Help understanding this text please

[Trailblazer66]

My boyfriend has been a bit distant all week, not messaging as much. I was anxious thinking I had done something wrong or that he'd gone off me. I was trying to relax and give him space by not messaging much. I replied if he messaged me though. On Thursday he messaged me asking me if I was angry with him. I reassured him that I wasn't and apologised for not being in touch much. I said I was just worried about pestering him too much. He said "ok, good. Just had this feeling you were a bit off with me xxx". He then said he'd been having a rubbish week and was getting stressed because he had so much to do and a lot on his mind. We are supposed to be meeting up with my friends and my mum on Saturday for my birthday and it's the first time that he's meeting them. I understand it's a big step and he's got a lot going on so I said if it was going to be too much for him I'd understand if he wanted to cancel. He replied saying that it should be ok and that he wanted to see me. I then said I might go and see Thor in the afternoon before meeting up with my friends and mum and he asked to come with me. He then said he's really anxious about meeting my friends and my mum and I tried to reassure him. I sent him a jokey itinerary for the day, he replied saying "sounds nice xxx". then sent me a photo of him smiling and said he wished I was with him. Then we said goodnight.

Yesterday I heard nothing from him so I sent him a message asking him which showing of Thor suits him best on Saturday with a photo of the times so that I could plan the rest of my day. He read the message but didn't reply, this was really out of character. I was feeling a bit anxious so I sent another message asking him if I'd done something wrong and he didn't read this message.

I've woken up this morning to find he messaged me the following at 04:56:
"No I've just got a lot on atm. Well, a lot on my mind, nothing you've done. Think I just need sometime to unwind xxx"

I've replied saying "ok xxx" because I don't know what to say and I know he'll get anxious if I don't reply.

But I now have no idea how to read or take his message. Does that mean I'm not seeing him today? Is he blowing out my birthday?
I know meeting my mum and friends is a big step which is why I gave him the option to back out but he chose not to and then it was his suggestion for us to go and see Thor together.

I just can't help but think negatively about it. I'm not sure why I'm so anxious and upset. He's always consistent and never lets me down. He will go a bit quiet sometimes but only when work gets on top of him and then he will be even more attentive afterwards.

But I can't see any positive of reading this message, just sounds like he's blowing me out.

Do you mean that everyone has cancelled coming to the cinema first or cancelled this evenings get together too?

If they have just pulled out of the film, go yourself - its great - or do something else to spoil yourself then go this evening to meet your mum and friends.

If they have cancelled this evening, then text your boyfriend, tell him what's happened and suggest he arrives for a candlelit takeaway and a nice bottle of wine. Not having other folks around should take away the anxiety for him over the event, and mean you can be spoiled properly on your birthday.

All my friends have cancelled

Wanting to retire in his 30s gambling in the stick market.

He sounds like the Wolf of Wall Street.

All this doesn't bode well for the future.

*stock

Whatever you do, don't see the boyfriend! It's gonna make you feel crap and reward his hot and cold behaviour. Take what he said as the truth and let him have his space.

Who's cancelled? Who was meant to be celebrating with you??

PS

Ring him. Tell him everyone has cancelled and see if he fancies a chill day on the settee watching movies!

Pick up the phone and ask him what his problem is?

Go do something nice with your mum and let your friends know you think they're all flaky arseholes.

If DS is feeling up to it enjoy your birthday together- make your own new traditions and don't invite any of them.

Tempted to message him saying my plans have changed and if he feels better and fancies doing something quiet with me to let me know

FGS, don't invite him for a chill out day. If he's telling you to back off, do that and don't go running when he's horny again.

It's only a few months and it should be fun at this point, not leaving you constantly worrying. Take lemonshark's advice.

Sorry to hear that OP. Has your mum cancelled aswell ? I agree with the other posters..don't fuel his hot/cold behaviour and do your own thing if you can but can understand it's hard
And Happy Birthday

I'd say his anxiety over meeting your friends and family is getting the better of him.
Reassure him that it is fine, and he doesn't need to meet them this time.

