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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why has my Ex bought expensive tickets for the school ball?

54 replies

donners312 · 30/09/2017 13:48

When he has refused to pay school fee's for years.

Took me to court to remove the DC from the school.

Refuses to pay maintenance or for any extra ciriculum for the DC?

The tickets are over £100 and he has bought tickets to go for him and GF? They also live hours away so chances of them going are slim and he refuses to come to where we live to see the DC insisting I must take them to him?

Is this just to wind me up - just bizarre?

OP posts:

jeaux90 · 30/09/2017 13:52

Appearances? Winding you up? Are you worried because you will be going?

Sounds like a prize tosser to me, you are well rid.

Ellisandra · 30/09/2017 13:53

How new is the GF?
Because in between paragraph 3 and 4, I thought "because he's trying to impress a GF".
It may even have been done with no intention of going - but he can pretend to her that he did mean to, but such and such came up.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/09/2017 13:56

What an odd thing to do!

The only reason I can think of is for some gain for him if he doesn't even pay fees etc.

I can't believe if you went through court he can avoid to pay CM as well?

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 14:00

The really are a pair of prize tossers there is no doubt about that. I don't think she is a new GF (think she was OW but only just found out abut her).

I just think why didn't you give the DC the money towards school trips or something (or to me for food maybe).

No i am not going I can't afford to!!!!!

Also a bit worried that if they do go my DD will get a shock because they are doing a flash mob (some of the children for a teacher who is leaving) and she deftly won't be expecting her father and his GF there.

OP posts:

JennyOnAPlate · 30/09/2017 14:00

Is it because you’ll be at the ball too and he wants to be a twat?

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 14:01

I have put in a complaint with my MP and CMS now re CM situation but there is no doubt if these dickhead "dads" don't want to pay they can defintely get away with it (especially with a millionaire GF helping you out and enabling you to not work - grrrrrrr!!!)

OP posts:

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 14:03

He wouldn't know if i was going or not?

I don't think he will go as they live hours away and like I say he refuses to come here to see the DC and insists they go to him (and that i have to take them)

Just totally odd behaviour (what's new then?)

Thanks for all the replies really curious what you all make of it.

OP posts:

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 30/09/2017 14:06

My ex did this once. Booked tickets for the school ball with his g/f (OW). I was astonished as he had ignored all the adults at school for years. They turned up, sat with people they didnt know, had a row and never went again. I hadnt gone as didnt fancy being on my own at a ball.

I think part of it was about him trying to impress her and to show the other parents that he was normal and OK. Unluckily for him they had seen the real side over several years. It is such a pity that these men wont do the normal stuff first and then you grow into the social side later.

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 14:09

that is so funny - they went and had a row!! love it!!

It's such a weird thing to do though isn't it. My ex has never set foot in the school and wouldn't know any of the parents I doubt he even knows which school year the DC are in TBH.

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/09/2017 14:39

Why do you enable the situation with access?

I know kids arent pay per view but he doesnt do a single thing for them financially or otherwise so why the hell are you doing that? He wants to see them then he comes to them.

And if they dont see him as a result then that will be a lesson learned for them, sad but necessary.

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 14:43

Pyong - No I don't actually do it, but thats what he wanted and also the court ordered it as well (had a thread about that too!!! - court ordered me to drive 6 hours to take the children to him!!!)

I have told him tons of times if he want to see the DC he will have to come here but he won't. Thats why it s so weird he has bought tickets for a ball here??

It'll be going back to court i'm sure.

He is just such a twat!!

OP posts:

Offred · 30/09/2017 15:05

I think you need to try really hard to stop wasting emotional energy on thinking about what he is doing and why! I know this is hard!

I think you need to see this as an opportunity...

If he tells you things like this I'd respond 'oh that's great! You know home school relationships are so important for kids!' And drop in something to remind him re seeing the kids whilst he is in town.

I'd explain to the kids he is coming too so they are not surprised!

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/09/2017 15:05

Sorry, I read it like you do.

He sounds like a real prize, how old are the kids? When did they last see him?

Offred · 30/09/2017 15:06

(And if it comes back to court just breezily be all 'oh it's great he has started coming to town to see the kids so he can after all')

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 16:16

Thats what so terrible - we have been to court 8 times and every time he has come here and not once asked to see the children? so he basically comes here goes to court (doesn't even ask to see the children) and then just drives home! It's unbelievable!!

I'm totally no contact with him but someone else told me he has the tickets.

The kids are 13 and 10.

thanks for your messages and yes you are right my emotional energy needs to go else where for sure!!

OP posts:

Santawontbelong · 30/09/2017 16:23

I remember your post about being expected to do the travel!! Glad to hear you didn't. Maybe he intends to show a judge the receipt kn the future to show his Fantastic Father Side!!

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 16:37

ah yes could be that hadn't thought of that one - look how i support the school.....

Thanks for reading my posts santa, yes he keeps telling DC "your mother is going to be in a lot of trouble for breaking the court order blah blah" they are both terrified i am going to end up in jail. Both in counseling now, its terrible but turned out he lied about where he lives anyway. It never ends!

OP posts:

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 30/09/2017 17:00

Fantastic Father Side - that is brilliant - so every time I write FFS I can have a cheeky snigger!

Onecutefox · 30/09/2017 17:15

OP, it's very good he bought the tickets. It's an evidence he has money.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 30/09/2017 17:20

One - you would think so, as it is luxury discretional spend but sadly the Family Courts dont care to see that sort of evidence.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/09/2017 19:21

Could you preempt him by going back to court yourself for a variation on the order because it is financially impossible for you to do the journey? I suspect it might go better for you if you do that rather than waiting for him to take you back there. You can self represent, there are a lot of MNers who have and I am sure that you will lots of good advice about how to do it.

Santawontbelong · 30/09/2017 19:26

My exh actually write to a judge personally to suggest insist nothing less than a custodial sentence would do for claiming cb for ds - that I had claimed for him his whole life!!

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 30/09/2017 21:02

Perhaps the girlfriend is paying op, and treating them to a night at a hotel?

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 21:10

She will definitely have paid for them - he is as tight as a fishes arse he never pays for anything and if you see her it is a case of, to quote the amazing Mrs Merton "so deadbeat dad why did you choose the millionaire mug you ...."

(she was fundamental in helping to rip me off financially - long story but is also a millionaire after divorcing her ex H)

OP posts:

Original poster

donners312 · 30/09/2017 21:12

pyong - I know i do sometimes wonder if i should take him back to court but don't trust the court at all anymore it just seems to bend over backwards to prop him up.

He will take me back to court but my plan is to just not go asI don't see what the court can do?

I'm not stopping him seeing them just not driving 6 hours so he can??

OP posts:

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