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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can anyone help/offer me advice?

60 replies

jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:32

ive left DH.
Im in a hotel room crying my eyes out cos i cant cope any longer with DS being at home 24/7, DD,s various medical problems and DH who refuses to give me any emotional support.
I dont want to go back home, but i love my kids i just dont know how to make sense of it all.

OP posts:
custy · 10/04/2007 15:54

is the house in his name?

MrsPhilipGlenister · 10/04/2007 15:56

jenk1, this seems all wrong that you should be the one who goes when it is H who causes all the problems

can you afford to go and see a solicitor who specialises in family law to talk about what your options are?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:56

i dont want to call my bf. she just doesnt get it, i have asked her for help/advice before and she just tells me to either put DS back into school or goes on about how well her children are doing in school.

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 15:57

house in both our names custy

OP posts:
Carmenere · 10/04/2007 16:00

Ok well if you know she will be no help fair enough, avoid her, crap bf[grr]. Is there no one at all that you could just let some steam off to, a brother or sister and aunt. I am hating thinking of you there by yourself.

MrsPhilipGlenister · 10/04/2007 16:00

I have no personal experience of Relate but many other mumsnetters have testified as to how useful they have found it.

Would H consider Relate?

custy · 10/04/2007 16:01

married?

you have a right in 'marrital law' to stay in the house and him leave.

tell him if you present at the housing office as homeless - they will turn round and chuck him out and get you back in the house anyway.

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 16:02

dont know if he would consider it but i will ask him.

I cant call any of my sisters, i have been accused of "milking" my childrens disabilties by my 2 sisters whenever i have tried to talk to them so i dont bother now.
the best form of counselling i have is Mumsnet.

OP posts:
custy · 10/04/2007 16:05

so what plan of action have you got

emotions aside - what plans are you going to take forward?

what decisions have you made?

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 16:06

Ok but how about if you decide to deal with the crap dh tommorow, do what custy says and make plans to get him out of the house, because she is right, he will have to go. And for tonight ring your dsis and don't necessarily unload totally on them but just go for a drink and try to chill abit. Or are you too distraught? Which is understandable too.

Dinosaur · 10/04/2007 16:08

jenk1, I've changed my name back to Dinosaur (have been mucking about as MrsPG but it's not really me .

I hope you're okay. Have to do some work now but will try and check in on this thread again later.

batters · 10/04/2007 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

batters · 10/04/2007 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 16:12

i havent made any plans.
i dont want to split up with DH, i love him, i just want him to see what he is doing but he is unwell and i feel that chucking him out is not the right thing to do cos i married him for better or worse, im sorry i know im not making any sense im just feeling very confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 16:13

h is off sick with anxiety/depression.

OP posts:
hesta · 10/04/2007 16:24

Hi Jenk
I don't know you or your situation, but I have done just what you're doing now. No one can really tell you what to do but I think you should just think one step at a time. Don't go home tonight if you feel at your wits end, you can think about what to do abt everything else tomorrow. Just be prepared for the possiblity of being made to feel guilty about 'walking out'when u do go home, but DO NOT feel guilty. You are no good to your dids or h feeling like this, so its a good thing to take some time out. Talk to someone even if it is the samaritans and try to resist the urge to get p*ed if you drink!

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 16:33

Look it has been an hour since you first posted, how are you feeling now? Any calmer?

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 16:44

i do feel a bit calmer, at least ive stopped crying

OP posts:
Carmenere · 10/04/2007 16:50

Good Now how about going for a walk out there in this lovely evening?

batters · 10/04/2007 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 18:03

yes i think you are right batters, but i dont know what to do about that tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 10/04/2007 21:39

DH is on MSN atm, he has told me that im so busy with the kids problems that he feels i dont have time for what is bothering him and that he has been bottling things up for ages.

I didnt know

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 10/04/2007 22:49

It is very difficult to combine successful marriage and looking after children with SN.

So don't beat yourself up.

However, it sounds as if the two of you really need a long chat or several and to find ways of working through this. Do try and find out more about Relate?

batters · 11/04/2007 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinosaur · 12/04/2007 11:11

jenk1 - how are things? Please let us know how you and DH are getting on. Are you back at home now?

Thinking of you...