Mother in law issues. Who does not have it?

[Nadiff]

Hi everyone. Its my first time here.. So i was having problems with my MIL. We dont get along very well. We dont hate eachother but personally i find her extremely overbearing. So i thought I'll look up the internet for some advice or read stories of DILS in similar situation. What i found, dumbfounded me. Hundreds of websites and blogs and forum over how women hate their mils. Or MILS hate their Dils. Its a nightmare out there where in most cases the mother eventually ends up loosing her son. And no consideration is given to the fact that the DIL might be wrong as well. Now, after reading all that, I am wondering if there is anyone, anyone at all who get along with their inlaws. Im not asking for pure love, but managing a civil polite relationship would do. All i read was how DILS got offended and had their husbands give their mums a bashing. Is it really like this? Even if i dont like seeing my MIL , i would never stop my husband or my kids from seeing her or cause a fight between them. Shes his mum!!. Ive asked a lot of questions in one post but im really for thoughts and experiences over what do you do with your Mil when you dont get along with her and does anyone ever get along with her at all!!
Thanks for reading.

My father in law was really lovely and I always got on very well with him. My mother in law is difficult. She doesn't live nearby which is good in one way but it also means that she invites herself to stay, which is what she's doing now.

She's full of doom and gloom, and doesn't want to do anything apart from sit and watch TV although she talks incessantly while doing so and I'm not sure how much she takes in.

She's managed to fall out with most of her family and has alienated old friends, and then complains bitterly that she's lonely and no one bothers with her. She thinks that life is so unfair to her yet she's only mid-60s, has good health and no money worries.

You’ll find lots of horror stories because people who have a good relationship with their MIL’s don’t have to post about it for help and advice.

I don’t acknowledge my MIL myself but I wouldn’t stop my DH having a relationship with her, that’s just evil. Although she has no contact with our children and they will never know she exists.

I love my MIL. She isn't the easiest of people by a long way,but nor am I. She has a heart of pure gold but she's said some bloody offensive stuff in the past (and I don't get offended easily) but, but, but when you bite the bullet and say "look, this isn't ok" then she listens to what you say and backs off.

That makes all the difference.

I feel a bit guilty now for ranting about her at times when she's, well, gone too far actually .

She's also often there when you need her, she will do anything for her family and a lot for her neighbours and I wanted her there at the birth of my chldren, which meant a lot to her I think.

I only knew my mil for 18 months but she was amazing. We did have a couple of issues but we respected each other's opinions and it never caused a row. She disagreed with the fact we felt 6 weeks was too soon to introduce dp's kids to me and engineered a meeting. She also didn't agree with us being strict with discipline, the kids had been through a lot and she had a bit if a Disney thing going on.

A week before she died she called me directly and asked if she could call me her daughter as she loved me like one and was so glad she had seen her son become so happy and I had given her another granddaughter who she adored. I sobbed and it broke my heart when she died.

I miss her. We had some good chats and unlike my own mother she was never interfering in my pregnancy or for not breastfeeding etc on me when dd was born. She spent what little money she had on dd and we had a fabulous day shopping for bits when I found out I was having a girl.

She had a really lousy relationship with dp's exw and always felt that his exw looked down her nose at her. She felt like nothing she ever bought my dscs was ever good enough.

She had very little money and lots of what she bought came from cheaper shops. Charity shops or her local. Market - admittedly they were not always my taste but I always made sure to gush and dress dd in outfits she had picked or bought when we visited her in the hospital. It was a very small sacrifice to make to put a smile on a dying lady's face.

I now act as a carer for my fil which I think she eoukd be proud of

ow where'sthelight that gave me a bit of a lump in the throat. You clearly brought her joy

Seaeagle, I hope so. She had a rough life, she was born with dodgy lungs in the 1930's so care was limited, for some reason she only had one kidney and she lost her eldest child to cancer when he was in his mid 40's.

Sadly she adored his exw bit found the relationship toxic and one sided. Not sure she appreciated being duped into help his exw conduct her affair. It hurt her that she was used in such a way. She was a very generous lady!

