Crying and shaking

[houseinthecorner]

This morning me and my husband were in a rush trying to do the school run and then go to the hospital for me to have blood tests. Just before setting off he put his gold chain ( that I bought him) in his pocket coz he was rushing and didn't put it round his neck. He dropped them off at school but then didn't leave the car again till he got home. 2 hours later at home he realised he lost it. He went mad, we looked everywhere and went back to the school and it wasn't there. He's now blaming me saying I cause him stress and it's all my fault that he didn't have time to wear it and that he put it in his pocket instead. It's his only day off today and he's spending it in bed now saying he can't do nothing now so I'm left to deal with everything now. If I don't find this good chair I'm going to get crap off him all day and for weeks to come. I'm sat crying because I don't know what to do to make it better again and I can't talk to him coz he's in a bad mood and is blaming me.

Does he always blame you for his errors?

Yes he often blames me for his mistakes
Don't know what to do now

If that’s the case then leave him to fester upstairs and get on with your day. Don’t make him dinner or clean his mess or do his housework. Tell him firmly it was his fault and if you cause him so much stress he should fuck off.

First of all, calm down. No-one is hurt, no-one has died. It's a gold chain. A 'thing'.

Secondly, your husband sounds like a spoilt baby. Does he always act like this? Sulk and blame you?

Thirdly, check the car again. Then go out for a coffee or something and leave him to sulk. In bed. Like a baby.

It sounds like he is emotionally abusive.

Yes he does always blame me when things go wrong. I feel intimidated by him sometimes. I've checked the car over and over and it's not there. I know it's only a material thing but he just won't stop. If I don't find this chain my life is going to be miserable l.

He needs some alone time to grow tfu! Enjoy the peace and quiet and have a nice day!!
I wouldn't hold you breath for an apology but dont you dare go crawling up his arse trying to make him feel better!! You have don't absolutely nothing wrong. .
Except for putting up with his shit. .

The chain will be in the car. I always lose things in there.

Your Dh is a nasty fucker, btw. He shouldn't be blaming you for losing his necklace. If he didn't have time to put it on, then he should've left it at home.

I really wish it was in the car but I've looked everywhere. He always thinks he's right so there is no way he will back down on this and will cause is stress over this for days. It's ruined a nice day as it's his only day off we was going to spend together but he's going to spend it in bed.

He's emotionally abusive. You are not at fault. Google emotional abuse. There is help out there.

He needs to learn to act appropriately in a relationship or you should leave him. This won't get better unless he is prepared to work on himself. Do you still want to feel intimidated and deal with this kind of ridiculous tantrummy manipulating crap for the rest of your life?

You didn't lose it, it's not your fault. He is a bully.

Go out and have a nice day by yourself OP . He's responsible for his horrible behaviour, not you.

He doesn't see it like that and I can't reason with him.

Let the lazy fucker look for his own jewellery that he lost himself. Go out and do something you enjoy so your day is not wasted. Then tell him to stop blaming you for his mistakes. End the conversation there and don't get drawn into any further drama. Just ignore his attempts to create an argument. Hopefully it will give him pause for thought before he gets into his next strop.

Don't try to reason with him. How can you when he's not reasonable!?

Stop looking for the chain! This is not about the chain , you could swap the word chain for almost any other noun and this post would still be about the same thing - his need to control you and your time with his anger.

Listen to pps op and leave him to his sulk fest. Get out for the day and give yourself time to think about whether this life is the one you want.

There's no reasoning with unreasonable people. What would happen if you left him to stew & went out & did something nice for yourself? I mean, would your punishment be worse than it's going to be anyway?

OP you haven't done anything wrong AT ALL. Who does he think he is blaming you for his own mistakes? He sounds like a horrible, childish arsehole. He is making you feel terrible for something you didn't even do, that is completely wrong. You sound really ground down and nervous of him, and I'm guessing his over-bearing attitude towards you has eaten away your self esteem as you are too wary of him in a bad mood to defend yourself? You shouldn't have to live like this. He wouldn't treat you like this if he respected you. You sound much too good for him. Why do you stay with him, he sounds awful?

Any man that has his partner 'crying and shaking' is abusive and you need to leave. Either that or it's less serious and you need to get a grip. But probably the first.

You simply cannot stay with this horrible man. Start making plans right now for a nicer life without him. You can do it 💐

You don't have to reason with him. When he starts blaming you tell him he's the one who lost it and you're not prepared to discuss it further. If he keeps on at you, leave the room. Just don't engage. If he won't let you leave the room, or threatens you, call the police.

He's behaving badly and you deserve better.

I think he's pawned it.

He sounds horrendous OP.

Is he bullying like this towards you regularly?

He's abusive. And clearly this is not an isolated incident.
Have you read Lundy Bancroft's book?

this man is a disgrace - I'm not one for shouting LTB but you really need to chuck him out.

and read this [https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody]