I know how stupid I have been but I need help

[Onthedowns]

So I have been really stupid , been married ten years together 18. Mid thirties so most of my life with same guy. Two children younger. Have had issues with DH for a while very different people becoming more apparent.

I work two party time jobs one public sector one in a bar - smart bar. Really enjoy it have a laugh etc. Anyway a regular I have got to know have s laugh . Walked home together a couple of times. STArted to like him he liked me. Jokey texts about jobs etc nothing esle. He works with premier footballers. I think what I knew was coming happened we kissed. He has a girlfriend too. Felt awful but alive and wanted - I know how wrong that is. We chatted etc nothing could happen stay friends all good but I still fancied him. Fast forward last night and another bar girl said he had asked for her number last week and Instagram account she’s just 18 attractive in a typical teen way. I am 37!! He’s 32.

I was furious I know I shouldn’t be no one knows about our friendship etc. I feel also like s total idiot like he spotted lonely fed up wife. I have no right to be jealous and it’s wrong that I am upset. It’s made me examine my relationship and given me a wake up call but where do I go from here. I haven’t told my H I don’t see the point. He hasn’t noticed anything different . We have house renovations busy lives children etc. He wasn’t worried about doing anything for our 10th wedding anniversary always worries about money doesn’t like debt.
He’s a great father and works hard I am just not sure if we have grown apart.

I know I was wrong with the other guy I still have to see him when I work and I feel like a twat for clearly being used. And treating my h like it. Where do I go from here

Sorry I meant to write now to tackle my marriage ! I think she gave home the wrong number but I think she is flattered. Yes Tammy you have hit nail on head. I won’t see him so much now he has moved so fingers crossed! I know I have been shit but the attention was what I craved flattered but yes he is a user and I feel very sorry for his girlfriend. I have found out more since unfortunately for me and his girlfriend he has lots of previous!

I think you’re getting an extremely hard time from some people here. The trouble with feelings is that they’re not logical and we can’t just reason them away. You seem like you’re working really hard to understand your own actions and feelings. You also sound like you’re giving yourself a hard enough time without having to justify yourself on here. Please treat yourself kindly, as kindly as you would treat a friend in your position. And give yourself some time to process all of this.

Thanks I think I was shocked by myself in 19 years never even thought the way about someone esle or even thought about cheating it’s come as huge shock to me and wake up call