Exhausted husband with nothing left to give at the weekend.

[PrincessPotsie]

My DH has his own company and works really hard. He has had a particularly busy week travelling around the country and is very stressed about his current projects.

We have 3DC and our youngest has just started in Reception. I have been a sahm for the last four years and have just started to work two days a week.

I get so frustrated at the weekends when my DH is 'absent' while at home. He has nothing left to give to me and the DC as he's used all his energy and enthusiasm at work. Things have been particularly stressful this weekend and I've felt like I've been treading on eggshells and trying to stop him losing his temper with the kids.

I have barely sat down all weekend and he's been out to swimming lessons and rugby with the DC but then slept on the sofa all Saturday afternoon and again this afternoon. He has hardly spoken to me.

This is not how I imagine weekends to be.

How do you cope with this without getting pissed off and resentful??

No, he's not shutting himself away - it's far worse:

"I've felt like I've been treading on eggshells and trying to stop him losing his temper with the kids."

How is it OK for a grown man to behave this way? I don't care how tired he is, it's a kind of bullying! He needs to sort out his anger management issues.

As I said before, both the op and dh are under pressure. All these people saying the op has three full days free are incorrect. If her youngest just started reception, then she will have five or six hours a day to herself max at best. And if she has three young dc, then she will, fairly often, have one at home ill. And have to struggle to do school runs when she is ill herself. And have to be within the vicinity to pick dc up from school if there's an emergency. Plus do all the stuff that school generates; forms, costumes for dressing up days, special assemblies, all extra curricular stuff then food, all bedtimes, all night wakings etc. Are people really blaming the op for wanting to share the load a bit at weekends - the only time her dh is physically present? It's hard for him, but it's hard for her too. She should be able to have one weekend lie-in for example.

Sorry sandy as I sahm to myself with an 18months old and two other school aged dc op has plenty of time to herself if I can manage time to go out with friends with my toddler in tow then op can manage time to herself with zero children at home. I do all you've meantioned but majority of the time those hours are free when the dc are at school.

Good for you Belle that's impressive (meant genuinely; not being sarcastic!). I must confess I sometimes found it difficult at home with just one toddler when dh was travelling (particularly if she was ill, or I was ill myself) so I take my hat off to those of you who find it much easier. Everyone has different tolerances I suppose.

If you are happy that you believe it is exhaustion and not laziness- I would give him the choice of one chilled day where he can sleep and do minimum but must be fully contributing on the other weekend day. If he can't do that then I would question the point!

The point is sandy she doesn't even have a child at home with her so her time in those hours are free time 5hours, 3days a week is plenty. Last year was a completely different story for me as my dd was in nursery so I was doing school run three times a day so my day was considerably restricted. There is nothing stopping op going to the gym out with friends for a coffee, cinema whatever. It's more than most working mums get.

I agree Belle - when everyone is well at least! I also know many women who find it easier going to work than being a SAHM. And women who find combining dc with their career very difficult indeed. And I know fulfilled SAHMs. And depressed SAHMs. It's horses for courses. But I don't think the op deserves some of the harsh comments she has received on here (not referring to yours!) when she personally is struggling atm. We all struggle at different times for different reasons and what one person finds hard, another will sail through.

I don't think that the op is wrong to have the expectation that things will be a little easier at weekends when her dh is present and to expect one lie-in - but things are not much easier so I understand her disappointment. It can be hard being alone all week and not have another adult to talk to about the dc; being left to make all the child-rearing decisions yourself etc.

As I said, it is about managing expectations, ring-fencing time for herself during the week, buying in help where and if possible, and accepting - for the moment anyway - that this is a period of time that is hard for both of them.

God help any man appearing in court before Guilty100, it will be the black cap even if the accused is Jesus Christ !!!!

He's grumpy because he's totally exhausted and stressed, Op is coming over as a little selfish. If the Op's husband had a much free time as her, in which he could rest, sleep, chill or having coffee mornings with his mates, or do a little shoe shopping, I'm sure he'd be the Jesus Christ of husbands.......

Op, start supporting your husband instead of nagging him to death......

I bet as soon as he starts zoning out, he subconscious tells him ' Shit son, you are going to suffer for this...... '

Op, you virtually have three days free, providing your time management is good, do YOUR zoning out then......

Just saying

A = as

Maybe the ill health of her dc and herself is clouding her judgement and sometimes we need some perspective especially if we've had a bad week. My DH is up at 5.30 then comes in about 4.30 and tends to work Saturday mornings as well often or not he falls asleep at 8/9 because he's shattered. I do wonder if ops dh is being snappy and short tempered is because he wants to wind down and relax as well and he's not given the opportunity to so especially considering the only time for that is the weekend. Relationships are a comparise I don't see the harm in letting him a nap if he wakes up fresher.

Belle 👍

I think weekends are a bit shit when everyone is tired and the kids are little. You just have to muddle through and make sure both of you are getting some rest.