and I’ve got:

DH
2 great SILs
About 6-8 very close, supportive friends
About 8-10 other friends
Bunch of acquaintances

Which is actually quite a lot, but I’m not seeing any of them really frequently because socialising is exhausting. Particularly with young DCs.