AIBU DH in bed

[hengyhorris]

DH went away last night with work friends and stayed over in a B&B. I stayed home alone with baby DS. He came home earlier and complained of being tired as he was up all night. The reason he couldn't sleep was he had been taking cocaine. I made some dinner which he ate then just got up and went upstairs to bed leaving me to tidy plates and everything away. I asked if he could come down but he said he's going to sleep. We have started taking turns having a lie in on a weekend and he said I won't be able to have mine tomorrow if he doesn't have a sleep today. Is it just me or is he being selfish? He went away yesterday morning so I have had DS on my own since then.

endofthelinefinally

I haven't ever been in a state whereby I 'couldn't' look after my child the next day, but a few where I didn't bloody want to. My dh was laid back about it and so was I. I say 'was' because we're boring and risk averse now too...just a natural progression, I suppose. We don't get up to much. We like hillwalking.

Meanwhile, OP's dh is sleeping it off...he's not actually comatose. The bit that grates with me, if anything, is the way OP was told she either lets him go to bed now or she loses her lie in the next day! Like he gets to decide that...like he 'allows' her one so long as he doesn't need it!?
Wouldn't be happy about that. He'd soon know.

Pictish. I was not implying you have got in that sort of state. Please accept my apology if it read that way. It wasn’t my intention. I think because I wouldn’t allow myself to get into that state because of DD I am struggling with Ops DP behaviour. His attitude towards Op lossing her lie in is abhorrent and for me sums up his utter lack of responsibility towards his family.

Yeah I can see that too, it's the real villain of the piece in my opinion.

endoftheline I am truly sorry for your loss.

However, to say that I find your son’s death from cocaine abuse to be ‘hilarious’ is simply not fair and not what I said at all.

I'm with Pictish on this, everyone deserves to let their hair down, it's not every weekend is it, just sort something out that you want to do and he can have baby for that time.

He's up. And it's my fault for not waking him up (even though I heard him get up earlier to go to the toilet )

Haven't rtft but seriously he's the parent who gets to take cocaine is he? Who agreed this?
Would he be OK with you writing off rest of day/tomorrow to have you turn taking cocaine all things being equal as such???
I'd put that to him tbh why does he get to be irresponsible drug taking parent while you get to be responsible default parent?

What a sorry excuse of a father tbh cant care for his DC cos he's to sleep off the drugs

Sweetbell - I think it's been established its not a regular occurrence, he's had a blow out with his mates. It's a couple of days out of the year. Is it really that horrendous.

I'm surprised by the acceptance of class A drugs on here. Is it usual nowadays ? I didn't know anyone who has taken coke on a night out but then I'm older.

So his gas lighting you about the situation now Op.

I think you'll find a lot of mumsnetters, including the middle-class ones, have had drug blowouts in their time. They're probably the ones finding this to be no big deal!

Bmimakesmecry I have known a lot of people do class A drugs recreationally in my time. Mainly through my 20s/early 30s. (41 now) Not something I ever did and didn’t judge those that did. But everyone I still see now that did recreational drugs back then stopped as soon as they had DC.

I too am surprised how casual some people find class A drugs. Also those who feel the 'need' to have a massive blowout every few months.

Didn't you get that out of your system in your late teens/early twenties?

Any man who does drugs on a casual or regular basis would be booted out. End of the relationship.

A blowout is one thing but was OP aware in advance her oh would be doing cocaine and therefore unable to parent at all following day?
Does OP also have an agreement going to use cocaine on a big blowout night? is this a feature of a r'ship with DC?

I want waiting for someone to say end the relationship. Oh the irony.

"Didn't you get that out of your system in your late teens/early twenties?"
Didn't know there was an age limit on it.

Totally with Pictish on this. If he was consistently negligent and selfish it'd be a different story. But the occasional 'night off' (with or without consequences the next day) are surely bearable between partners!

I’m with you Pictish.