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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Overwhelming sadness

85 replies

Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 23:08

When does it get better. My ex ended things quite suddenly recently with no warning. I thought we were happy. He seemed happy. I was. It just hurts a lot, this is the second weekend without him. Last weekend I was a mess. I was doing ok tonight but now I just feel desperately sad. My heart hurts. I can see on FB he's had a great few days whereas I'm just miserable (I'm not going to block, I can't). I thought I was getting better but it's bedtime and we'd usually be together right now. I feel bereft 😢

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Aminuts23 · 06/10/2017 12:36

I will thank you. I'm doing alright today but then I am very busy at work so that's good.

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MrsMarigold · 06/10/2017 11:36

userxx, I was thinking about you, hope you have a good time with your friend.

I also found it helps to think that your ex has moved aside so you have the chance to meet someone better in the future.

Go easy on yourself and good luck over the weekend.

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userxx · 06/10/2017 08:29

Hope you're feeling a bit better today. Have fun with your friend tonight x

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Aminuts23 · 06/10/2017 07:09

I’m out with a friend tonight x

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Fluffybrain · 06/10/2017 04:10

Do something different tonight that you wouldn't normally have done with him. Cinema? Go to a friend's?
What kinds of things do you enjoy doing alone?

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Aminuts23 · 05/10/2017 21:00

My best work friend leaves tomorrow. She’s got me through some very dark times. Just thinking about it I’m weeping again. I don’t have anyone else at work to talk to like her. It’s hitting me hard. On top of that she will go and it will be Friday night ‘our night’. God I’ll be a mess

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Aminuts23 · 05/10/2017 20:33

Hi Molly, sorry to hear you’re going through it too. I’m bearing up ok tonight, much better than yesterday. How are you doing?

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MollyWantsACracker · 05/10/2017 20:24

Hi Aminut
Going through something very similar to you, and it's been horrible
Gotta hang in there though and believe you will come out the other side.

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Aminuts23 · 05/10/2017 11:29

Storm yes I think you are. I’m very up and down but feeling better than yesterday. Hope you’re doing ok

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StormTreader · 05/10/2017 09:44

I think Im at exactly the same point as you OP, last night was all bad dreams about him dumping me again. It seems to come in waves, doing better, memory in the face. It will get better for both of us because it has to.

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Worrynot1 · 05/10/2017 08:28

The cowards seem to pick the worse times I had just been rejected for a contract was feeling vulnerable, perhaps not in best mood but everything was fine until one Friday then a text out the blue. Think it gives them power.

The worse part was finding her on all the dating sites 3 weeks after with some demanding profile about what she wanted (Tony Stark apparently). But 12 months down the line all is well.

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Aminuts23 · 05/10/2017 08:11

Yes Annie, couple stuff all the way up to the holiday. He said he’d told me a couple of weeks before. I remember the conversation. All he said was that he was feeling anxious about our first holiday. In fact the day after that ‘conversation’ we went to a local festival, hand holding all day etc, nothing changed. He’s rewriting history of course

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/10/2017 22:42

What a twat.

I presume you were still having sex leading up to & while on holiday? Holding hands? Kissing? You know, 'couple' stuff? Hmm.

Could he explain when exactly he'd told you that you were going as 'friends'?

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userxx · 04/10/2017 22:21

Yep, keep the anger, it's much better then sadness. This time next week you will feel different again, while he will probably be feeling worse. Guilt has a way of catching up.

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CakesRUs · 04/10/2017 21:19

You can unfollow him so you don't see what he's posting, that way you stay friends. Not nice if him flaunting his happiness on FB so soon after a split. He didn't need to do that, it was thoughtless. It will get better Flowers

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Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:16

Yours was a coward then too. I think mine was actually cruel and manipulative. I need to think more about what he actually did when I get sad

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Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:15

Oh I know. Thing I’d he knew he could talk to me about anything. If his feelings had changed before we went that’s ok, not great but no need for hysteria. He could have given me the dignity and respect to decide if I could do a friends holiday. That last night when he said that was the first time I’d cried in front of him (cringe)

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userxx · 04/10/2017 21:13

Just started acting like an arse and doing the whole distant thing, instead of sitting down and talking like an adult. It was nothing in comparison to what you went through.

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userxx · 04/10/2017 21:10

What an absolute twat!!!!!! Completely unnecessary and beyond cruel. It's shocking that a man of his age would behave this way. Pathetic.

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Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:07

I hope so userxx. The end of the relationship I can actually cope with. That in itself is sad. It’s what he did, I feel duped, embarrassed, livid in equal measures. I’ll never forgive it ever. What did yours do?

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userxx · 04/10/2017 21:05

I was also shocked at the shitty stunt that mine did to me, I expected so much more from him. I'm also clued up and your age - still bloody hurts though at the time!!! I guarantee you will feel better tomorrow. Smile

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Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 21:02

Annie he did it while we were abroad on a holiday he wanted to book. He told me while we were there that I should have known we were just going as friends and that he’d told me this a couple of weeks before. He absolutely hadn’t at all. We’d had a really good relationship for just under a year. No hint whatsoever he wanted to end things. He strung me along basically so he could still have his holiday and binned me on our last night. His story about me knowing we were only going as friends was utter bullshit. I’m 42. We’d been absolutely normal before we went, nights out, days out etc. He’s a gutless coward. That night on holiday I was a bit drunk, abroad, alone and bereft. He humiliated me when I had nowhere to go. We’d had a great holiday too I thought. Now I can’t even think about it.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/10/2017 20:50

How did he break up with you?

You should tell your friend with the dog. See if she can encourage her dog to pee up his leg or on his shoes.😂

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Aminuts23 · 04/10/2017 20:30

I think he did it to end things. I can’t believe he was like that throughout. I’m 42, and clued up. I feel so sad tonight, I don’t want to be sad, I don’t want to be angry. I just want to feel normal again. Tomorrow is another day I suppose 😞

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userxx · 04/10/2017 20:01

Try not to over analyse, it is the way it is. I can't believe you had the wool pulled over yours eyes for a year, you come across as clued up. Maybe he changed, or maybe he just acted horrifically to end things, rather than being an adult and having a grown up conversation.

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