Question for woman who do not like porn in their relationships.

[quicknamechange789]

I hate porn and do not want it in my relationship, my husband apparently agrees, that mainstream porn, is not healthy in our relationship. However he thinks that looking at Reddit’s gonewild forum every day or so is fine. GW is women 18+ taking pictures of themselves nude, boobs, fanjo’s, arseholes etc. I think this is almost worse then just watching porn and feel upset that he does it so often.
Just asking opinions please?
( This is really just a question for women who don’t agree with porn in their relationship, it’s not a debate for the pro porners please.)
It’s my prerogative to feel the way I do.

On a daily basis there are attractive women of all ages walking by him. He is capable of imagining them undressed
Yes, but he isnt showing an interest in encouraging them to shove their naked bits in his face, which is a bit more on a par with deliberately browsing gw.
Give it a rest josuk. You appear on a great deal of these porn related threads and your contributions basically boil down to giving the OP a hard time about not having the same indulgent view of porn as you. That's not what OP was asking about yet you try to derail every time. Its not helpful.

There is a huge difference in walking past someone and thinking they are attractive than seeking out daily photos of tits, fannys and arses Josuk. It's nothing to do with jealousy (maybe on his part as he is the one telling op not to watch). Stop trying to make an issue with the op when it's not needed.

I just cannot imagine taking a photo of where the sun don't shine and then putting on the internet.

How fucked must your self esteem be to do that?

In the end of the day, one is either secure or not.

You’d have to be almost brain-dead to equate anti-porn with insecurity these days, wouldn’t you? After so many women have explained their rationale?

I'm getting deja vu here

TheStoic - in this specific case - the issue IS insecurity. OP is not disputing/arguing that GW is exploitative - which is what most women site as their issue.

FritzDonovan - yes, every time I see yet another woman raging against porn - not obsessive viewing, but occasional wank-aid - I go - oh, no, not again.

Life is too short to wonder/police what your man chooses to wank to. And no amount of righteous whining and MN support rousing - would hanged that. These days technology is everywhere and control is impossible. And men - are smart - they’ll tell you whatever you want them - I keep you/sex around.

And it does, in the end come down to insecurity - and I do hope that these women wake up one day and feel strong as beautiful, and attractive - as they are. Irrespective of wanking behaviour if their partners.

It's not about insecurity, it's about self respect.

Having briefly browsed the thread, forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't it the fact that OP's husband has banned her from watching/using any porn but is doing so himself? (that's def. porn btw, anyone claiming otherwise is taking the piss).

I second Op finding a similar website with mens' cocks etc. and seeing if her husband also thinks that's not porn and she's not breaking the no porn 'rule'.

DearAnnie - so - what is stoping OP or any woman respecting herself - and not looking for others to make that happen?

All I am saying - and I wasn’t trying to convince the OP to change her mind - raging and trying to control the other person when you disagree on smomethjng (anything really) - won’t get you anywhere.

Talking and trying to understand them, letting them know how you feel - stand a chance of changing their mind. But not always.

They OP, however, just wanted to vent. And wasn’t really asking an opinion - but restricting who can answer.
Never a good way to approach anything in life.
No?

He's very hypocritical.

I would definitely say it is porn and being contactable makes it worse.

I wouldn’t normally advise tit for tat (no pun intended ) but maybe you can suggest that you’re going to look at the male equivalent, every single day, and maybe like/comment on a few too. A quick google revealed there is a male equivalent where men post pics.

DearAnnie - so - what is stoping OP or any woman respecting herself - and not looking for others to make that happen?

Expected you to mind read the rest, clearly!

I've been single through choice for a few years, largely because I find that there are very few men who are respectful of women. I recently dated someone who doesn't like porn. it didn't work for other reasons but I shall go back to comfortably single through choice.

I wouldn't be with someone who looked at this shit. But I don't expect to impose my beliefs on others either.

Hence, single. So I do respect myself. I just think it's a shame for all people when men would choose porn over an actual relationship.

The bottom line is that there are many threads on here from a woman who has discovered a porn habit, the man lied, she's upset, what does she do?

I'd it's a deal breaker. Walk. That's all there is to it. If someone doesn't respect you, it doesn't mean you don't respect yourself.

