My husbands affair!

[Princesscharming]

I recently turned 40 and for my 40th birthday present I discovered my husband had been having an affair with someone 10 years younger than me and 20 years younger than him! This has floored my confidence (was already sensitive about turning 40) and left me gobsmacked that the man I thought I knew better than anyone else could do this to me. He claims it’s over and says it wasn’t a ‘big thing’ to him, just a silly mid life crisis. I have seen text message from him to her saying he loves her and he misses her and ‘his heart pines for her’ but yet he claims there was no physical contact. Not even hand holding. I don’t understand how you can love someone and not even have held their hand!
Anyway, he said it’s over and there has been no contact at all since I found out (he works with her) and that he wants me back.
I don’t know what to do, we have a 10 year old DD who loves her Dad BUT what if he does this again (i don’t trust him anymore). And I find out 5 yrs down the line when I’m 5 yrs older!
Throughout the duration of the affair he was awful to me. He’d shout at me and make me feel horrendous, I’d be obviously upset, crying etc and he would continue to say hurtful things. Since I have found out about the affair his personality has changed back to loving caring one.
I’m really confused, has anyone else been in the same situation?

Well just imagine your future life socialising with your family and friends - it'll be great!

I've been here... when you work with someone you've been having an affair with it's impossible to cut off contact.. he'll still he seeing her. This happened to me and he was lying. He was still seeing her... you deserve better, you'll never trust him again

Many have found the resources and forums here helpful:

www.survivinginfidelity.com/

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Yorkshireyummymummy: Thank you so much for your post. Great advise! X

yes, he's done you a massive favour. you'll be way happier without him!

so sorry you are going through this. Been there myself. 4 year affair - he couldn't deny he'd slept with her because of the text I'd found. We split up - it was all completely destroyed. I'm 9 months down the line and past the worst. My advice? This is war now - get fucking tough. Fight. Get him out of the house. Now. Of course he has slept with her. My ex said 2 years before I found out it was 4. The first thing he will have done is minimised is the length of time. He needs shocking out of the selfish lala land he is in. He doesn't care how much you hurt - he doesn't. All the crying and asking for truth and love will not get you anywhere. He has taken advantage because he could, and you need to fight for your self-respect - because he is not interested in your rights as a feeling human being. When I first found out I tried so hard to save my relationship and felt that people who gave the cut and dry advice of ending it, didn't understand. But I feel very differently now. This man sounds awful tbh. Worse than my ex.

Thanks for your advice rosabug. I think I’ve come to realise that I’m mourning the loss of something I actually never had!!! Still difficult to swallow though. I am leaving him, and I will take what I’m entitled to. I don’t want to regret the time spent flogging a relationship that didn’t exist. Xx

Thanks cordel, I think I’ll come to see that in time.

Read up about emotional abuse/financial abuse/narcissistic tendencies and all the red flags. Probably more than you think apply to him. Oh and LTB but if you can get to see his bank statements take photos of them just so you know if he's telling the truth when he has to disclose financials for the divorce.

Thanks redasarose. I’ll do some reading!! X