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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Innapropriate comment OH said to my 5 yr old

100 replies

Lovebeingamummy77 · 10/10/2017 13:09

I would be so grateful for others views. My other half was at mine last night and i had no matches to light fire. He knocked on a few doors and came back with matches.. he said got them a few doors up from a lady. My son randomly said "she was pretty"... hes 5!! Im sure my OH said this to my son to repeat to me as a "joke"/ to wind me up jokingly? / being silly etc... immature i know.

Am i petty being irritated by this. I know it doesnt matter what others think or feel..its how i feel. But im interested to know how others would react?

OP posts:
Flyingflipflop · 10/10/2017 14:02

Blimey. The bigger worry is that immature people play with matches.

missinghim2017 · 10/10/2017 14:03

Op It’s not been a week since you posted on here complaining about your partner’s controlling behaviour and now you are back about something else. Why are still with him ? He doesn’t seem to make you very happy

FannytheW0nderDog · 10/10/2017 14:07

I think you are overreacting ...

magoria · 10/10/2017 14:08

Why would you be upset by this comment and not by the confusing mixed messages you poor 5 year old son is being handed by this idiot?

Tell him not to do stuff like this with your son and not to blame him or make him feel he is in the wrong and to blame.

Lovemusic33 · 10/10/2017 14:16

Hmm I don't understand what the fuss is about? Even if dp did say this woman was pretty does it really mater? Do you have serious trust up issues with him paying a complement to someone else? I often see men and think 'he's handsom' doesn't mean I want to fuck him.

If you have problems trusting your dp or you don't agree with his behaviour then dump him and move on.

AngelsSins · 10/10/2017 14:34

If he told your son to say that, then he's pretty weird. Does he often try to make you feel insecure or jealous?

SpamBurrito · 10/10/2017 14:38

I can't get beyond the idea of knocking on someone's door and asking for matches. I'd turn on a heater or go out and buy some.

The other stuff I can't fathom. It was/wasn't a joke. He did/didn't whisper it to the child. Although he whispered OP could hear him from the hallway. The child couldn't say who said it to start with.
The lady was old so she couldn't be pretty. OP doesn't like her OH saying women are pretty.

I wouldn't react at all. I'd go out and buy a couple of lighters.

Dustbunny1900 · 10/10/2017 14:49

You don't even know for sure if he asked your son to say it though?? And there does appear to be an issue with him commenting on other women's attractiveness (is it insecurity issues for you in general or him being a creepy perv/trying to make you feel small and insecure?), five is definitely not too young to say someone is pretty but you know your son better

All in all a very confusing situation

2014newme · 10/10/2017 15:00

Yes go to the shop instead of scrounging at old peoples doors!

scottishdiem · 10/10/2017 16:03

I have read this so many times and I cannot see what the problem is. Or understand half the OPs posts to be honest.

Faez · 10/10/2017 16:29

I understand OP, it's like a form of negging and he's drawing your son into it

Lagerthaisfabulous · 10/10/2017 16:40

The op isnt confusing. The op has just changed the story.

In the OP the child 'randomly' said the neighbour was pretty. Then it changed to the oh being heard telling the child to say it.
Thats not random.

Tbh op it sounds like you are looking for a problem and and embelished the story to get people on side.

SquirrelPlantedBeech · 10/10/2017 17:15
Confused
Original poster
Lovebeingamummy77 · 10/10/2017 17:35

Yes faez! However ive taken on board comments.. im 90 per cent sure he told my son to say it but im going to ask him outright because i want to be 100 sure... if he didnt then great. Im 90 per cent sure he did... in whch case im not best pleased but taking on board theae comments i wont make a deal as minor but if happens agian i will make more of a deal as altho minor its not acceptable

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 10/10/2017 20:47

faez why does somebody's actions need a label slapping on it? He was negging her, really? Some people can act a twat doesn't always need a label.

This all sounds so bizarre and childish.

HeavenlyEyes · 10/10/2017 20:53

Why are you with this bloke? If he is making you this unhappy then dump him. You don't live with him and he is not your child's father?

username7979 · 10/10/2017 20:54

Why do you react so much?
Yes if he were to always comment how pretty, sexy other women are then you could be pissed of. It seems to be a one-off. Is this the case op?

RideOn · 10/10/2017 20:58

I get what you are saying OP.

If he had come back from the neighbour and said "wow she is pretty" I'd say either he was trying to wind you up, or you were posting about it because you don't completely trust him.

Instead he got your 5yr old to say it, even when you know the person is not a threat. Then he can have the same joke but you can't be mad!

SandyY2K · 10/10/2017 21:33

I can see where you're coming from. I get irritated with stupid jokes like that. I couldn't be in a relationship with a wind up merchant.

Original poster
Lovebeingamummy77 · 10/10/2017 21:45

Username... ive reacted because hes made comments b4 and ive pulled him up on it. Watching a film and he will say "ohhhhh yeh" when an attractive woman is in a sex scene etc. Plus then making this comment THROUHGH my CHILD i found even more insulting (he prob didnt dare say himself!)

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 10/10/2017 22:30

I read post and guessed immediately your man has form for this and thats why you are upset. I actually think its rude and disrespectful of him to say that to your son. & to feel the need to let you know that another woman is pretty. He didn't say it to make you feel good, did he?

Don't be sidetracked by the comments that imply you are being silly. No, you are not. He needs to learn some manners. You don't HAVE to like what he said either why on earth would or should you? Whats to like? So, have it out with him. Tell him to leave it out and don't involve your son in his nonsense

HeavenlyEyes · 10/10/2017 23:18

so again OP - why are you with him?

Worriedrose · 10/10/2017 23:42

This is clearly not about this incident

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 03:35

ive reacted because hes made comments b4 and ive pulled him up on it. Watching a film and he will say "ohhhhh yeh" when an attractive woman is in a sex scene etc. Plus then making this comment THROUHGH my CHILD i found even more insulting (he prob didnt dare say himself

This bears no resemblance to your initial post. With respect, it looks like you are just making shit up.

smotheroffive · 11/10/2017 04:15

You cant say 'you're making shit up' with respect! Ha

I do get where you are coming from with this OP. There is a difference coming home and saying that the lady that answered the door was really pretty which in itself can be fairly innocuous and open handed or it can be an underhand jab it depends on how its done.

What did he whisper? Does he have an answer that makes sense?

I think you are very doubting of him probably with good reason. If he's a nasty arse you'll never get any anwsers to any of it.

I am so tired of people assuming situations are so simple that they can easily just drop someone or should have as op wouldnt be questionning if this was the case.

Its good and intelligent way to go on to consider and be aware of his intent when its feeling so inappropriate

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