When we found out we were pregnant (very unexpected) she saved money out on her pension every week until our 20 week scan and then gave me the £100 to buy some clothes. I found it odd and begged her to take the money and buy bits herself. Dp explained about his exw refusing to out their kids in stuff his mum had bought. It made me really sad that she didn't feel comfortable to buy dd anything. So I took her to a local shopping place and dear God for an 80 year old with terminal bowel cancer that woman could shop! I was dead on my feet and struggling not to puke (hg) and she was still raring to go about 6 hours!

It was like watching a kid in a sweet shop!

@wheresthel1ght

Posts like yours remind me to take pleasure in the little things - I love your story 😍

@pp2017 she taught me a lot in the short time I knew her. It's the anniversary of her death this week so have promised to take fil to her grave which will be hard. She had such a presence! She accepted me into her heart and her family with such generosity it was humbling!

They literally were on the breadline, but she would have starved to make sure she could have bought the kids some sweets! I have never understood why dps exw was so mean spirited towards her.

Dd was only 9 weeks old when her grandma died but we talk about her a lot, we only got one picture of them together because she had so many tubes in her at the end, there wasn't a vein that didn't have some form of tube in it. She refused photos but I took dd every day that mil was well enough for visitors so they got as much time together as poss. The one picture is in pride of place on our "family" wall and dd knows that it's grandma and will talk to her for hours

I love my MIL. She's amazing -- kind and generous. My own parents are a lot more complicated!

I had a lovely MIL first time round, shame about the husband though. Now good husband and horrid MIL, who hated the fact I made her son happy. We are both NC and life is much better.
I genuinely don't understand why parents don't want to see their children happy and would sooner see then in a relationship that is bad.

My PILs aren’t quite on the breadline but they sound exactly like yours - I wouldn’t swap them for the world 😊

I know that some PILs will genuinely be hard work, but I do sometimes read some threads and wonder if sometimes it’s a bit of intolerance from the side of the offspring..... and maybe a step back and a “but does it matter?” would ease a lot of the stress 🤔

@pp2017 I have to wonder of it is the stereotypes that cause some of the hostility like with stepmums. Some people are predisposed to see the bad.

However, my dad's mum was an absolute witch. She was vile to my mum because she married the favourite child. She did awful things like uninvited her to a wedding and then told everyone that mum had refused to go. When she couldn't rile my mum she would attack me. I hated that woman!

I’m very lucky. I have a lovely lovely mil who loves me and I love her too . Must be awful to have a mil like some you read about on here! I’m sure I irritate mine and vice versa on occasion but no ones perfect !

My PIL are wonderful. I've not had a cross word with them in 12 years.

I spend time alone with them, went away with MIL which was lovely and they adore their grandson.

I couldn't ask for better.

A few years ago I would have replied my MIL was nice and harmless. Now she has had the time to show her true colours my feelings are the opposite and I have gone very low contact because of her prying, manipulation, jealousy and gossiping. FIL is disabled and lives in her shadow.

I thought I was a better judge of character than I was, clearly, and it came as a shock because I was hoping for a good relationship with them and made plenty of effort with her.

no issues here....she lives in Australia! 😂

no issues here....she lives in Australia! 😂

My MIL is brilliant, I'm very lucky to have her. Can't say the same about my FIL bit you can't have everything!

I get on great with my MIL. DH and I both have a lovely relationship with my parents as well. But as PP have said, you don't go putting up 'aargh help me' posts about people you like (apart from anything, on here you'd get a metaphorical kick in the flaps for being smug)

We get on great!

My MiL is wonderful. She's warm, supportive, kind and generous. She's unwell right now and it's breaking my heart. But I've been lucky to have her in my life for as long as I have.

Mine is fine. Our relationship was more difficult when the DC were tiny but that was absolutely due to me going a bit mad when on maternity leave. Thankfully she is lovely and forgiving and now I'm out of the baby stage we get on fine again.

Of all the issues I had with my ExH, my PIL were a positive advantage. I loved them both and was very sad when exFIL died about 3 years ago. My exMIL was / is a very nice woman and has been a fantastic grandmother to my DC.