Innapropriate comment OH said to my 5 yr old

[Lovebeingamummy77]

I would be so grateful for others views. My other half was at mine last night and i had no matches to light fire. He knocked on a few doors and came back with matches.. he said got them a few doors up from a lady. My son randomly said "she was pretty"... hes 5!! Im sure my OH said this to my son to repeat to me as a "joke"/ to wind me up jokingly? / being silly etc... immature i know.

Am i petty being irritated by this. I know it doesnt matter what others think or feel..its how i feel. But im interested to know how others would react?

You cant say 'you're making shit up' with respect! Ha

Of course you can. The Op IS making shit up. Its not an insult a statment of fact.

She keeps changing her story and adding bits in. Her OP didnt get the responses she wanted so she has changed it. Then changed it back when its been pointed out.

Dov you think your partner is going to run off with the old lady neighbour? Or the hot lady from the movie?

only 1 solution, beg for your own matches next time

Mumof56. I dont think hes going to run off with either and i trust him. I just dont like the commebnts as i find them unnecessary and insulting. Even if others dont .. i do... ive told him i dont like such comments and to just not verbalise when hes thinking someones hot etc... i find it disrespectful that after ive told him he still occasionally does it. This time was a bit different but almost worse as hes saying it to me thru my son... on its own its minor... i just wanted to see oyher peoples reactions to one incident alone hence keeping my originsl post brief

Ok so i asked him outright. His response was initially no i didnt. Then it changed to i dont think i did but i cant remember.. maybe i did but i dont remember.

At 6:25am, you decided it was an appropriate time to ask him about it?

You need to work on your insecurities.

Mum of 56 I asked him last night! My son made a comment yesterday evening again and so i asked him who said the lady was pretty. He said my partner said this not him. My son also said my partner was trying to pretend that he (my son) said it but it was my partner. So i asked my partner. Anyway... i have my answers and some helpful comments from here. Will leave it now and hope no repeat comments from him going fwd..

I can’t read your posts. The style of them. They give me a headache.
This thread is mad.

Is you your OH 13?
That post about sex scenes, or putting his arm around his brothers wife...

I think this incident is the least of your worries

This is about way more than inappropriate comments about a neighbour through a child. The man is a controlling arse.

Again OP - why are you with him? This is a short relationship, he does not live with you and he is a twat. So just get rid? Stop analysing every bit of shit he does.

And for the love of all that is holy get yourself on the Freedom Programme and some counselling for yourself too to work out why the hell you put up with this gaslighting shit.

Heavenly eyes..what do u mean gas lightiing?

The man is a controlling arse

It's not him that's trying to control what the OP says...

telling you one thing - doing another

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

Why are you staying with him Lovebeingamummy - you sound miserable and picking over the pieces of everything he does. I can only presume your self esteem is on the floor and your past relationships have been controlling too?

Heavenly eyes.. what do u mean controlling?? Im not sure a comment about someone else being pretty is controlling?

Your other thread about him is very revealing. This is about way more than him saying someone is pretty. Your other thread mentioned red flags and you are ignoring the advice given there.

So - again, why are you with him?

Heavenly in response.. because the things ive mentionned are split second comments or issues... they dont define whole relationship. Ive not mentionned the good things the positives etc or the general daily getting on well together, attraction, want same things from life, love him plus lots of other things etc. No ones perfect.. its a balancing act.. but clearly im not sure the good outweighs the bad enough and i have doubts about staying with him so im constantly analysing and mulling things over ... yes in ideal world ditch him n meet someone who has none of his negatives but they will have their own different negatives.

I was single for 3 yrs b4 i met him. I can be single and dont NEED a man but i WANT a relationship and im 36 soon and want more kids one day. Times running out.. no reason to settle or rush with him!! but im realisitc i didnt meet a decent man for 3yrs! So if i end it today then i risk not meeeting anyone else "better" if you like til im knocking on 40 and my chance of a baby may have gone. Its not as easy as to say... LTB end it move on... no one is perfect and i dont have much time really to meet n get to know someone else howrver i will leave him if i feel its the right thing... hence analysing!

