Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Horrible argument last night

95 replies

sophkins · 31/10/2017 13:15

I was bathing dc aged 3 and 2 and DP came in shouting and swearing about something. He said the word fuck repeatedly and I asked him to please not swear in front of the children. He told me to get the fuck out of his sight and they were his kids and he'd say what he wanted (he had been drinking.)

Today he refuses to talk about it other than to say I'm ridiculous?

OP posts:
Shakey15000 · 31/10/2017 16:43

You don't know if you want to leave or not???

There is help out there if you want it. I honestly can't see how anyone could choose to stay with someone who treated them like that. But, it's up to you.

SandyY2K · 31/10/2017 16:46

This is very sad. You've become financially dependant on him ... that will come back to bite you in the rear.

wotabastard · 31/10/2017 16:47

You have to get out before your baby is born. It will be a million times easier to do this now than when your child is around. Please believe me. Sad
The end of this relationship is inevitable, you do realise that, yes? Women's Aid will help you. You and your baby DESERVE that help. You can do this. XXXXX

LovingLola · 31/10/2017 16:49

What you are in now sounds no better than horrible. Except its worse because there is now a baby on the way.

Lweji · 31/10/2017 16:56

If you had somewhere to go, would you stay or go?

Original poster
sophkins · 31/10/2017 17:00

I don't know. Last night I'd have gone. Today I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
sophkins · 31/10/2017 17:01

And I really don't like leaving the kids when he gets like this.

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 31/10/2017 17:05

And I really don't like leaving the kids when he gets like this
Not the first time then? Believe me if this is what he is like it will get a great deal worse when the baby arrives.

You have been dripping bits of info through this thread, we want to advise and help - do you think his ex had a good reason to leave? Do you know anything of his previous relationship?

When a woman is pregnant is sadly the time when a lot of men show their true colours.

Slimthistime · 31/10/2017 17:06

OP "nd I really don't like leaving the kids when he gets like this."

so this is not the first time he has been like this?

Original poster
sophkins · 31/10/2017 17:06

Mostly he's fine, lovely, but he can be difficult when he drinks which is in the evening. His ex has mental health problems.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 31/10/2017 17:09

If he's willing to scare his tiny children that he only has 50% care of then he's a disgusting abuser.

Why do you want to have a child with him? Do you think this is how normal dads behave?

Regularsizedrudy · 31/10/2017 17:10

What has he said about what happened?

LuxuryWoman2017 · 31/10/2017 17:11

Does he often drink in the evenings? I kinda knew his ex would have some kind of problems Sad but he sees no problem within himself.

Well, there is help available if you seek it, just remember your child deserves a happy life and so do you and it doesn't have to be this way.

beesandknees · 31/10/2017 17:12

What's significantly more horrible than a house share, is watching your darling baby grow up scared and damaged by their father.

Seriously OP give your head a shake, the only person who can rescue the innocent baby in this situation, is you.

Find your anger, find your courage

Gazelda · 31/10/2017 17:13

This isn’t going to get better. Your baby is going to witness his aggression every day. It will be their ‘norm’.
Neither you nor the baby deserve that.
You sound isolated, alone. It doesn’t have to be like this.

JigglyTuff · 31/10/2017 17:14

Why don’t you report him to social services? Do the kids’ mum know he’s an abusive bully?

Topseyt · 31/10/2017 17:15

You seriously need Women's Aid.

You wouldn't be abandoning HIS small children. They have a mum. Just make sure she knows (I bet she probably does, hence he is her ex) just how abusive he is, and that he is prepared to do it in front of the children too.

KarenW · 31/10/2017 17:18

His kids are not your responsibility, your unborn child is. He will not get any better. There is help out there, take it and and make a better life fit you and the wee one.

Lweji · 31/10/2017 17:20

he can be difficult when he drinks which is in the evening

All evenings?

The drink will only highlight his true self. And he'll feel free to be awful because he can blame it on the drink.

Original poster
sophkins · 31/10/2017 17:39

It's most evenings usually. Sometimes he goes to his mums and he doesn't drink then.

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 31/10/2017 17:43

Well, that's going to be lovely during the night wakings with a new-born.

I wish you luck you are really going to need it if you can't find the strength to leave or the anger to try to insist things change.

iBiscuit · 31/10/2017 17:47

How do you know his ex has mental health problems? Is that what he's told you?

It's very common for unpleasant, abusive men to claim that their ex is bonkers.

Please talk to Women's Aid, lovely.

Thethrillofit · 31/10/2017 18:26

Soon there will be three children you won't want to leave with him. How sad.

Topseyt · 31/10/2017 19:39

I am also surmising that HE has told you that his ex had mental health problems. Perhaps she did and HE was the cause because of his abusive behaviour, but he wouldn't put it that way, would he!?

Did he describe her as a psycho? That seems to be how so many of these abusers refer to their exes. At a guess, which obviously I can't prove, she isn't a psycho. She may have been abused by him and had to leave to save her safety and sanity.

You need help to break free of him. He is an abusive arsehole. Better for you and your baby to be away from him.

Mooncuplanding · 31/10/2017 19:49

I think there's more to this OP 😐😔

Last night was the penny dropping he's not an ok kinda guy, right?

Swipe left for the next trending thread