How often does your partner help out with housework?

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

My partner works full time during the week, and some Saturdays and Sundays depending on what shifts are available.
I am 6, almost 7 months pregnant and stay at home looking after our 10 month old son and do all of the night wakings, 95% of the cooking and all of the housework.

I've told my partner that I don't mind doing the lions share of the housework as it's only fair seeing as how hard he works.
The only things I do ask him to do are put the bins out once a week, put his own dirty laundry in the hamper in the bathroom and not leave it all in a crumpled mess in our bedroom and to take his plates and/or cups out in to the kitchen and put them next to the sink at the end of the day.

I'm not sure if that's unreasonable or if I'm asking too much, but more often than not he won't even do those things.
Twice over the past few months I've left his pile of dirty laundry to build up in our bedroom to see how long it would take him to put it in the washing basket - over a week later it was all still there, gradually taking over our floor and he was starting to run out of work clothes. I ended up giving up and washing it all otherwise he'd have moaned at me for not doing any laundry and him having nothing to wear.

I can spend the best part of 45 minutes scrubbing our bathroom spotless (which i do weekly, sometimes twice weekly), bleaching the toilet, wiping his urine off of the porcelain, wiping down the tiles, washing the floor - just generally making it gleam, then he'll have a bath that evening, not wash away his dirt and hair from the bottom of the tub, get ready for work the following morning and leave towels on the floor, toothpaste blobs everywhere and hair all in and around the sink. Same story with the kitchen, when he cooks, it looks like a bomb's gone off and I'm expected to clean it.

I'm houseproud and do like things to be kept very tidy and like things done a certain way, but he hasn't changed the bedding in over 2 years and I think he's hoovered maybe three times in a year?

I by no means expect him to come home from work, crack out some scrubbing gloves and start cleaning everything, but the pregnancy combined with the zero sleep I'm getting from being up all night with our 10 month old is starting to take its toll me and I'd like a little help.

I've spoken to him about this a couple of times over the last 6 months and I've expressed how it feels like he treats me like a maid and our home a hotel. He'll do his best to be clean and tidy for about 3 days before reverting back to his old ways.

So, my question to all you SAHM's, do your partners/husbands/boyfriend do ANY tidying or is it perfectly acceptable for them to not have to lift a single finger?

I've felt both ways about this. I care more about the house being clean my husband is bloody awful. Focus on what he's good at...do what's important to you. If he forgets to put his washing in the basket tough etc. You are at home all day so impossible to ignore his mess if you like a tidy house. I pay for things I want done like window cleaning in the time frames that suit me. To be fair hubby is very good at lots of things....DIY Gardening etc. just can't see the mess in front of him.

This is my DP all over.
We both work full time, and similar hours and pay.
I have to get up an hour earlier as to get kids sorted, throw a load of washing on, make lunches.... Whilst he sleeps.
I get in earlier than him, as his commute is longer, as soon as I am home I get the washing out, put another load in, wipe down kitchen and wash and put breakfast things away, make sure kids clothes and PE kits are sorted.
Alternate evenings I juggle the general cleaning, washing cat trays and bowls, mopping floors and bathroom cleaning.
I then cook dinner, and he is supposed to wash up. He rarely does.
I then do a bit of studying and collapse in bed. I am resentful of him, and he knows it! He does have a burst of energy sometimes, but he is shit at day to day stuff.

I never saw as him helping me out, it's our house so the housework is split 50/50. When I was a SAHM yes I did do most of it during the week but at weekends we both did it.

I despise this oh he helped me with the housework by emptying the dishwasher, really?! If he lived alone he would have to do his own housework, your his wife not a skivvy.

When I'm pregnant I have severe SPD so cannot do much, DH would comevin from work hoover and then bath the DC as I couldn't.

@sweetkitty see this is where it becomes difficult for me as the majority of weekends, he works too. But it's not even like I WANT to share/split the housework 50/50.
I genuinely am more than happy to do it 99% of the time as I am particular about certain things and do understand my level of 'home cleanliness' is perhaps a little higher than most people's.
what I do want, however, is a partner who doesn't take me being at home for granted. I'd like for him to tidy what mess HE creates after getting in from work and then occasionally pitch in and do some bits here and there, but seeing as nothing really changes even after I've addressed the situation, it does seem like I've hit a bit of a wall.

