Hello
I no longer love my wife, though I have enormous affection, respect, & concern for her. We've become more distant over the last 2 years, argue endlessly over petty things. We're both apologetic, but I think we're at the end.
Separately, I met someone earlier this year. We worked together very closely for one project that's now over. We had an EA, and kissed, once. We then stopped. Every so often we've spoken, but it's been over for several months. We stopped, because I felt terribly guilty, and I wanted to make my marriage work. Also, within days of our kissing, I discovered my wife was pregnant. She's due in February.
I have tried. I think I have been patient & supportive. But I continue to have feelings for the person I had an affair with, & the marriage has continued to slide. The moments of respite have gone from rare to almost nonexistent, and deep down I know it's over.
But obviously, it's not just us now. So the question is timing. I still care for my wife enormously. I know the baby is vulnerable to stress during pregnancy, & will need A LOT of care at first. Do I make a clean, honest break now? Or do I wait, help through pregnancy, and get say a year down the road, knowing my wife is as set up as she can be? I want her to be happy. I want to provide for her & our child as much as I can & I'll do that either way. In short, is it better to live a lie for a bit, to help her & our baby through the next stage?
For completeness: I would want to be with the person I had an affair with, but would hold back until I left, and - despite what I want - would make clear I wouldn't expect them to wait if they couldn't.