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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can anyone help/offer me advice?

60 replies

jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:32

ive left DH.
Im in a hotel room crying my eyes out cos i cant cope any longer with DS being at home 24/7, DD,s various medical problems and DH who refuses to give me any emotional support.
I dont want to go back home, but i love my kids i just dont know how to make sense of it all.

OP posts:
michaelad · 10/04/2007 15:33

Oh Jenk ! Big hug!!
Why did you leave?

Flower3554 · 10/04/2007 15:33

Oh you poor love. Do you have any family who could help you?

michaelad · 10/04/2007 15:35

Don't do anything too hasty now! This is not the absolute final decision or is it?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:36

its been building up for a couple of weeks, our house is like living in a pressure cooker i have DS who has AS that has been at home for 18 months and DH who has been on the sick since last August, they dont get on with each other and im sick of being the referee.
DH did something today which has really really hurt me that he promised never to do again and its the final straw.
As for family, no, my family are the get on with it and shut up kind.

OP posts:
LilyLoo · 10/04/2007 15:36

Oh dear where are the kids ?

theSelfishMan · 10/04/2007 15:36

hey jenk1

i'm sure you've made the right call.

Random support : [mwah]

Practical support :

look (right now) was to what benefits you are entiteled to, ditto, what xDH will givw.

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:37

no i dont think its the final decision, i dont know, i asked him to leave as he is the one who winds the kids/me up, its just horrible at home and i feel guilty leaving my 2 kids but i know if i stay in that environment any longer i will crack up.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 10/04/2007 15:40

Jenk1 I defintely think that he should leave, even if it is just to give you space, even for just a while. Do you have any friends locally that you can offload onto?

noddyholder · 10/04/2007 15:40

Are you near anyone who can come and support you?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:41

i dont really have any friends, my best friend doesnt bother with us anymore since DS was dx,d with AS and i cant talk to my mum cos she says everything is my fault.

OP posts:
misdee · 10/04/2007 15:42

jenk, aside from the dh stuff, are you getting any support at all? you ahve 2 disabled children, do you get any outside help?

michaelad · 10/04/2007 15:42

AS as in Aspergers syndrome?

custy · 10/04/2007 15:42

tell me about the practicalities money, house etc.

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 15:44

I think this might be time to call on your bf again Jenk1. you are sitting bawling your eyes out in a hotel room, she will want to help you, even if it is just a little bit. Call her, please.

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:45

misdee, no dont get any outside help, just been turned down by the SS for respite.

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:46

custy, we live in a HA house and im on benefits so thats not a problem.

thing is i dont know what i want, i dont want to split up with DH - ilove him but he,s not well atm but i cant take this pressure anymore.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 10/04/2007 15:46

where are you roughly could a local mumsnetter come to see you?

michaelad · 10/04/2007 15:47

How old are you children, jenk? Do you trust Dh to look after them for a night so you can take a breather and get your head together?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:47

im in northwest uk

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:48

children are 10 and 3 and yes i do trust DH 100% to look after them, i would never have left them otherwise with him

OP posts:
michaelad · 10/04/2007 15:48

I'm completely the other end of the country .

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:49

sorry just read that back and it sounds a bit blunt.

OP posts:
MrsPhilipGlenister · 10/04/2007 15:50

Jenk1

I don't know what to say. What did DH say when you asked him to move out?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:52

he said no, im not leaving.
he said he was sorry for what he did/does but he always says that and carries on doing it.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 10/04/2007 15:53

Well you are in the hotel for a night at least. So you can chill for a bit and get your head together. Your dc's are in good hands, your head will be much clearer after a good nights sleep. Is there a nice bath? How about asking your bf to meet you for a drink?