@Kardashianlove thank you, that's sweet of you to say!

Weirdly enough, when I was pregnant with our first, my partner couldn't possibly do more for me if he tried. If I went to do anything he was all 'No! No! Leave it to me, I'll do it'. It seems since having our bub and falling pregnant again he thinks I've become superwoman and no longer need him to chip in.
I do suffer with SPD too, not horrendously, but enough to make me yelp when I roll over in bed or lift one foot off the floor. It's horrid, isn't it!

I'm not a sahm but I do work very part-time. I do a lot of the house work but don't do everything, especially on evenings and weekends when dh is home. I don't see it as him helping out either; it's his home, his mess and they're his children as much as mine so therefore his responsibility as much as mine. This is not something I've had to instill into him either; this is the way we've been since the day he moved in.

I think, in your position, I'd be leaving his mess for him to notice. I might also make it more difficult for him to avoid or ignore by putting it in a place that's inconvenient for him, such as his side of the bed or in his car. I wouldn't have caved in your 1st example either; I would have let him run out of clothes and shut down any moaning by pointing out that because he chose to leave them all over the floor, it's his fault they didn't get washed.

@juliej00ls I think a large portion of his lack of input comes from the fact he doesn't regard mess and untidiness like I do. He can happily get up in the morning of a weekend, leave the bed unmade, the curtains still drawn, go out in to the kitchen and make a coffee and spill sugar all over the counter and just not care about any of it.

I do tell him that housework in general becomes less of a chore if you just do things there and then, then things don't pile up and become overwhelming. But because he doesn't see stuff like spilt crumbs or toothpaste blobs on the bathroom floor as a big deal, it gets left for me to do and I HAVE to do it because i hate to leave it.

So one of us won't be sitting around while the other is busy, we will both sit down together when everything is done.

This is what you should aim for imo. It's not as if you're sitting around doing nothing while he's at work!

If you box up the dirty laundry, it won't need to annoy you. Put it somewhere it won't get in your way.

Then when he asks about clean clothes, shrug and say, "I've washed everything in the laundry basket."

My kids are too old to leave their stuff lying about. I have a "lost things" box and it all goes in there. Every now and then we sort through it together.

The toenails thing is disgusting and you need to get seriously angry. How does he feel knowing there's every chance those nails will end up in your DC's mouth?!

I have tidied the whole house today. Hubby is currently making a nice dinner for us as kids have been fed by him and are going to bed. I do get what you mean and on a bad day I could happily string him up but overall the plus far out weighs the negatives. I dread to think what the ceramic hob and splashback will look like😉 And this is a kitchen he has fitted himself so you would think he would be precious about it. Try to focus on positives and don't sweat the small stuff.

Autumn leaves - you are not being unreasonable wanting him just to tidy up after himself. Also as your DC get older they may be the same, never picking up after themselves treating you like a servant. I'm forever shouting at my four DC to just pick up their stuff.

We have a fairly traditional distribution of chores but, on balance, he probably does more than me. I do cooking, shopping, some cleaning and polishing but he does clearing after supper, bins, logs, fire lighting and cleaning, we both do laundry and swop loads as and when but he does his own ironing. I do flowers. He does emptying gutters of leaves and pest control. He does pool maintenance. I do any sewing or repairs. I tend to unload dishwasher in the morning. I used to do lions share of children but he did support in night and at weekends. If he was working away at weekends we all went too. He's never made a birthday cake or fancy dress costume but then I rarely sweep leaves off terrace or unblocked sinks.

"I'm houseproud and do like things to be kept very tidy and like things done a certain way, "

Well this is probably the starting point as you are in one place and he is in and looks like from a totally grim other place.

I mean, I dont make the bed or open curtains if I dont need to. But clothes need to go into a proper bag, basket or whatever. And the toenails things is dire.