Is he losing interest?

[wildwood04]

Met new guy online - initially very keen. He initiated all dates and we had a great time. We do have very good chemistry, good conversation and l like him.

We've now been dating a month. We see a lot of each other - in fact it's been every day this week pretty much.

I can't quite put my finger on why I feel like this but I'm scared he is losing interest.

He stayed over last night and left this morning but I didn't hear much from him all day. Until late this evening, when I know he is on a train travelling to visit friends.

This week some of his messages have seemed a little short - but I'm not sure if it is because we've seen each other a lot.

When we are together it still seems good, but I guess I'm feeling more insecure when we're apart.

He didn't initiate sex last night - but cuddled me all night and it happened twice this morning. When he said goodbye this morning he didn't say 'see you soon' - just kissed me goodbye.

Is it likely I'm just paranoid or should I go on instinct here? Do men get comfortable?

You deliberately ignored his messages last night . I wouldn’t blame him to be honest

Your gut instincts were probably right OP I've had this before and in the lead up to finishing with me they became distant,short blunt messages basically man code for I want to finish this but not sure how.

Your 'instincts' may well have acted as a self fulfilling prophesy.

You didn't give anything a chance. You've already been used just for sex before but you've started sleeping with a guy you've only just met and having an intense relationship from the start. Now you're playing games because you're insecure. If you really want a decent relationship with someone who cares about you then I suggest you start by caring about yourself and having some boundaries with new partners. Date someone and actually get to know them before having sleepovers, let the relationship build up to lovers when you actually trust each other.

You were seeing him for one month. He's got bored/met someone else/decided you weren't a good match. It may have been the case that you came across as whiny and demanding, or a game-player, it may simply have been that it wasn't a big deal to him in the first place. Take a deep breath, blow your nose and move on. The early stages of dating are all about: do I want to bother with this person? Is s/he appealing enough to continue seeing? Sometimes it's 'No, ta, too much hassle/not attractive enough to me/got other things to do'. It's perfectly OK to move on.

You're hard work!

Yep. You're not doing dating right. I doubt you'll change tact though. Note: sometimes its not them, its you.

Sometimes you just don't fancy meeting up.
I was supposed to see the bloke I'm seeing yesterday but really wanted to spend the day on my own.
So I did.
He understood.
You are game playing.
That never works.
Did you meet up at the weekend at all?
Has he responded to you as yet?

Oh fgs

I don't blame him! You sound like hard work! I'd get rid of someone who started playing games ignoring my messages as well

Wildwood I think you are self sabotaging. You have basically decided already he has/had lost interest so you're protecting yourself unnecessarily by playing games and going cold on him etc. If you truly want to meet someone for a long term relationship you HAVE to go in open minded, no baggage or hang ups. And think positive and realistic and have an idea of what you're looking for, what you want and what your boundaries are. I know it's easier said than done. Focus on yourself and self care x

He was probably initially scared because he likes you and wanted to pull back a bit but not because he wasn’t interested - isn’t it quite a common thing men do?
Don’t play games with him, just be normal.
Hope it works out!

Well a friend has seen him on an online dating site this evening and he has changed his pictures... not really looking promising is it.

:( oh sorry to hear that OP. Do you think he thinks you’re not interested or just a loose cannon?

As in he’s a loose cannon

No it's not looking promising. Maybe ignoring 6 messages tipped it for him or maybe he decided he didn't want to get into a relationship with you. It was very early days. Try not to over investment so much, I know it's hard but it avoids upset further down the line.

OP, I'm totally with you. When you've been mess up over and over, taking a normal relaxed trusting approach and each time you think things are going well, you get stung, you do start getting paranoid and you do start becoming expert in recognising the signs, so you are not crazy. Deep inside, your gut feeling told you what was indeed going on.

Don't worry though, one day you will meet someone who will be totally reliable and with whom you will feel no need to be paranoid, at least not for long. Saying that, you might want to consider taking things a bit slower next time. Men can be very good at going along the full on start of a relationship, but whereas this often lead the woman to fall in love, it often leads the man to fall out of lust.

I'm not really sure what's happened. He is coming over in a bit - don't know whether to confront over the dating or just not get back in contact with him.

Why is he coming over?

He's coming for dinner!

Why happened to yesterday's plans?

Last night he came over but late as his train was delayed (true - trains were a disaster).

He left later than me this morning and locked up my house then took the key. I need it back for tomorrow - he's coming over to drop it off. He was allegedly coming for dinner, but haven't had a response since 6pm so I'm eating now!

Oh op. You need to DATE rather than focus on the sex- you have to build a rapport and a connection outside of the bedroom. You play games, let them treat you like rubbish and then wow you think everything ok because they are coming over for a shag then off again the next morning.
A month in you should be phoning not texting for the most part - or email or watsapp - it should be conversations not arranging the next night over.
Don’t agree to him staying over without a date or time together first - ever - for at least the first 3 months. It really sets the wrong tone if he’s just coming over in evening then you’re both heading to bed.

So tonight - given he’s stood you up for dinner and will likely turn up late - say thanks for key and do you want to go to x on x day - say sorry he can’t stay as you’ve got an early meeting/your period/not feeling well

And yes he shouldn’t be on dating site
Have you discussed being exclusive? If not then you can’t really be upset at him. If yes then maybe raise.

Have you even agreed that you are 'in a relationship'? It does sound as though you are a lot more invested than him, which is often not a good idea (desperation and clinginess are very off-putting).