Being told what subjects I can't talk about

[EvoCo2]

My DP is quite an odd man. He is extremely bad at communication and shuts me down every time i try to talk to him about certain things.

For example, he has previously behaved disrespectfully with a colleague and when I tried to talk about it, he just kept avoiding the subject.

Whenever I speak to him about something he doesn't like he says to me 'Do we have to do this again?' When I explain that I never get a straight answer out of him he accuses me of being jealous/crazy/aggressive etc.

Things came to a head last night again when I asked him about one of his friends who is an awful person (has no respect for women). DP's friend is extremely selfish and wouldn't help anyone else out. My DP seems to hero worship him and has in the past found himself in unacceptable situations due to the friends behaviour.

My DP went out drinking with his friend over the weekend and stayed over afterwards. DP was telling me some of the awful things his friend had said on the night out (including that people 'like them' (DP and friend) were not cut out for relationships and should just use as many women as possible as all they are good for 'is an empty'.

I am horrified by this and asked him why he is friends with this man. He got quite forceful with me and told me in no in terms that he was sick of hearing me talk about his friend and that he was always going to be friends with him,

I feel like I'm being controlling but I really feel that this friend is awful. I just can't seem to get DP to see that- he thinks his friend is brilliant.

I've now been told this is something else I can't talk about.

I'm not sure there is anything left in the relationship that I can speak to him about.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should deal with this? I feel really down and need to do something to help the situation.

Well done.

BTW, your behaviour is probably a lot more 'normal' than many of us would care to admit! When you've be treading on eggshells and at the mercy of how your DP decides to treat you then you will cling desperately to any positive scraps he throws your way. Of which this message is one. Too little, too late.

My behaviour is not normal
Well... I'm not sure there is such as 'normal'
But it's not wise that is for sure.
You should have run for hill when he told you about the prostitutes.
Please please do the Freedom Programme as soon as you can.
You should value yourself a lot more than you do.
But abusers can knock you down so far you can't see a way out.
There is a way out.
Your DM is supportive.
I'm glad you've blocked him but I have a strong suspicion you will unblock him.
So delete him now!
Block on all social media and email, if you feel strong enough for that.
Your life will be so so much better without this misogynistic asshole in it!

Your behaviour is normal. This is exactly why people find it hard to walk away from abusive relationships. It's also why so many people go back to them.

Please do the freedom programme. It will help you to understand your own behaviour as well as his. It will help you.

Well done for blocking him. Now remind yourself that the positive emotions you have when he contacts you are about the person he pretends to be to reel you in, not the person her really is. You are emotionally attached to the illusion he created but that doesn't make it any easier to walk away.

You're doing brilliantly. Keep going

Well done, OP!

Yes, it does sound messed up and that you'll probably need some help to see the wood for the trees in future relationships - one of my closest friends dated a vile man for years and then when he finally got bored of her and they split up, her next relationship turned out to be just as abusive, with her constantly blaming herself for making her boyfriend into an arsehole and treat her really badly. There was no telling her that it was him not her, she had to wait until she could eventually see it fit herself.

Luckily, that one ended eventually too, but it's really difficult not to fall into the same familiar patterns of thinking with new people in relationships, not least if it's all you know.

Yeah, I have to agree that your behaviour is fairly normal for someone in your situation, which is why it's so hard to leave these shitbags.

Somewhere inside you still hope and believe that the man you thought you were in love with actually exists, and that if you do everything right, he'll reappear - but he won't because he does NOT actually exist, it's all an act to keep you on the hook.

You can't "win" with this one, because he's not the man you would like him to be. He never will be.

Cut him loose, do the Freedom programme (as has been suggested) and I hope that the next man you meet will treat you with proper respect. Unlike this one.