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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is he losing interest?

85 replies

wildwood04 · 03/11/2017 22:55

Met new guy online - initially very keen. He initiated all dates and we had a great time. We do have very good chemistry, good conversation and l like him.

We've now been dating a month. We see a lot of each other - in fact it's been every day this week pretty much.

I can't quite put my finger on why I feel like this but I'm scared he is losing interest.

He stayed over last night and left this morning but I didn't hear much from him all day. Until late this evening, when I know he is on a train travelling to visit friends.

This week some of his messages have seemed a little short - but I'm not sure if it is because we've seen each other a lot.

When we are together it still seems good, but I guess I'm feeling more insecure when we're apart.

He didn't initiate sex last night - but cuddled me all night and it happened twice this morning. When he said goodbye this morning he didn't say 'see you soon' - just kissed me goodbye.

Is it likely I'm just paranoid or should I go on instinct here? Do men get comfortable?

OP posts:

Report

lostpigeon · 04/11/2017 02:03

reading this makes me happy I've given up on women

TammyswansonTwo · 04/11/2017 02:14

Oh, lostpigeon - sending a massive eyeroll your way. Good job women don't give up on men after a few small incidents, the human race would cease to exist.

OP, you need to relax a bit. Sounds like you've had a shitty time with men in the past and now you're cautious. It's fine to be cautious but be wary of falling into the trap of playing games. I would try to talk to him - you need to be able to talk about things like this

Olikingcharles · 04/11/2017 05:15

Clearly if he has sent you 6 messages he is interested in you. Don't ignore him or he might think you are either not interested or playing games.

SonicBoomBoom · 04/11/2017 05:27

I decided not to reply to his messages this evening and have received 6 from him - I will leave it 24 hours or so before responding.

Now you're just being daft and a bit of a dick. If I were him, I'd definitely be pulling back from you if you started playing stupid games like that with me.

DukeOfBurgundy · 04/11/2017 05:47

I decided not to reply to his messages this evening and have received 6 from him - I will leave it 24 hours or so before responding.

Are you deliberately sabotaging this? Why?

ReallyBigTable · 04/11/2017 06:20

No, no, no. Don't play games OP. Agree with the pp about self sabotage. Hope you replied.

ReallyBigTable · 04/11/2017 06:20

No, no, no. Don't play games OP. Agree with the pp about self sabotage. Hope you replied.

ReallyBigTable · 04/11/2017 06:21

That's how strongly I feel about it

ReallyBigTable · 04/11/2017 06:21

That's how strongly I feel about it

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 04/11/2017 09:45

Yes no need to actually ignore his messages. By pull back I meant wait for him to come to you so you can gauge his level of interest! He has come to you, so dont ignore him.

TangledSlinky · 04/11/2017 10:09

You can usually tell whether something is gut feeling/instinct or anxiety/paranoia by how you feel when you distract yourself with something else. If the feeling is still there I tend to trust my gut, but if it fades when you're otherwise preoccupied it's probably safe to assume you were worrying unnecessarily.

wildwood04 · 04/11/2017 10:44

I don't have the 'sick' gut feeling that I have got previously when things were going wrong.. have dated a lot of guys that were just after one thing but looking back there were signs - didn't go on dates, only wanted to see me at night, only ever had sex, disappeared at weekends etc. I don't have those with this guy - but now I suppose I presume that's all I'm good for!

OP posts:

wildwood04 · 04/11/2017 10:45

I haven't text him back as I fell asleep! We're both big into our vintage reds so he's sent me some pictures of some wine he's been drinking last night. Hopefully this means he's thinking of me.

OP posts:

LondonStill83 · 04/11/2017 11:02

Op, with kindness, you sound like a nightmare.

If you like this guy and don't want to mess it up, try thinking about how you can address some issues. I do mean this kindly.

If he is sending you messages and photos of wine, he is OBVIOUSLY thinking of you. So why are you planning to ignore him for 24 hours? What possible good will that do?

When people say pull back, they mean figuratively create some protective space and time between you and him. Not be a dick by playing games!?

JennyHolzersGhost · 04/11/2017 11:21

With the right guy, you don’t need to play games. If it feels right then you can just be yourself. Don’t mess him around.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/11/2017 12:12

FFS, if you act like this (ignoring him to prove some ridiculous teenagey point about being cool) you will deserve it if he decides you're not worth the aggravation.

Aminuts23 · 04/11/2017 13:29

Why on earth would you play games like that when he obviously likes you. I’d hate that. Ignoring 6 messages is just plain rude and I wouldn’t treat anybody I liked like that. Sounds incredibly childish

Mrskeats · 04/11/2017 13:33

What’s with all the game playing? Couldn’t be bothered with that.

Oysterbabe · 04/11/2017 13:41

Whenever I've started to get this feeling with someone I've been right.
Hopefully you aren't and are just being paranoid. Agree that it seems very full on very fast, try and slow down.

wildwood04 · 04/11/2017 17:12

I have messaged back... haven't had a reply but it's only a couple of hours so going to try to relax.

OP posts:

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 04/11/2017 18:42

Can't believe you ignored 6 messages!!

luckyDuvet · 05/11/2017 00:56

When people say pull back, they mean figuratively create some protective space and time between you and him. Not be a dick by playing games!?

^This!!!

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elessar · 05/11/2017 08:25

OP you need to stop game playing and overanalysing this or you will sabotage it and drive him away.

Ignoring his messages is just rude. By all means don’t reply the very second you get them, and of course if you’re busy or asleep then it’s fine - but deliberately ignoring a message for hours on end is just silly.

Of all the women I know, the ones who have successful relationships are those who are just themselves when they meet a guy. The ones I know who are serial daters who struggle to get any relationship off the ground in the long term are the ones who play games and try to be a certain way to keep a man keen. It doesn’t work. Don’t be like that!

TheSnowFairy · 05/11/2017 09:52

So you didn't answer his texts for a few hours because you fell asleep, and he doesn't answer yours for a couple of hours and you're worried?

Op, with all respect, you sound like hard work.

wildwood04 · 05/11/2017 13:36

So it sounds like my instincts were correct...

Was supposed to be meeting him today. Messaged this morning to make plans and no reply, despite him being online a couple of times.

OP posts:

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