I just want to run away

[IFellDownAHole]

I feel so fucking invisible. I have no friends. I don’t do anything. My dh doesn’t even think it’s necessary to say hello or goodbye to me. No comment on having a nice, clean house, that kids are tucked into bed asleep, that tea is ready waiting for him. I could cartwheel naked round the sitting room singing Sweet Caroline and he wouldn’t look up from his cunting phone. He’s just got back from working away for 3 days. He’s been home an hour and not uttered one word to me. He’s not cross with me or anything he just doesn’t consider me worth a hello.

I just want to put my little boys in the ca and go away. Back to a time when I had people to chat to. I spoke to ds’s teacher today and my voice came out too loud because I’ve forgotten how to talk to people.

I’m now in bed sobbing and drinking night nurse. I just want my mum back.

Also staying in a marriage that's really bad for you is wrong - you have the right to happiness but you won't get it with this bloke.

Tbh I wouldn't be surprised if there was another woman. He seems very distracted by something.

I’m sorry to hear of your situation.
It sounds like that is his personality alright.
I would definitely sit down for a serious chat with him.
Your only in limbo if you don’t.
I hear you on the friends situation I go to things now but with no expectations of making everlasting friends & I really have to push myself to get up & go at times but getting out for the evening will lift your mood I promise.

Here is an example of a conversation I had with dh the other weekend.

We are taking dc’s out for the day which is about an hours drive away. I spent ages packing all the things we need as dh would never think to do it. Just as we’re getting in the car I say ‘Oh, I forgot we’ll need to get petrol on the way. Bugger meant to fill up yesterday.’
Dh gives a sort of vague nod to signal he’d heard me.
‘I don’t know whether I should stop at Sainsbury’s, it’s a bit out of the way though. There’s that little garage on the back road but its always been shut recently, do you know if it’s open on Sunday normally?’
‘Hmm, might be’ says dh.
‘Oh well, we’ll just pop to Sainsbury’s then we should still be on time’
‘Ok’ dh says
I get in, turn the car on and the car is full of petrol. ‘Oh, did you go to the petrol station?’
‘Yes’
‘Why didn’t you tell me when I was talking about filling up?’
Dh shrugs and starts sucking about with his phone again, not looking up or saying one thing the whole way.

Please tell me that is not a normal conversation. Those are the kind of conversations I have with dh all the time. He thinks it’s completely normal and everytime he does it it makes me want to cry.

No - he is a cunt.

Would he even notice if you packed up the kids and went back to your family?

I’m sorry op that your dick of a husband is treating you like crap. That must make you feel like crap and so lonely. His poor treatment of you is doing nothing for your self worth. It feels like he is dragging you down. A partner should make you feel good about yourself and that you matter.

Clearly your prick of a husband doesn’t. He’s not worth your time. Hope you can see this

Wow...no that isn't normal. No wonder you feel like crying!!

Not normal at all

I think loneliness is much more common than we think. ,OP you are far from alone. I have a wonderful DH and 2 grown kids inc a wonderful daughter - but apart from this I haven't had anyone I could call a real friend in over 20 yrs. I did think I'd found one but it turned out her mind questions about my health were just to gather my ms symptoms so she could try and convince her gp and a neurologist she had it too! Only talking to shop staff is more common than we think. I often think I must come off like a crazy desperate loon. Would you be feeling so low if you had friends? Would the issue with your DH be such a big issue? You maybe wouldn't notice it as much because you wouldn't be so dependent one just him for company. I could mention date nights but for most that's just nonsense - me included.

I think that is part of the problem worldsworst, I’m relying on him totally for any kind of social life. When dc1 first started school the mums arranged a few nights to all get to know each other. Dh works crazy long hours so I could never make it. I’m very resentful of dh being able to still do whatever he wants while I can’t do one single thing.

As I said earlier dh has always been like this. But I fell in love with him, married him and had kids anyway. I thought we were really happy. But I had a job then and a circle of friends. Then we moved to the countryside and I can’t get a job because of his hours and I can’t go anywhere because he’s always at work. Except for when he’s not at work and he just doesn’t talk to me.

He doesn't sound right. That petrol conversation is just weird. I'd go crazy if I had to live with him for a week never mind what you're doing.

Could you get a babysitter so you can go out with the school mums? Also, look at splitting up and your options. Move back home.

My position is not dissimilar. If you happen to be in a county beginning with W, drop me a message.

MJust to let you know, I'm going through something similar but different. I have a thread already going on here about what's happening with my own family. I live at home with my mother and brother. He has completely withdrawn over the past few months and this is the way my brother behaves. No speaking, no talk, no conversation from him at all. This evening he walked by me without even saying hello. While he lives at home and bums of the family.

Wow. That is NOT normal.
'Oh damn I forgot to fill up with petrol'
No worries I filled it up.
It's that simple.
It sounds fucking exhausting to be honest.
Really think about where you want to be in 3-5 years time.
Still doing this?
You'll have gone insane by then.

This is no way to live op.

And just because you say he's always been like this doesn't mean you should stay. You are allowed to change and not tolerate it anymore.

I worry about what kind of relationship you are modelling for your kids.

I’m very much worrying about his behaviour rubbing off on dc’s. I asked dc1 if he’d like a biscuit the other day and he didn’t acknowledge me, just walked out of the room, went to the kitchen and got himself a biscuit. I got so cross with him as that is exactly what dh does. Then I felt awful for shouting at him as he is only copying his dads behaviour.

It's a shit situation for you OP.
I feel for you, I'm trying to detach from someone just like your husband.
The petrol situation? I've experienced very similar.
When I asked why hadn't he told me, he said it was because I hadn't asked him.

That’s it exactly cherry. If I’d worded it as ‘did you get some petrol?’ he’d have said ‘yes’. He wouldn’t lie to me he just doesn’t see talking as any more than a means to convey essential information. It makes me want to tear my hair out.

You would probably far better off moving, looking for a job and using childcare, sounds like death by a thousand cuts.

was he always like this?
he is either not well-he needs to see his gp, or he is doing it on purpose and abusing you.
you have to do something, your dc copying him.

He sounds like he doesn't love you. Why did he not give you a hug when you came in and ask how was your day. Why did he not mention he got petrol?

Hi OP, sounds awful. He seems to take things very literally. Could he be on the autistic spectrum? Aspergers?

Is it possible that there could be some underlying explanation for the way he is? You say this is how he's always been. The petrol convo sounds quite odd. Is it possible that he could be on the spectrum for example... this may explain his social skills...

HE is supposed to be your best friend in life. If he was you wouldn't be so in need of making friends outside the house and paradoxically I think you would find it easier to make them.
This is not how a relationship should be. He needs a total shake up, or your need to leave. Or both.

I have wondered whether he has some form of asd. Tbh though, I don’t think it would change much if he did. I have explained to him how the way he speaks (or not) to me upsets me and he thinks I’m being ridiculous. If he did indeed have some form of asd it doesn’t change the fact the he knows I don’t like the lack of communication.