Overwhelming sadness

[Aminuts23]

When does it get better. My ex ended things quite suddenly recently with no warning. I thought we were happy. He seemed happy. I was. It just hurts a lot, this is the second weekend without him. Last weekend I was a mess. I was doing ok tonight but now I just feel desperately sad. My heart hurts. I can see on FB he's had a great few days whereas I'm just miserable (I'm not going to block, I can't). I thought I was getting better but it's bedtime and we'd usually be together right now. I feel bereft 😢

[Bekabeech]

Have you looked at (what for me now is the thread below yours) the “30 days no contact” thread? It might help if you try that.
30 days of no contact is a good start, promise yourself that and give yourself time to grieve.

[FlowerPot1234]

I'm sorry this has happened.

The truth that the pain will fade and it will get better has to be believed and repeated by you. It really, really will get better, your mind/heart/body has to adjust to a new way of living in emotional and even basic practical senses, the change is not of your doing, you had no notice - of course there will be pain. Trust us all and trust yourself and know that this feeling will fade. It will and it will not take months before you notice you feel differently.

Remember: if he feels you are not right for him, he is not right for you. Read that sentence again and again and understand it and accept it.

Make a plan for yourself. Plans to fill weekends, plans to do with your job, a plan of what you will do the following day. Write it out. Look at it and revel in your plan and your life. Stop all FB checking. It's like hitting yourself in the face. It doesn't bring any happiness or add any value to your life, and it's pointless anyway.

Know also that we have all been where you are today, all dived down and never thought we would come up, yet everyone here on MN did come up again.

[Aminuts23]

Hi, yes I’ve seen the 30 days no contact thread. Today is day 6 for me

[Teddy7878]

It's almost like grief of someone who has died as you spend so much time with this person and then suddenly they aren't a part of your life anymore. Plan a week of treats for yourself. Have a pamper night in and watch your favourite film, go to the cinema, meet a friend for dinner, get lost in a good book, go to a fun gym class. Just do the things you enjoy the most and don't allow yourself to get stuck in a feeling of despair as it can be really difficult to get out of. Sending big hugs

[Aminuts23]

Thank you, I am. Hairdressers Thursday already booked. I got so many little jobs done over the weekend as I have more time on my hands. I was happily single before we got together and I will be again

[Teddy7878]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things and have a good attitude about it all. Just tell yourself you might feel down for a few more weeks but it will eventually pass and you'll be happy

[Aminuts23]

I’m trying . Certain days of week will be harder than others. I will get through this though. Friday nights will be tough for a number of weeks yet but I’m trying to fill them up with other things for the next few weeks

[GinisLife]

I'm 7.5 years down the line from you and still have my moments. I've always thought I was a tough unemotional stick but it devastated me when he ended it out of the blue. We were only together 3 years but for me he was finally "the one". It's hard when you discover it's not reciprocated. I think it's been harder because I never got the chance to tell him just how badly he hurt me by the way he ended things so I feel as if I never got closure. I did the no contact thing but in hindsight it was the wrong thing to do so immediately. I miss the life we had, the things we did, that he made me laugh all the time. Didn't help when I also found out he'd lied about there being someone else - and there had obviously been cross over. They're still together as well cos I saw him recently at an event from a distance. I was pleased I didn't feel anything - but still wished I was 2 stone lighter and looking fabulous so I could show what he was missing 😂😂. I've also never met anyone else I've wanted to have a relationship with so still single (but happily so). It's pretty rubbish though feeling like this

[Aminuts23]

Gosh that’s tough Gin. I’m hoping he’s a very distant memory in 7 years. I actually did, after about a week sent him a long email that was calm and polite but told him exactly what I thought about how he’d handled things and pointed out that I’d said from day 1 that I didn’t ‘need’ a relationship and if he ever wanted to end things just to say. I’m glad I did that now, felt like closure. Looking back he was quite emotionally needy and it was quite draining supporting him. The tiny callous streak in me hopes he soon realises what he’s thrown away and that every Friday he sits thinking about who he might confide in now! I’m definitely moving on slowly

[GinisLife]

You'll be fine - as am I really. It's the lack of closure I think. I do wish I'd sent him at least an email but it's far too late now. I did see one of his friends at a wedding a couple of years ago and the poor guy got the lot - I'd drunk far too much Rioja !! Not sure if he'd have told him how I felt though. I did gather that new woman was struggling to get him to commit though so perhaps not much has changed. Karma will come

[Aminuts23]