So you will stay with someone who you have doubts with because you are scared of not having any more children? Of course nobody is perfect. But your previous thread about him being controlling over money and everyone then told you to run for the hills. Yet you stay. Sunk cost fallacy etc. It would be easier to be single and just get donor sperm than have a child with a man like this!

Have you done the Freedom Programme? The only acceptable level of shite/abuse is none btw.

lager if you think she's 'making shit up' thats up to you, i'm just commenting on how you then followed a disrespectful statement with 'with respect' oxymoron.

dear op... just people not everyone gets it and it messes with their head, the important thing is that its messing with your head and you are trying to work out wtf is going on and not trusting your instincts, which turn out to be right!

Listen to yourself, try not to be drawn by him and do keep talking openly about how being around him and his actions/words are making you feel... you will come to your own conclusions about how to act on that for the best for your ds and yourself.

do take care of you both and keep mental notes or journal them somewhere safe and see what your notes tell you perhaps?

He sounds like a pillock with the surreptitious groping of his SIL (being called out by his MUM ffs!) let alone manipulating a young child.

Telling a child to tell lie to a parent is a massive red flag for me. Yeah on this occasion it was a stupid trivial non-funny "joke" but grooming often starts out that way. Obviously I'm not calling this guy a child abuser but what responsible adult would behave this way?

Thanks everyone. Yes notthefirdtype the sis in law comment by mum did ring alarm bells.. not in that i dont trust him i do... i genuinely think he is the faithful type.. the sis in law thing is another eg of his odd sense hunour... a bit weird and inapropriate :-/ he actually told me about it b4 his mum made comment. He visited his family without me 1 weekend and came home and mentionned hed had a nice weekend and dropped in some banter "i was jokingly hugging (emma) .. "ooh yes emma " etc.. banter but i did cringe. Then his mum mentionned it to him! Hes innapropriate at times :-/

This feels like another thread I started about something my DH said to my daughter. (that she looked like she was having a fit when she was having a minor paddy). Lots of people commented that it was no big deal/I was being oversensitive.

But what I worked out (thanks to some perceptive posters) was that it wasn't the words, it was what was behind it and the wider context.

This might well be a kid thinking someone was pretty. Or it could be your OH's idea of a joke that he realised wasn't funny and pedalled back on.

Is it the kind of thing he's done before - or are you worried about how he is with other women?

Just to add op, abusers can be great at bring friends too and play to the inner desires and urges! Its how they respond when you dont like it thats important. If you've explained how cringey all the other stuff is making you feel and he cant take you seriously when you are clearly upset and taking this seriously then that is your answer; its the bottom line so makes the other stuff pretty baseless

Based on this alone it's a massive overreaction on your part but as there are other things going on it's a bit like a guest complaining about scuffed carpets on the Titanic

This feels like another thread I started about something my DH said to my daughter. (that she looked like she was having a fit when she was having a minor paddy). Lots of people commented that it was no big deal/I was being oversensitive

I was thinking about that thread

You have to learn the trick of ignoring the horrors who lord it over other women asking for help and advice, also act as if theyd up and leave someone at the drop of a hat. "Over-reacting" "over-sensitive" aka "don't be silly" they speak in the same way as sexist blokes. To be ignored, if you get into a back & forth with them they love it in "Yes! I've made someone else feel like shit!" fashion. Don't fall for it

Dump him

@MistressDeeCee - you're so right! But I do feel a zillion times better about things than I did before I started that thread (and another about DH falling asleep on the sofa every night - sounds a catch eh??)

It's not because everything is suddenly wonderful. More that I'd given up talking to my friends about it - become a bit of a hermit really. And dealing with all the posts made me realise what I wanted to say.

And of course the ones like you who got it made me feel blummin brilliant and not the self-doubter I was before!!