Trying to leave... again.

[Lovelilies]

My DD disclosed physical and emotional abuse by my (ex)P to her clinical psychologist and when I met with him today he said he's going to report it to safeguarding. I'm actually relieved it's out of my hands as it were, but also terrified about what will happen next. As far as he knows, we are back together and trying to plan a future.

[Lovelilies]

I heard him arguing with DD. In the past I've witnessed him shouting and swearing at her, and also gave DS a 'clip round the ear' a couple of weeks ago.

[Skittlesandbeer]

Just popping to say that I can hear a lot of ‘catastrophic thinking’ in your words. It’s normal during a stressful chaotic time to think things like ‘I’m taking his kids away from him forever’ etc. it’s normal, but it’s not actually true.

Remember that this initial period does end, sooner than you think/fear, and things move on to a better kind of normal. Make this break, follow the very sage advice of posters here and importantly the agencies you are now dealing with. Your kids are young, there’s a whole lifetime ahead for your H to build a new better relationship with them if he wants to put the work in. Now, the priority is to seperate all parties from harm, and that includes you.

Don’t let yourself get dragged into this ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘forever’ kind of thinking. You’ve got a job to do now, let your feelings of doom know that you’ll give them a voice down the track but not today and not tomorrow.

He’s a grown man. Even if you’ve been vigilant and nurturing of his emotional life till now, it’s time to hand back the reigns and ignore his entreaties. He can handle it. And you can handle yours and your kids. You got this.

[robotsmania]

Hi OP, I just wanted to post to offer you support. I felt like I was reading about my own situation in all your posts I've read.
I left ex H 3 years ago but still end up coerced into going to 'concerts and holidays' like you mention, and he's always trying to pretend we're a normal happy family to people- even though they all know we're divorced.

Might sound harmless, and that I'm silly, but it's some elaborate controlling plan that I always end up going along with to keep the peace. And unless people have been in that situation they don't know how frightening the alternative can be - particularly when he has the children too.
My ex has the children a lot now, which I hate, but there's not too much I can do about it.
I hope it all works out for you, keep posting for support, as only people who have been through it can really understand. And try to use women's aid too, as they are great. Xx

[Lovelilies]

Thanks Skittles, I need to remember one day at a time. Hopefully he'll sort his shit out sooner rather than later, but in the meantime the DC don't ever ask for him so I don't think they'll be heartbroken at not seeing him. DS often cries when it's time to go with Dad
I have a feeling he's going to try and rip me to shreds, he has told SS he thinks I'm an unsuitable mother apparently.

[Lovelilies]

It's crap isn't it Robots, are you still playing happy families? I'm so much happier when I don't hear from him! I wish he'd move away

[Lovelilies]

I've started to try and look after myself a little, I did my first Parkrun today with DD1 my mum watched the littles for 40 mins. It was great!

[Lovelilies]

A social worker is coming to see me and the DC on Thursday.
All is calm at the mo (he's not been in touch other than to ask why I'm opening up a can of worms, saying he has reservations about my parenting etc- I cut the call short!)

[RandomMess]

you are making progress though, you seem resolute in not going back to him. Hopefully SS will make it clear that you need to stay separated. KOKO

[Ellendegeneres]

He's lashing out because he's cornered. He is scared. As well he should be, the piece of shit.
Keep going, you're doing brilliantly

[Lovelilies]

I've just told him that he can't take the DC to London (SW advice from today's meeting).

[Teabay]

You are following ss advice and doing the RIGHT THING. It's just that it's the hardest thing too. Keep going, we are with you.

[Lovelilies]

Thank you. He's swaying between 'poor me, all I ever did was look after you guys' to 'I'll tell SS what a terrible mum you are, and I was only with you to keep an eye on the kids'. He wants to know what I've 'alleged' to SS, I have t replied. Just said if he wants his parents to see the DC they'll have to come up here and visit.