Broken. How do I get through this?

[Whiteranbit1977]

I got divorced last year after my husband left me for a women he met at work. It was the most horrifically painful time of my life, my confidence was shattered and I was so so hurt. We have 1 ds who is almost 10. Six months ago, a guy bought the house next door, he had split up with his wife as she was cheating on him, they have 2 dc’s. He asked me out a couple of months after moving in and we have had the most fantastic four months together. I really really thought he was the one and I fell head over heels in love. I love you’s weren’t exchanged but I thought he felt the same. Last week he came over and told me that he was ending our relationship because he wanted to give his wife another chance as he still loved her and wanted things to work for sake of the kids. He told me that she is coming to live in the house and they are going to make a go of it. I asked him if thy would be moving any time soon and he said no they would be staying put. He asked me not to tell her about us. She moved in over the weekend and I’ve seen them in the garden playing the kids and they seem really happy. I on the other hand am broken. I can’t eat or sleep, I work from home running my own company and it’s all falling apart because I can’t concentrate. I’m crying all the time. How do I get through this when he lives next door and I constantly see him? He is kind of blanking me as well, a curt nod in passing. I’m am so so destroyed by this. I can’t move because I can’t afford to.

He’s literally going out of his way to avoid me. I’m in tears because he hid his car round the corner so I wouldn’t know he’s home. Like I’m some psycho bitch or something. I can’t live like this.

I’ve not made any attempt to contact him since he instigated the split. I’ve been nothing but respectful and kept my distance. I cannot believe he is acting like this. I’m so so upset. I’m staring at a bottle of wine but I darent open it.

He's the one who is causing the drama doing ridiculous things like that. What a knob! Don't let him bring you down, he's so not worth it.

Why the fuck is he hiding his car though? Seriously he is going so out of his way to avoid me it’s jjst too obvious.

Sod it im opening the wine

There may be a logical reason to it, not sure what though!! Has he bought the house or is he renting?

He owns it. I was looking for the cat (he had surgery a few weeks ago and tends to get confused) and I saw he had parked his car round the corner even though his driveway has space for four cars! He’s passing ne off now. Bring it on

Pissing

Don't get angry and do something you will regret in the morning. Wine can have a funny way of bringing out the batshit crazy in us 😳. Your best bet is to continue living your life as you did before he moved in. You've lived there longer, don't let him ruin it. Switch it around, make him feel uncomfortable, when you see him give him a big cheery hello - he will be petrified!!

Yeah, the guilt of dishonesty seems to surface in many odd ways.
This isn't about you, not at all, don't ascribe any motives to your character or what he may or may not think about it. Guilty people do guilty things.

You on the other hand are fabulous, keeping your boundaries high and focusing on the future. The themes you encountered in your break up must have been some pretty coarse salt on not very old wounds, no matter how upfront everything was. It's ok actually to not be ok, there doesn't actually have to be a bad guy for things to hurt. And sometimes, a lesson I am living and keep having to learn, sometimes we just have to stand here and hurt. Sometimes things feel so shit because they're shit. Then you don't hurt so much any more, hopefully. I'm still hurting like a flayed beast, hence the pessimism, but even the worst things are not forever even if they change you forever.
I think you're better off out of it to be honest, we've had infidelity and tried to carry on and then it's not working but I still love him, but he's actually not a very good person. I'm not the unfaithful one but I certainly would do anyone a disservice by dating them now and I think he probably should have realised that too. You had the good, and while it might hurt like a bastard, I think you've sidestepped the mess and the worst of it. Build an invisible wall, you don't need that shit.

Well that was incredibly self centred, I do apologise I hope the gist is still intact though.

mydobby not self-centred at all.

He is putting you in a horrendous situations and expecting you to lie by omission for him whilst not even having the manners to say hello to you in the street.
Quite frankly he can get to fuck.
I’m not surprised you are very distressed.Anyone would be.
Why should you have to be complicit in his deceit at the expense of your own mental health? That’s not ok at all.
If it’s as he told it and they Were split up whilst you were together then technically he did nothing wrong-and you certainly did nothing wrong-so he should do the right thing and tell his wife.
I wouldn’t be marching round there to tell her were i you, but I also wouldn’t be going out of my way to keep it a secret.

He is sared shitless.

I think he is scared that's why he is behaving as such.
if he is hiding like that he will move by himself, you don't need to do anything.
maybe he thinks your ds may say something and it can be found out.
unfortunately some man can be coward like that.
that's another experience for you to put into your remember not to make the same mistake box.

It's not easy, try to be grateful for the fling which helped you deal with your marriage break up. You sound like a survivor to me. Could you work from a coffee shop for a few hours each morning just to get out of the house for a bit.

You can deal with this. He is ignoring you because he needs to make his relationship work. It's not that he hates you but he needs to move on and you do too. I know it's hard but you will move on

He's probably being an idiot about the car for a totally different reason..
Could be he's not wanting someone else knowing where he lives...could be the guy his ex was having the fling with who's not too happy they have got back together.

So sorry you are struggling with the situation though because you didn't deserve to be treated so badly by him.

Put it down to experience and move on.

You don't need to tell his wife ... that would make things really awkward for your children and you'd come across as jealous.

He probably just feels embarrassed and awkward having his wife and Ex in close proximity... I'd feel awkward in his position too.

He's one man of billions.... you'll be fine in time.

He is already starting to ignore you OP.

“Seriously, this has no good outcome for this woman. Imagine how you'd feel if it turned out your reconciled partner had been shagging the neighbour for 4 months and never told you”.

I would tell her

I’d tell the wife as well

You owe him fuck all and he’s acting like a cunt.

You should tell the wife.

It's not fair on you or her this situation. He's a prick and deserves all he gets.

Just say you're glad it's not awkward after what happened with her husband and you and thank her for being polite

I'd tell him that you won't be keeping it quiet. You don't have to actually tell her; just leave him with that.

I am also suspicious that there was an overlap between your relationship and him getting back with his wife. So he won't want his wife to find out about you in the first place, far less the exact date that he broke it off with you. He also doesn't want your son to be blabbing about why he doesn't come over to yours any more.

She'll probably work it out herself before long, anyway.

I imagine that would be enough for him to get the estate agents round for a valuation.

I'd invite her round for a 'meet the new neighbour's' coffee. Ignore what he wants, you're just being friendly and you could at some point then or later, say that you'd enjoyed being 'friends' with her husband. She'll put 2 and 2 together pretty quickly.

I’m such a mess I’ve been crying all day. Ds is with his dad til tomorrow. I saw them going out when I was coming back from my run. He legged it inside the house and slammed the door. Later, he went out to his car and I confronted him (his dw was out) and asked him why he can’t just be normal and stop ignoring me and making it obvious that he is so tense around me. He told me to fuck off. I’m going to Spain with ds on Tuesday. I need headspace yo figure out how I can go on living next door to him.