Am i right to think that there is something odd ?

[idontknow38]

Hello. I am confused as to what to believe and i would like some perspectives please. DP is on his thirties. I am confused as what to believe about his job situation
For months now he keeps talking about how much he hates being there because "they dont appreciate him" . The manager "doesnt like him because he is afraid for his job" and "tries to blame him for everything". He kept talking about quitting because "they try to get him fired by blaming him for mistakes". This suddenly changed last week to being asked to become a manager .This changed few days ago to him wanting to quit because "they dont treat him properly". Now it changed to "the manager asked him to take his place because he will be promoted and need someone to take over". I do not understand how within a week you go from one to other
I am skeptical because i have lately realised that DP for the past 15 years hasnt held a job for more than a year. He is always "the best" but the employers are jealous, afraid, racists etc
Am i paranoid

He goes into rages and smashes things.

He “ made you “ take a day off work.

He lies to you all the time.

You need to leave him now. DONT MARRY HIM. He’s controlling, manipulative,untrustworthy and violent.

You DONT need to see any kind of doctor to work out what’s wrong with him. You need to LEAVE.

How on earth can you even be considering marrying him? What is keeping you in this? I suspect your head is spinning so wildly with all the BS you haven't even had the time to ask yourself why you don't get off the merry-go-round. You can, you know! It's allowed!

This man cannot possibly make a good future husband. You need a life partner you can rely on. You already know he isn't it. Don't let the wild ride carry you any further.

Thank you all for the advice, i am having a hard time and this forum has helped me a lot
@BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried I am not sure what your problem is and why you feel the need to dictate if i update my post or not. You have the option not to read posts that you dont like but dont put off people from seeking advice and support . It has nothing to do with you how many times someone will ask advice and how many people are kind enough to answer and help

I think Battered's point is that if you keep coming back asking for advice on recurrent issues then you obviously aren't taking on board anything that's being said to you in how best to deal with it.

You can come here and ask for advice and opinions about the same man and the same problems a hundred times, but nothing is going to change for you unless you get brave and act on that advice.

He sounds like a twat.

I just left a twat like this three weeks ago, after thirteen years together. And I have never been happier.

Run OP! Just leave him to his fantasy world and go live your life!

Sometimes people keep coming back to mumsnet and using it as a pressure valve to let off steam in order to stay in an abusive relationship... it’s a tricky balance...

It’s fine to keep coming back with more stuff that hasn’t got you to the point of leaving IMO, at least you are engaging mentally with him being a shit, but you do have to be careful that you are not doing the above^.

What astrid said. It can be very frustrating and disheartening to invest in a thread, spend time writing out well thought out responses to assist what you think is Someone asking for help, share your own experiences, OP say “you’re all right, I know what I have to do” and then they reappear months later, having taken no action and no responsibility at all for continuing the situation they are in and expecting the same people to support them again in staying with the prick.

Sorry op but sounds like a liar to me. Just to keep you there as maybe you have challenged him before about his career or future plans where?

Anyone who can’t hold a job down for more than a year has something going on. Does he get sacked?

Ex of mine use to lie about things like this to keep me.

You need to be careful - ain’t going to change after 15 years

@BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried
share your own experiences, OP say “you’re all right, I know what I have to do” and then they reappear months later
I made this account on mumsnet at the beginning of September 2017. This post is my second but NOT on the same subject.I keep posting updates on this one because it greatly bothers me , to the point to be depressed. I havent posted any other time about this issue.Certainly not months earlier as you insist.

I am staying away for now, i found excuse not to see him today , i need to get things straight in my head because so much happened within a week . Thank you all for the replies

No, you have been here before under a different name. Yes, a few months ago. Same guy, same bullshit stories about bosses not liking him. Lies about colleagues etc.

How many days can you go without seeing him.do you think?

Please try not to overthink this.

It really is as simple as ‘he is a dick who consistently makes me sad’....

@RunRabbitRunRabbit
Well he is making it very difficult . He will call and message constantly or come by the house accusing me that i see another man and thats why i dont want to see him. If i turn my phone off i will get hell the day after. He also makes me feel very guilty, saying things like he always comes to see me right after work because he loves me but i dont do the same because i am ungrateful etc. If i was reading all that i d wonder too why i am staying in that situation, i dont know the answer. Someone said above that i want to stay, no it isnt as simple as that but i honestly can not explain because i dont understand it myself.

Decide to give it a couple of weeks no contact. Maybe send him a message that you need space for a couple of weeks and are going to stay out of contact to get your head straight. If his reaction is terrible then it is an easier step to upgrade the space to a dump.

My first husband did exactly this. he was never able to hold down a job and had a massively inflated ego whilst being rubbish at his job. He therefore never supported me and our son and I had to work full time nights to pay for everything.
I ended up leaving him and having a far better life on my own with my son without the constant stress and worry.

What a nightmare this sounds.
What are you getting out of this relationship? Wouldn't your life be so much better without him? Why would you stay with him?

Remember you are not responsible for his happiness and sorting out his problems - only he can do that. If he can't see that the problem is him, not his managers and you, then you are just going to keep beating your head against a brick wall if you stay in the relationship.

Start looking at the practicalities of breaking it off and get some real life advice if you need to disentangle yourself from shared finances etc.

Good luck, stay strong!

I am skeptical because i have lately realised that DP for the past 15 years hasnt held a job for more than a year. He is always "the best" but the employers are jealous, afraid, racists etc
Am i paranoid

No, you are not paranoid. The common denominator is him, and there is a reason he cannot keep a job. I am wondering if he is like my narcissist ex. A very charming quietly spoken man with a confident air about him. Behind closed doors tho, the most arrogant, opinionated, gasighting arsehole ever. I think women he worked with got the measure of him (I really believe he hated women) and didn't want to work with him. So they closed ranks and got him fired.

I've never been 100% sure its that, as according to him they don't like me/they are bullies/the manager hates me...yet beforehand he said he got on well with staff and management. I also know he doesn't value women's opiinions so being shown how to do anything by a woman would be awful for him, & as a smooth talker he could get any job but its debateable that he could actually do it - arrogance levels are very high so he believes he is capable of anything but, he really isn't. So thats another reason he could have been let go

But anyway whatever the reason is, unless you're able to observe him at work you will likely never know

Please don't marry this man, and really I do believe you would be much better off by ending the relationship now.

What you say reminds me a little of my first husband. When we met we were both students. He applied for a few jobs, had a few interviews - got nowhere and it was always because the interviewer knew that he (my ex) was so much better than the interviewer and would inevitably get the interviewer's job. I took me a while to work out, but my ex was a complete fantasist and a compulsive liar.

In the end I could believe nothing he said, nothing at all, and I had zero respect for him.

But it’s okay to think you’re ready to do something difficult (i.e leave your long term relationship), tell some anonymous people on an Internet forum that you’re going to do it and then...
...find that a few months later you haven’t been able to, the problems haven’t gone away and you come back to an anonymous Internet forum with the same problem. Maybe seeking reassurance, affirmation that it’s a real problem, just tea and sympathy even.
People have always done this. Most of us will have had friends/ relatives who always seem to have the same problem/ worries and talk about them a lot. We don’t tell them to never mention it again unless they’ve made every effort to fix it.