NC as don't want this linked wih my usual user name - been jere for around 10yrs on and off though.
We are both being unreasonable I think but we are the same as we always have been I think.
I don't know how to even word this so please bear with me. This morning started off with an argument about toddler son in our bed. We currently cosleep, initially because ds wouldn't sleep in his own bed and as I was bf it was just easier. As he got a bit older I tried him in the cot which he hated - screams and screams so I abandoned it and continued with the cosleeping. H makes remarks about it, which on occasion turn into arguments. They are not always about the cosleeping arrangement, sometimes about our other children and how I never listen to him (I don't agree with this observation tbh, yes I know that I do tend do do things my way but I don't do it as a direct disregard for Hs view, just that it makes sense this way or it works best just now and I'll tackle it at a later days - the cosleeping falls into this category I suppose). There is no other option that cosleeping atm anyway as the room ds is meant to be using is in the midst of getting decorated and there is carpet to go down to but I digress.
H asks if this is just how it is going to be. He shorts and I cry, I very rarely shout but do cry a lot during conversations and withdraw, rarely speaking. He wants to have these big conversations and try to problem solve things that I honestly don't think are issues. He asks if I'm going to change, come up with solutions. He calls me a liar or says I answer certain ways just to get him to stop. I probably do. I never remember exact parts we have spoken about as I tune out...this infuriates him.
We have 3 dc, together 14yrs, I am currently a SAHP (my choic) and I do feel it is relevant, his dad died last year. When we are not in the midst of argument we are relatively happy, though he says he is never happy anymore not really, the arguments happen maybe every 3 months or so. Right now I want to run so far away but we are skint, I have no family support here and no real friends that I can talk to. I just feel so isolated and alone especially at times like this.
He just called to say he wants to have another chat when the kids are in bed. I can't see how its going to go well. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just stood here sobbing. He says I seem fine the next day but how can I not appear fine, the kids are miserable to see me upset this morning. I put on a front for them.
I don't even know why I am posting this. I'm just so sad.