Mother in law issues. Who does not have it?

[Nadiff]

Hi everyone. Its my first time here.. So i was having problems with my MIL. We dont get along very well. We dont hate eachother but personally i find her extremely overbearing. So i thought I'll look up the internet for some advice or read stories of DILS in similar situation. What i found, dumbfounded me. Hundreds of websites and blogs and forum over how women hate their mils. Or MILS hate their Dils. Its a nightmare out there where in most cases the mother eventually ends up loosing her son. And no consideration is given to the fact that the DIL might be wrong as well. Now, after reading all that, I am wondering if there is anyone, anyone at all who get along with their inlaws. Im not asking for pure love, but managing a civil polite relationship would do. All i read was how DILS got offended and had their husbands give their mums a bashing. Is it really like this? Even if i dont like seeing my MIL , i would never stop my husband or my kids from seeing her or cause a fight between them. Shes his mum!!. Ive asked a lot of questions in one post but im really for thoughts and experiences over what do you do with your Mil when you dont get along with her and does anyone ever get along with her at all!!
Thanks for reading.

Absolutely love my DIL, and we get on really well. It's lovely to see how much my son loves her (and she loves him!). They have also made us grandparents, which has just been the icing on the cake. My own MIL was an absolute nightmare (very jealous, very selfish and very domineering) but, it was my husband's mother and I always treated her well (even though it was rarely reciprocated). When I had children, I vowed that I would never be like her and would support my children's partners and treat them like my own. It's not rocket science - be nice, don't interfere and remember, your child's new family are his priority and must (and absolutely should) come first. In my eyes, I have gained a daughter, not lost a son, and consider myself very lucky.

Yip I get along brilliant with my in-laws, been with my husband since we were young teens so they have seen me grow up too. They are just like a second set of parents and I love them loads. They are never overbearing though.

I get on well with my current mil and fil.
Sil on the other hand has a MASSIVE chip on her shoulder with me. No idea why.

I get on even better with my ex's in laws. Had a REALLY bad breakup with exdh so everyone thinks it's weird we get on so well.

My parents on the other hand

I’ve never had MIL problems mainly due to the fact I’ve never had a MIL. Three long relationships, two marriages and not a single MIL. All sadly died before I met their sons. I’m a MIL now, and I’ve no idea if I’m doing it right. Never recognised SIL on here though, so hopefully I am.

Thank you so much everyone for replying. So good to read all this. Now, at the start of my marriage, my mil disliked me with a passion that used to surprise me. 7 years and loads of passive aggressiveness, bitchiness, rudess later, i have finaly started to reciprocate that. And being very smart as she is, she has start to treat me better. But now the problem is that I cant be bothered with her anymore. So i just say my hellos and my good byes and thats it. Its putting a strain on my husband, specially on family gatherings. But i just dont care anymore. I dont want to be like this but cant help it.

Omg kingdomforbrie I think we are twins.
I’m totally the same. Realising that she was just trying to help and I am just so unused to that was a breakthrough point for our relationship!
I get on really well with PIL now! It’s been a bit of a rocky road (from my side after birth of DS) but I think lots of the problems are caused when people think everything should be done their way and the way they are used to. Bringing two families together can be a tricky time in getting used to each other’s ways and values but I actually feel I have had my eyes opened and am learning different elements to being a mother.

I think there are some women wouldn’t get on with their MIL no matter what. Probably a lot of them.

I get on well with mine. She and fil had some different views to ours about childcare (not an issue now our Dc are older now) but we mostly get on fine and I wouldn’t let one or two moments influence our relationship. I take her shopping when they’re here and we mostly do Christmas together. We don’t share the same views on Brexit but that’s the same with my father as well. We avoid contentious topics whenever possible.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Me and my MIL are generally okay. She is quite opinionated sometimes and never seems happy with what we do or how we spend our money - but she was like that long before DP was with me, so it's nothing personal!

She wasn’t perfect but I loved her. I hated that she’d had an abusive mother and that XH was disrespectful to her. I wished she could have been capable of being happy. She never did anything to undermine or hurt me in 30 years, and I hope the same was true of me.

Just remember if you have children you may be a MIL 😱😱😱

Genuinely heartwarming to see these lovely relationships posters have with their MILs.
I've not been so lucky. Mine was always a bit difficult but she showed her true colours after I got married and had a baby. If I had a crystal ball and knew how bad she would be, I would have never married DH. It's that bad. Becoming entangled with her is the single biggest regret of my life. She is a chain-smoker, regularly binge-drinks and then calls DH to dish out guilt trips, has severe issues with anxiety and abandonment that she refuses to seek treatment for and instead deals with by controlling others, is utterly self-absorbed, devoid of empathy, petty, critical and manipulative. She had never had a proper job although she is degree educated. The world overbearing does not come anywhere near describing her behaviour. It's more like total engulfment. Imagine the face-hugging space creatures in the film "Alien".
She is not a good person and I don't respect her.
BUT....
I would never, ever try to prevent her from having a relationship with DH and DS. I wouldn't let her look after DS alone as I believe her to be too unstable, but equally I want him to have the opportunity to know his nanna . I'm appalled by some of the stories of DILs on here who cut off MILs for what seem like really small and trivial things. Mine is toxic enough that I need to buffer her but I would never demand DH cut her off.