Josuk People could use your argument to justify polygyny..... "It's only natural men have many wives and mistresses... women should feel beautiful" , etc, blah, blah, your feelings are wrong, i'm an amazing specimen of superior woman who thrives under male dominance - why can't you other ladies do the same?.... smuggy sneer.. yawn..

Lots of women see porn as a deal breaker and are happy with their partners. I know a lot of blokes who don't like their sexuality commoditised and sold back to them either.

All I am saying - and I wasn’t trying to convince the OP to change her mind - raging and trying to control the other person when you disagree on smomethjng (anything really) - won’t get you anywhere.

You seem to have a lot of trouble with comprehension. You also seem to be setting up straw arguments to knock down.

She’s not raging. She’s trying to understand why, in her relationship, what’s good for the goose doesn’t seem to be good for the gander.

Do you understand that her partner was supposedly as anti-porn as she is? Why are you trying to insist that she’s desperate to control him, when this was as much his idea as hers?

I've got no moral objection to GW, but it's disingenuous to claim it isn't porn.

Wow I am gobsmacked wtaf is going on in the world. Why do women want to do this? OP your dh is an absolute hypocrite. I feel for you I could not put up with this.

It is definitely porn.

yes, every time I see yet another woman raging against porn - not obsessive viewing, but occasional wank-aid - I go - oh, no, not again.
It seems a bit too subtle for you josuk - these posts are rarely about the occasional wank aid, as you so delightfully put it, but an issue which usually involves lies, secrecy, and deliberate breaking of mutual agreements, and therefore trust. In most cases it has had an impact on the relationship because of the regular porn viewing, and thats before you consider any ethical or moral issues.
You should be able to trust your partner to keep their word, and to be honest with you. This is the root of most of these problems. As i said, its obv a bit too subtle for you.

And men - are smart - they’ll tell you whatever you want them
This doesnt make them smart, it makes them selfish, lying arseholes.

I was worried where this thread was going to go for you OP. But seems you've got people here on your side.
In your place (and I have been in similar) I'd feel lied to, manipulated and confused. Why does he feel it is different? Is it okay for you to view pictures of naked men in the same way? Or what about if you wanted to contribute to the reddit site? Surely if it's okay to view for him, you can take part in whatever way you see fit? If not, why not?
The only fix will be lots of talking it out, to see how you both really feel.

It's porn and he's a big wanking hypocrite and I claim my five pounds.

GuardianLyons - how do you make a leap to justification of polygyny here? Or smugness, while thriving under male dominance?

I just hope that more women would look internally for their self-worth. And not judge/question their beauty and attractiveness by what their male partners do, and specifically not by how they masturbate, when on their own.

Are there situations when porn viewing becomes obsessive and affects relationships - sure.
OP, however, is NOT in that situation. Not according to her post, anyway.

But - like often with these posts - there is a lot of black/white viewing of the world. And very little desire to understand the other person and self-reflect.

Asking for one sided opinions is a glaring example of that.

OP’s partner - maybe he is a hypocrite. Or, maybe, his definition of (and objection to) porn only covered the commercial & exploitative types.

She’d only know if she talk to him.
But - talking, is, somehow, not an option when porn is involved.
LTB is.

I feel like I’ve stumbled upon a Victorian era forum! Gone wild is completely voluntary. I know lots of women who post on there. They enjoy it. Some get off on being exhibitionist. It’s kind of hot exposing yourself for people who react in real time. Some do it because it spices up their sex lives - some guys like their partner to be looked at. There’s even gone wild couples where you can post yourselves having sex. Some girls do gonewild to drum up attention to their own subreddit or cam show where they monetise it. It’s a good way to pay yourself through college in the US due to shit minimum wages and ridiculous education costs.

If the idea of woman being aroused by exhibitionism or enjoying their body and being overtly sexual upsets you, don’t google the ‘tribute me’ subreddit.

Op: tell him fine then start looking at the gone wild couples or ladyboners or the subreddits for guys to post their hard ons to get checked out.

I think GW is more ethical than most porn. Everyone is enjoying themselves, self esteem has nothing to do with your sexual kinks or your job.

The op’s problem is her husband is a controlling gaslighting hypocrite.

The bottom line is: he knows it upsets the OP, and he wants to lok at it regardless. Where the hell are his priorities?

OP, YANBU. I would not put up with this.