A guy has asked me out on a date for the 5th time....but I can't go and I'm feeling sorry for myself!

[cupcakesmakeyouhappy]

I have been single 7 years since my exh left. He moved on pretty quickly and has been with his current gf 6.5 years.
Me, on the other hand, can't move on.
I gave up on dating a long time ago. I get lonely sometimes but I'm ok.
Pointless being on dating sites as I don't have a sitter. I came to terms with single life....
Someone I know has asked me out again. My excuse is always, I don't have time but in reality the real reason is, I don't have anyone to babysit. My youngest is 9. I won't be able to go out until she's about 15/16.
It's a long time single.....and all of a sudden I feel sorry for myself.....
Anyone else out there in the same position?

No money for babysitter and ex refusing to look after his own children?

Why can't your exh have them? Parents? Friends?

If youngest is 9, how old is the oldest? Could they babysit?

Stop making crap excuses, life will just pass by. Do you like the person who is obviously very keen on you? Tell them the truth. Could you not invite them round for a meal and movie one night once kids in bed?

My ex doesn't have them....only for 2 hours on a Thursday. It would be pointless, wouldn't it? I don't have family support, unfortunately.
I know it's something I just have to deal with. Wanted to see how others felt as sometimes you feel a bit lonely ....

Not sure what my crap excuses are?
13, so a little too young.
Reason for my post as life is passing by....lately I feel it more than ever.
They go to bed around 8.30 - 9. I would have to tell them....not sure if this is the right thing to do

Can you afford to pay a babysitter? 9 isn't very young, you could easily get a local teenager to do it for not too much.

Or, why not explain and have him stop by after your child is asleep?

I’d explain and ask him round to your house

If your ex already does a little bit, could he be persuaded to do a more normal amount of childcare? Why should you be left to do it all? Or can't he be trusted with the children? Is he dangerous?

My bf has his 6-year-old daughter there sometimes when I visit. He introduced me as his friend and said I was coming to visit him. No more explanation has been required. There's nothing wrong with you having a life, nothing shameful you should hide from the kids.

Can't you arrange a lunch date when the children are in school?

It would be 10pm....just not sure!
I have asked my ex time and time again. He will not help. He wont help out to benefit our dc's let alone free up some time for me. Not dangerous, just uninterested.
I was think of speaki g to my dc's? Saying it's a friend? It is, kind of.

Why doesn't their father ever have them? I guess he's local if he does a pathetic 2 hours.
What would happen if you told him it was fucking ridiculous and you needed time off and from now on be waa doing x overnights?

Sorry, crossed. Have you asked or told?

Does he pay the right maintenance? If not, CMS and use it for a babysitter!

I can't tell him. Well I have tried to. He just refuses. I can't force him! I have actually begged as I have struggled with childcare in the past for work. He doesn't care.
He is local, next street to ours.

Your ex sounds like an arsehole. Lady, you are going on that date! Find a way. Someone somewhere will be able to babysit for a few hours.

what about daytime - would you be ok to leave them together for a couple of hours on a Sunday while you stroll in the park/ have a lunchtime drink?

and yy to local teenager to babysit - the great thing about a teenager is that they don't mind doing just an hour or two here and there.

Your ex is disgusting excuse for a father. No advice, but I feel for you.

I really don't understand this. You need a babysitter for 3 hours (ish) to go out for a drink in the first instance. This would cost you about £30 ish wouldn't it?

There are lots of babysitting services. Try sitters.co.uk

I think 13 is ok to babysit a 9 year old for a couple of hours. Stay local and keep your phone on. Certainly don't need to wait until your youngest is 15!!

Could you meet the guy at the weekend? Maybe get a play date set up for your younger child, and the 13 year old should be ok alone for a couple of hours during the day.

This guy obviously really likes you, do you like him? If so tell him the truth, even if you just meet him for coffee while the kids are at their dads or I’m sure the older one could look after the younger one for a few hours! I used to when I was 13 while my parents worked and my siblings would have been 11, 9 and 2 at the time

Any local friends (with a husband/partner to look after their own DCs while they come& babysit for you?) Or in exchange for a service - do a load of ironing for them, whatever? If you were my friend I'd want to help you get a bit of a break.

I meant the excuses about not having the time, or having to wait until kids are older.

Your ex is a twat.

Leaving a 13 year old would be fine but depends on maturity level.
Or just tell them your friend is coming for dinner.

Could you go out for lunch instead when kids are at school?

Haven't you got any friends or school mum's that can help? Are you frightened of dating and using the kids as an excuse or are you worried about leaving the DC with other people?