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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overwhelming sadness

85 replies

Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 23:08

When does it get better. My ex ended things quite suddenly recently with no warning. I thought we were happy. He seemed happy. I was. It just hurts a lot, this is the second weekend without him. Last weekend I was a mess. I was doing ok tonight but now I just feel desperately sad. My heart hurts. I can see on FB he's had a great few days whereas I'm just miserable (I'm not going to block, I can't). I thought I was getting better but it's bedtime and we'd usually be together right now. I feel bereft 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 12:21

I’m struggling today, really badly. I’m at work and every conversation with colleagues is reminding me of things we used to do. I just feel so sad 😞

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userxx · 04/10/2017 12:30

Keep your chin up Ami - its clearly a bad day. Tomorrow will be different again. Think back to how he made you feel with his shitty behaviour. Be pissed off rather than sad.

Blokesworlduk · 04/10/2017 12:43

I've always found that break ups hurt more when they are in the first two years (boredom hasn't set in yet), where one person loves the other more than they loved you (you in this case) and where you maintain contact even if not verbal.

Nothing you can do about the first two but you can cut the looking at what he is up to. Delete him from FB.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 13:22

Thank you. It is a bad day today and I don't really know why. Just everything is reminding me. Talk at work of holidays, a colleague is going away this weekend to somewhere we had recommended as we have been. Talk of dogs, my friend lives round the corner from him and has just got a new dog, says she has seen him on dog walks (she's not aware we have split up and I didn't want to draw attention to it). Its just crap today. I can't concentrate at all. I want to go home but I think I'm better being busy at work

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Blossomdeary · 04/10/2017 14:12

It's a crap day for you - there will be better ones round the corner, trust me. I am probably old enough to be your Mum and there have been some dreadful times in my life my life but here I still am!

I always used to say to my offspring: "Imagine how you will look back on this in 30 years time when it is all done with and forgotten and you have a whole multitude of other good experiences that followed." Take care.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 17:49

Thank you for your kindness. It really is appreciated so much. I felt I was doing much better but today it has hit me like a truck again. I guess there will be up and down days. Hopefully tomorrow will be better

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Worrynot1 · 04/10/2017 18:04

They say get back at them by living a happy life, hard I know. Start somthing new , like get fit do some Yoga etc etc watch out for them dating sites x don't drink yourself into oblivion. Thats me giving you advice after doing exactly the opposite.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 18:11

Worry I have no interest whatsoever in dating sites. Or dating. I feel broken and totally unable to trust again. I don’t trust my own judgement any more. Drinking I have cut down massively this week after a couple of weeks of excess. You should follow your own advice, it’s good Smile

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userxx · 04/10/2017 18:29

Don't doubt yourself, his shitty actions are absolutely no reflection on you or your judgement. Today was a bad day, tomorrow might be much better. You're riding the storm at the moment.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 18:50

Userxx I don’t understand how he presented as one person for almost a year then just turned. I’m struggling to get my head around it which makes me sadder. I’ll be ok. Hopefully tomorrow will be better

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userxx · 04/10/2017 20:01

Try not to over analyse, it is the way it is. I can't believe you had the wool pulled over yours eyes for a year, you come across as clued up. Maybe he changed, or maybe he just acted horrifically to end things, rather than being an adult and having a grown up conversation.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 20:30

I think he did it to end things. I can’t believe he was like that throughout. I’m 42, and clued up. I feel so sad tonight, I don’t want to be sad, I don’t want to be angry. I just want to feel normal again. Tomorrow is another day I suppose 😞

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/10/2017 20:50

How did he break up with you?

You should tell your friend with the dog. See if she can encourage her dog to pee up his leg or on his shoes.😂

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:02

Annie he did it while we were abroad on a holiday he wanted to book. He told me while we were there that I should have known we were just going as friends and that he’d told me this a couple of weeks before. He absolutely hadn’t at all. We’d had a really good relationship for just under a year. No hint whatsoever he wanted to end things. He strung me along basically so he could still have his holiday and binned me on our last night. His story about me knowing we were only going as friends was utter bullshit. I’m 42. We’d been absolutely normal before we went, nights out, days out etc. He’s a gutless coward. That night on holiday I was a bit drunk, abroad, alone and bereft. He humiliated me when I had nowhere to go. We’d had a great holiday too I thought. Now I can’t even think about it.

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userxx · 04/10/2017 21:05

I was also shocked at the shitty stunt that mine did to me, I expected so much more from him. I'm also clued up and your age - still bloody hurts though at the time!!! I guarantee you will feel better tomorrow. Smile

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:07

I hope so userxx. The end of the relationship I can actually cope with. That in itself is sad. It’s what he did, I feel duped, embarrassed, livid in equal measures. I’ll never forgive it ever. What did yours do?

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userxx · 04/10/2017 21:10

What an absolute twat!!!!!! Completely unnecessary and beyond cruel. It's shocking that a man of his age would behave this way. Pathetic.

userxx · 04/10/2017 21:13

Just started acting like an arse and doing the whole distant thing, instead of sitting down and talking like an adult. It was nothing in comparison to what you went through.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:15

Oh I know. Thing I’d he knew he could talk to me about anything. If his feelings had changed before we went that’s ok, not great but no need for hysteria. He could have given me the dignity and respect to decide if I could do a friends holiday. That last night when he said that was the first time I’d cried in front of him (cringe)

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Original poster
Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:16

Yours was a coward then too. I think mine was actually cruel and manipulative. I need to think more about what he actually did when I get sad

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CakesRUs · 04/10/2017 21:19

You can unfollow him so you don't see what he's posting, that way you stay friends. Not nice if him flaunting his happiness on FB so soon after a split. He didn't need to do that, it was thoughtless. It will get better Flowers

userxx · 04/10/2017 22:21

Yep, keep the anger, it's much better then sadness. This time next week you will feel different again, while he will probably be feeling worse. Guilt has a way of catching up.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/10/2017 22:42

What a twat.

I presume you were still having sex leading up to & while on holiday? Holding hands? Kissing? You know, 'couple' stuff? Hmm.

Could he explain when exactly he'd told you that you were going as 'friends'?

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 05/10/2017 08:11

Yes Annie, couple stuff all the way up to the holiday. He said he’d told me a couple of weeks before. I remember the conversation. All he said was that he was feeling anxious about our first holiday. In fact the day after that ‘conversation’ we went to a local festival, hand holding all day etc, nothing changed. He’s rewriting history of course

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Worrynot1 · 05/10/2017 08:28

The cowards seem to pick the worse times I had just been rejected for a contract was feeling vulnerable, perhaps not in best mood but everything was fine until one Friday then a text out the blue. Think it gives them power.

The worse part was finding her on all the dating sites 3 weeks after with some demanding profile about what she wanted (Tony Stark apparently). But 12 months down the line all is well.

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