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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The man who'd claimed he's exclusive with me is arranging for sex with randoms on Instagram

70 replies

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 20:38

I've been dating this guy for a while and he claimed we were exclusive. I thought I was in love. He told me he'd never felt such a connection. A few days ago I became suspicious after an acquaintance mentioned that my guy is a well-known player and, to quote her, "will f*ck anything, from age 16 to age 100, especially if they are gullible or willing to give him money."

That is quite a statement. Obviously I was alarmed. My bestie came up with a plan to see what he's capable of. She followed him using a fake account on his business Instagram and posted a slightly flirtatious comment about how nice it was to meet him. He replied openly on the IG asking her if she was free this Saturday. Then he went into private messages with her and asked her if she likes sex, told her he can take her anywhere she wants on Saturday night and that he can give her whatever she wants, be that a boyfriend or just casual sex, it's all up to her. He gave her his number and gave her a time and place to meet on Saturday. He asked for her age. She gave her fake age of 19. This man is 40 (I'm late 30s).

She asked him if he's definitely single. He said that yes he broke up with his girlfriend just last week and that he'd been with the gf for 6 months. He said "I'm a completely free agent."

I feel so completely humiliated right now. Finding it difficult to cope Sad

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 29/09/2017 14:43

tell him you are looking forward to that meal !! please go OP, worth it just to humiliate him--what an utter dick

Artemisi · 29/09/2017 14:46

He is trying to get the fake profile to just meet him at his flat though!

OP posts:
Annelind · 29/09/2017 15:12

What an utter sleazebag

happypoobum · 29/09/2017 15:17

I wouldn't just ghost him. I would dump him because "the sex just wasn't up to standard."

And yes, sorry, I think you need to get an STD check Sad

SecondMrsAshwell · 29/09/2017 15:22

I'd get the fake profile to agree to meet him at his flat and then you turn up. At 7.35, when she's ever so slightly late......

GhoulsFold · 29/09/2017 17:12

Eurgh, the fake cheesy slimy messages are nauseating. No sane genuine man goes straight in with this kind of crap - or even at all

The "I wanna take you to the stars!" line is so transparent, it smacks of a lying sleazebag user. Did he use this kind cheese on you OP? I would personally consider this a red flag for next time.

Hope you're doing ok OP? Flowers

AngelaTwerkel · 29/09/2017 18:12

Am I going to see your sweet young self tomorrow. I wanna take you to the stars'

'Let's just say guys like me are not ur average tom dick and harry...but defo know how to make a young women like you feel great.'

'Let's just go with the flow and see where the night goes. Anything is possible. We can go for a meal first, have a chat......and then we see.'

He is a walking, talking cliché. I am cringing at the lack of originality!

Shakey15000 · 29/09/2017 18:22

I would also dump him telling him it's because he's shit in bed and you're used to someone better endowed. And finish with a breezy "no offence" before you block and delete Grin

Artemisi · 29/09/2017 18:32

This is getting really scary now. The stuff he's saying etc.... Because he thinks he is chatting to an impressionable teenager he is revealing a lot about himself. I'd better not go into too much detail here. But he is one seriously scary guy it seems.

At least now I know.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 29/09/2017 18:34

Don’t string this along too much, it will just obsess you. Time to dump?

Aminuts23 · 29/09/2017 18:40

Oh my gosh. What a sleazy vile pig. And it is scary that he thinks he's messaging such a young girl. Don't agonise over this any more. End it with the messages, block him and take care of yourself Flowers

Artemisi · 29/09/2017 18:42

@adalindschade yes he is dumped. He just doesn't know it yet!

OP posts:
Artemisi · 29/09/2017 18:43

@AmiNuts23 yup, I know all I need to know now.

OP posts:
WheresMyTaco · 29/09/2017 18:49

I wouldn't just ghost him. I would dump him because "the sex just wasn't up to standard.

That's what I thought too. But do it in a way that makes it sounds like you're trying not to hurt his feelings and you're letting him down gently.

Throwing a drink over him would just stroke his ego

Artemisi · 29/09/2017 19:02

There's no way I'm throwing a drink over him or making comments about his sexual prowess now that I know what I now. I don't know what he would do to me. Without going into details his messages and general conduct towards the fake profile today has been sociopathic.

I will just ghost and hope for the best.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 29/09/2017 19:03

Sorry you are going through this.

I don't think there is any story you could possibly dream up, that would cause him to reflect more than not knowing, so i would encourage you to just bock him everywhere.

And, you know, tbe only good revenge is a life lived well, with him not given a second thought. All the very best, xx

LilaoftheGreenwood · 29/09/2017 19:13

You are very wise, just ghost! Why endanger yourself? I agree with a pp who said that will be the biggest blow to his ego anyway, he won't know why, he is used to being the one who ghosts.

Artemisi · 29/09/2017 20:42

What if he finds out the profile was fake? I hope he won't harm me.

OP posts:
TinkleWoed · 29/09/2017 21:05

Didn't you post about meeting a guy in a book shop recently who was being late/forgetting to text you and you saw some misogynistic comments on his FB-Is this the same guy? Apologise if there's been a mix up-my brain is fried these days!

SparklyMagpie · 30/09/2017 01:50

TinkleWoed yes, I'm assuming this is the same guy from the book shop

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