That'd be a mistake trail... you're putting yourself in the weakest position where he can pick and choose whether to keep his plans with you or not. He already had plans with you then flaked (with his 'I just need some space' stuff). Now you're inviting him for a second time. Even the nicest person will have less respect for a person they can pick up and drop whenever they fancy it without consequences. It's your birthday, why isn't he as a new boyfriend making plans to spoil you?

I used to bother with McRelationships like this.

Doesn't sound like you have the closeness, the connection. You don't know what he's thinking and vice versa and it's difficult to communicate without second guessing each other and risking getting it wrong.

Why don't you stick to your plans, but ring him and say that you feel that texting each other made you feel a bit distant this week. Tell him what your'e doing and stick to it but say that you wonder if you'd picked up the phone to each other would the communication have gone smoother.
If you feel hesitant to do that then you're just pushing water uphill.

And be very, very wary of a man who seems to want you without family and friends as part of the bundle. Huge great red flag, that one.

Tell him your plans have changed, and you are now doing lunch out/going to a movie/whatever - and he can join you if he likes. If he doesn't want to, go out by yourself and do something nice regardless.

Value yourself more! The first birthday in a new relationship is when you think up ways to spoil someone and make it clear how special they are, plan a surprise, spoil them with a lovely meal, get a thoughtful gift. Not flake on plans to meet their family (which is an honour he clearly doesn't recognise), go cold, put his own feelings first with his weird moodiness. If you message him now with a 'nobody else wants to celebrate with me so please will you come keep me company' he's gonna see you as a doormat and especially after he's said he needs space, he'll be wondering why you're trying to meet him and start to value you less as you value yourself less. Harsh but true.

People who blow hot and cold always seem to manage to blow cold when its your birthday. He's making your happiness on that day centre on him, his behaviour and his reaction.
Thats a very bad sign.

I agree with pp.

Go cold sounds like a tactic or a game so some will say no don't do that. But it is going cold in the sense of not offering him undeserved warmth. He needs to earn your warmth and he hasn't done that.

I would be reassessing. He's not meeting your needs. It's not working for you.

OP, @PickAChew has a very valid point, listen up !
Go out and have a nice day, spoil yourself, then chill at home this evening. Take away, wine, relaxing bath .... bliss.😄
Hope you have a great birthday on Monday. 💐
Please don't over invest yourself in this man, there are some warning bells ringing here !

Annelind, I'd hold back on including him in the invitation. This kind of man often sulks when their blowing hot and cold seems to have made the woman find her independence. The reaction they expect is the woman sitting at home feeling anxious and trying to second guess them so to be included in an invitation to something that she's gone ahead and independently organised and will go ahead with alone or otherwise, it rarely fixes the bad atmosphere. It just means you're tip toeing around a manipulator on your day.

expert, war wounded, vet with ten t-shirts

Why on earth are people suggesting the OP give him the green light to come over now that it's just the two of them?

So here we have a bloke setting the scene, texts the OP asking if she's angry with him because she seems distant. Then tells her that actually he wants some space. He's quite clearly setting this up because he wants to take a step back from this relationship but wants to make out that it's all the OP's fault for being so distant....

OP he's a game player. If he's like this asking for space so early on then it doesn't bode at all well for a future between you. Maybe not today because it's your birthday, but I would seriously be contemplating this relationship in fact I would get rid of him. He's not a keeper and clearly not in this for the long hall. All this blowing hot and cold is game playing.

I have been in relationships like this before-messing about cancelling plans,blowing hot and cold-it is hell.
Once you find someone who does put you first you realise how silly you were to do it all.
Relationships should not be hard work! especially in the early months were you want to spend as much time together as possible-especially on a Birthday!
Text/ring him and tell him what you want from all this-if he cannot provide it then go your separate ways-life is to short for pussyfooting about and overanalysing every message.
Of course this is just cynical ole me talking!
Do something nice with your Mum and I hope it all works out

Exactly Lover. If I've learned anything in love it's when someone wants to take a step back, you let them and take a step back of your own to reassess. You don't take a step forward instead and crowd someone who doesn't want you.