Neighbours and sex embarrassment

[Saz432]

DH are going through a particularly active sex period at the moment (making up for lost time after babies I guess). It tends to go on quite a while (not just sex obviously, hours of that would get a bit boring).

We moved into our terraced house a few months ago and have a nice couple about our age living on one side of us. He even cut our hedge for us when we first moved in while he was doing his own, really nice people.

Anyway, so I'm not a screamer or anything but I'm not silent either. Our bed is against the shared wall with them. I didn't think it would be too bad as we haven't really heard them much so figured the sound proofing was pretty good. Two nights ago we were at it from about 9pm to 1am on and off (I know, really should get more sleep!).

Then last night we went to bed and they were clearly having a dinner party or something (so obviously downstairs) and we could hear them SO clearly. Then they went to bed and we heard them having very quiet brief sex (you could tell it was quiet but we heard it anyway).

I am mortified. They must have heard so much stuff in the last few weeks, which I'm now obviously replaying in my mind and cringeing. Oh god.

How am I ever going to look these people in the eye again? How am I ever going to have sex again? I somehow need to find a way to move the bed away from that wall.

So much shame. Any tips? Do I send them a bottle of wine and an apology?! Pretend it didn't happen? There's literally no way they haven't heard us on many occasions.

My kids are very young, and on the rare occasions they sleep, they sleep like logs. So they're not hearing anything.

Yeah, that's probably what my parents told themselves too.

🤢

It’s hardly “stealth” boasting. It’s blatant. I can’t imag anything more boring than a 4 hour shag 💤.

My eyes are watering imagining the chaffing.

Wombling if it were boring I wouldn't be doing it! And it's not boasting - clearly it's not everyone's cup of tea, fair enough. Obviously it's just not four straight hours of humbling, that would be pretty bloody tedious, I agree. Then again, I've never been able to fathom quickies, so maybe I'm odd. We are married, we like having sex, sometimes we have sex for a long time - not sure that's so weird?

My neighbours had noisy sex in the back bedroom at 5.30pm with the window open. You could even hear him smacking her arse!

We were having a BBQ with the kids at the time I was ready to kill them!

You need a little arrangement. We have crazy wild sex for hours at a time and in return, my neighbour plays her saxophone from 6am onwards.

I can't imagine anything more boring than a 4 hour shag

I can. Especially if it isn't just shagging that is going on 😂 There's more to a good sex life than just sex!!

The neighbours clearly aren't bothered otherwise they themselves would have made more effort to be quiet when they were at it 😂😂

We’re in a similar situation with neighbours both sides and DC through the other wall. Bed is currently by that wall, I spent a while looking for wood panelling to stick on it but expensive. Recently I’ve been thinking the shallowest possible bookshelves full of books might work, to pretty much cover the wall behind the bed.

Re the neighbours I generally think, people know what they’re getting with a terrace, hearing each other is par for the course.

Like I said, they're very young. If they wake up, they cry. I know when they're awake and when they're not. Christ, some people have sex with their babies in the same room which I wouldn't want to do.

Oh, and no chafing. Seriously, is this really that strange? Never really thought about it to be honest. It's not four hours of straight shagging obviously!

It's not weird. That's the whole point. Lots of people are doing that - since I'm pretty sure you didn't invent it - just not needing to gurn about it all over MN

No backboiler! Noooooo! That's awful. Closed windows is the bare bloody minimum!

And yes, we know it's not 4 straight hours of shagging. You told us. Repeatedly!

I used to live in a mansion block where one of the flat-dwellers expressed her sexual enjoyment through loud fake sounding screaming and moaning. One hot summer night when everyone’s windows were open the neighbours all joined in with a hilarious running commentary.

suzuki that seems reasonable - the little ones have me up at 5am anyway so I'd be very happy with that

Cordilera yes I think you're right - maybe some of those Ikea cube thingies full of stuff. Sounds like a good idea.

Bit I never said I invented it. Calm down. Gurning indeed.

mustbemad precisely!

Everyone has a sex neighbour at some point. I've had some hilarious ones (and been one). Too tired for all that now.

Maybe you haven't heard them before because they're usually doing it downstairs? Could be worth a try for you.

I'd also think about getting a lock for your door in case one of your DC does ever wake to give you a few precious seconds to, er, disengage..

9pm to 1pm!!! Wow I woudl have been cheering you if we adjoined a wall ;-)

I think in these situations you 1) try to be quiet and 2) pretend you can' hear anything.

In some cases, i find if you're upstairs you can hear next doors downstairs more if you know what i mean. My friend lives next door, and the only time i ever hear her have sex is when she's downstairs and I'm in bed.

back oh god that's awkward as hell. How did you explain the sounds to the children?

As we are sharing stories, here's mine I've posted a few times and gets a few giggles.
A group of us go round to a friend's house, all due to go out for the night. Friend who's house it is pops upstairs to "help her husband find something" or a similar shit excuse was used.
So we start chatting amongst ourselves waiting for the friend, when we can hear sounds coming from upstairs. We quickly figured out they was fucking, as time was going on the sex sounds started getting louder, bed slamming off the wall got louder - everything just amplified.
Awkwardness set in amongst us all, the idle chit chat had stopped due to are voices being drowned out, non of us knew where too look or what to do with ourselves. The finale of their fuckathon was the most painful, she was now putting on an Oscar worthy performance that I'm sure the whole street could hear, and he seemed to be matching her loudness with every grunt and pant he did, so then she'd get louder almost as if she was out doing him - almost like they was having a battle of the moans or a scream off.

We sat their for what felt like forever (probably 10-15minutes), she came down the stairs with sex hair, red faced and panting. She breezily says something like " are we ready to go?"
That was probably the most uncomfortable and awkward moment of my life.

Oh god. I do not want to be the "sex neighbour". Not so bad when you're renting since people tend to come and go (no pun intended)

Don't worry, the door locks - they can't get out of their cots yet but we lock it anyway!

As long as you aren't strung up to the bed requiring scissors i'm pretty sure it takes a second to untangle yourself from each other 😂 Brings back some memories tho 😱😱

Loving the neighbour sex stories haha. Not a neighbour but I once drove past a house, happened to glance up & saw a woman tied spreadeagle across her window. Starkers. Nearly crashed my car 😂 Then led to me spending an age trying to fathom out what set up they had on their windows to make that possible 😱😱

Bed recommendation - hiphop (random nane) bed by Bensons for Beds. No squeaks at all. Or Warren Evans got classier ethical versions.

I remember an old boyfriend I had went round to his parents house was sat on the sofa having a cup of tea and his sister came through the door with her boyfriend said she needed to have a quick shower and they were going out, anyway we sat there dunking our rich tea biscuits all we hear is the bed smashing onto the squeeky floorboards and she runs out 5 mins later to the toilet retching declaring its salty. We sat there in silence thinking of an excuse to leave

Mattress on the floor would solve all your problems (unless you're into kinky stuff & need the bed frame for leverage) 😝😝

PinkPillows that made me snort juice out my nose, that's hilarious 😂😂 wonder if that was her first experience of oral???

One of my previous neighbours was a screamer. His name over and over. Turned out she was a girl from my school years before..
She was a trifle more embarrassed when the police raided their flat and took him away on suspicion of a bank robbery up our high street though!