Is he losing interest?

[wildwood04]

Met new guy online - initially very keen. He initiated all dates and we had a great time. We do have very good chemistry, good conversation and l like him.

We've now been dating a month. We see a lot of each other - in fact it's been every day this week pretty much.

I can't quite put my finger on why I feel like this but I'm scared he is losing interest.

He stayed over last night and left this morning but I didn't hear much from him all day. Until late this evening, when I know he is on a train travelling to visit friends.

This week some of his messages have seemed a little short - but I'm not sure if it is because we've seen each other a lot.

When we are together it still seems good, but I guess I'm feeling more insecure when we're apart.

He didn't initiate sex last night - but cuddled me all night and it happened twice this morning. When he said goodbye this morning he didn't say 'see you soon' - just kissed me goodbye.

Is it likely I'm just paranoid or should I go on instinct here? Do men get comfortable?

[Themummy76]

Sorry got distracted before I could finish post - you’re not getting a bad rap - no one is judging you. Really trying to help you by seeing where you are differing from what other people might do in your circumstances and trying to get you to value yourself a bit more.
Honestly I don’t think he was outside your house for 40 mins - didn’t he have a key?! It sounds like something he said when he realised you were upset he only came round late. I bet you still let him sleep over despite only turning up late? You are a month in - try to wind it back - don’t let him have your key and insist on dates before shags still.

[KinkyAfro]

40 mins??? If he was outside why didnt he phone you?

[Themummy76]

He wasn’t outside your house for 40 mins op

[Poisongirl81]

[wildwood04]

I feel like I'm getting a bad rap here.

First of all it's not really about the sex - we don't always have it and I waited six dates. Proper dates; and yes we still go on them.

He came over for dinner last night. Crossed wires meant he actually waited outside my house for 40 minutes before I realised - didn't hear him knock.

[MiniTheMinx]

Busy all weekend, arrives late at night, still has profile on dating site. Probably dating evenings and weekends, no wonder you feel on edge! Of course he's too busy to spend quality time with you, besides he's got it made here, sex on tap whilst he continues to date others. Who wouldn't be happy with that. Are you happy though?

[Themummy76]

He should have left at the same time as you this am - no need to leave him alone at yours

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

Wow, no way would I let a randomer I've known a month have a key to my home

[SparklingRaspberry]

You've been dating a month and you trusted him with a key?!

Oh wow

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Its all too much too soon. You don't know him and yet he is wandering about with your key?

Are you still going out on dates? Appearing two nights in a row, later than planned means he is coning for a shag

[ReanimatedSGB]

Have you even agreed that you are 'in a relationship'? It does sound as though you are a lot more invested than him, which is often not a good idea (desperation and clinginess are very off-putting).

[Themummy76]

And yes he shouldn’t be on dating site
Have you discussed being exclusive? If not then you can’t really be upset at him. If yes then maybe raise.

[Themummy76]

So tonight - given he’s stood you up for dinner and will likely turn up late - say thanks for key and do you want to go to x on x day - say sorry he can’t stay as you’ve got an early meeting/your period/not feeling well

[Themummy76]

Oh op. You need to DATE rather than focus on the sex- you have to build a rapport and a connection outside of the bedroom. You play games, let them treat you like rubbish and then wow you think everything ok because they are coming over for a shag then off again the next morning.
A month in you should be phoning not texting for the most part - or email or watsapp - it should be conversations not arranging the next night over.
Don’t agree to him staying over without a date or time together first - ever - for at least the first 3 months. It really sets the wrong tone if he’s just coming over in evening then you’re both heading to bed.

[wildwood04]

Last night he came over but late as his train was delayed (true - trains were a disaster).

He left later than me this morning and locked up my house then took the key. I need it back for tomorrow - he's coming over to drop it off. He was allegedly coming for dinner, but haven't had a response since 6pm so I'm eating now!

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Why happened to yesterday's plans?

[wildwood04]

He's coming for dinner!

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Why is he coming over?

[wildwood04]

I'm not really sure what's happened. He is coming over in a bit - don't know whether to confront over the dating or just not get back in contact with him.

[swingofthings]

OP, I'm totally with you. When you've been mess up over and over, taking a normal relaxed trusting approach and each time you think things are going well, you get stung, you do start getting paranoid and you do start becoming expert in recognising the signs, so you are not crazy. Deep inside, your gut feeling told you what was indeed going on.

Don't worry though, one day you will meet someone who will be totally reliable and with whom you will feel no need to be paranoid, at least not for long. Saying that, you might want to consider taking things a bit slower next time. Men can be very good at going along the full on start of a relationship, but whereas this often lead the woman to fall in love, it often leads the man to fall out of lust.

[userxx]

No it's not looking promising. Maybe ignoring 6 messages tipped it for him or maybe he decided he didn't want to get into a relationship with you. It was very early days. Try not to over investment so much, I know it's hard but it avoids upset further down the line.

[Booagain]

As in he’s a loose cannon

[Booagain]

:( oh sorry to hear that OP. Do you think he thinks you’re not interested or just a loose cannon?

[wildwood04]

Well a friend has seen him on an online dating site this evening and he has changed his pictures... not really looking promising is it.

[Booagain]

He was probably initially scared because he likes you and wanted to pull back a bit but not because he wasn’t interested - isn’t it quite a common thing men do?
Don’t play games with him, just be normal.
Hope it works out!