My ex put a very self pitying post on FB last night late. He has removed it today. I know I shouldn't look but that sort of thing makes me feel slightly better. It was sadness at being ignored. I haven't technically ignored him, neither of us have tried to contact the other. I find myself hoping he is hurting, saves him bloody well right

[Worrynot1]

Mine did the same after 3 years by txt, stages so far

1. Sadness try to reconcile
   
2. Shag everything on the dating site
   
3. Talk with her descend into anger
   
4. Revenge (little bit of sleuth work) and an angry ex of her new partner
   
5. Recover
   
6. New partner (but not committing again)
   
   At the end of the day the ones that just walk out the blue are cowards . They show no respect to the people who love them and don't deserve any.

[MrsMarigold]

Block him on FB and your phone, phone a friend, get on a swing in a playground, get your hair cut, eyebrows plucked, have a cup of tea, go for a run. Avoid alcohol and other men. Have a goal to work towards - it's 14 weeks until Christmas - try making some positive changes before then.

[Aminuts23]

Worrynot are they stages you have been through or your ex?
MrsMarigold thank you, I am trying to keep busy. I have a busy hectic job so that is definitely helping x

[Worrynot1]

Stages I went through

[Aminuts23]

Oooo dear. I don’t plan on doing any of that. I want to move on with dignity and head held high. His loss if you see what I mean. I shall not be trying to persuade him to take me back at all. Sounds like you went through a very painful bleak time

[userxx]

Sounds like he's having moments of knowing what he's missing already.... Ha ha!! Childish, I know!! Keep doing what you're doing, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Aminuts23]

Yes I think he is and I can’t help feeling a bit glad about that. He’s a very emotional guy and he always puts blurb on FB when he’s down. Entertainment in a fashion for me. I think it’s driving him mad that I haven’t been in touch. Presumptuous yes?

[userxx]

I'm sure it's driving him mad that you haven't been in touch. Nothing like taking back control and watching him wobble. I'm pretty sure one day you will resume a friendship of sorts, I've made a pact to myself that I'll never get involved with a friend again, too much at stake and a lot more upsetting when things go wrong.

[Aminuts23]

Userxx I don’t know about being friends in the future. We knew each other as teenagers but lost touch until last year (44 and 42 now). We weren’t friends as such before we got together last year, Just distantly on FB. I’m sure I’ve said before if he’d been honest I’d be in a much better place to build a friendship back up. The way he treated me when he ended it was so shocking from someone I trusted so much that I don’t think I can get past it, maybe never. I’m not angry any more, just still hurt that he would treat me so badly. I did always tell him if he didn’t want to see me any more to be open with me. Said that from day one. It was just so unnecessary. I’m not a hysterical female. He should have just said. Such a shame

[userxx]

Doesn't take much to have an honest conversation does it, so much better than being spineless and acting in a way that has clearly hurt you. You sound like me. Our situation was very similar!!

[Aminuts23]

It costs nothing at all and maintains honesty and respect. That’s hurt me more than the relationship ending to be honest. I thought I knew him, turns out I didn’t at all. I hope you’re bearing up. I’m doing ok I think

[affectionincoldclimate]

If you don’t want to block him, simply unfollow. It means the posts won’t show (although if you have friends in common and they tag him, it may show on your timeline)
He won’t know you can’t see his posts. You just won’t see them.
It worked for me few years ago when I needed space from an ex but didn’t want to cut ties.

[starskey80]

I'm going through the same at the moment. It's so so horrible isn't it. I feel for you, I really do.
I had to block. It was just too painful for me. I also unfriended all his family. Feel bad about that as they are lovely people, but I found it too hard. I was still looking for signs in their FB pages.

I've not done any social media stalking in nearly a week. And I am feeling better for it.

Social media really does make it so much harder to move on these days.

Blocking was the best thing I did.

Hope you feel better soon. Time really is a great healer.
I find the weekends hard, but last couple I've not dreaded so much.
So it does get better.

[Blossomdeary]

It will pass, truly it will. But it will pass quicker if you keep off facebook. He knows you will be following him on there and will be playing to the gallery.

Clean break - the time for ongoing friendship is at some point way in the future, if at all. At this moment you need to look forwards, not backwards. And you need to hold your head up high. Being dumped can make you lose self-confidence. Just because this man has let you down it does not mean that you are any less worthwhile than you were before - it just means he has changed his mind about this relationship. You are still you - a valuable human being who does not need his approbation to bolster your self-worth. Take care. x