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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The man who'd claimed he's exclusive with me is arranging for sex with randoms on Instagram

70 replies

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 20:38

I've been dating this guy for a while and he claimed we were exclusive. I thought I was in love. He told me he'd never felt such a connection. A few days ago I became suspicious after an acquaintance mentioned that my guy is a well-known player and, to quote her, "will f*ck anything, from age 16 to age 100, especially if they are gullible or willing to give him money."

That is quite a statement. Obviously I was alarmed. My bestie came up with a plan to see what he's capable of. She followed him using a fake account on his business Instagram and posted a slightly flirtatious comment about how nice it was to meet him. He replied openly on the IG asking her if she was free this Saturday. Then he went into private messages with her and asked her if she likes sex, told her he can take her anywhere she wants on Saturday night and that he can give her whatever she wants, be that a boyfriend or just casual sex, it's all up to her. He gave her his number and gave her a time and place to meet on Saturday. He asked for her age. She gave her fake age of 19. This man is 40 (I'm late 30s).

She asked him if he's definitely single. He said that yes he broke up with his girlfriend just last week and that he'd been with the gf for 6 months. He said "I'm a completely free agent."

I feel so completely humiliated right now. Finding it difficult to cope Sad

OP posts:
garmsfresh · 27/09/2017 20:40

Dump the lump, he sounds like a massive melt.

Brahms3rdracket · 27/09/2017 20:46

If anyone ever deserved a ghosting it's this man.

Sneezeandooops · 27/09/2017 20:46

That's harsh op, I bet your brain is in overdrive. You may not feel like it but maybe get all dressed up and go to where he is meeting the made up 19 yr old and chuck a drink at him, might make you feel better after. Also it's a horrible thought but better get yourself checked out incase he has been with other people. Sending Flowers you have mumsnet here to support you x

Annelind · 27/09/2017 20:54

I'm with Brahms - ghost and block EVERYWHERE. No explanations. You owe him nothing. Read the "30 days no contact" thread if you struggle. Best of luck OP Flowers

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 21:00

Part of their chat

Bf "are you single?"
Friend "yeah"
Bf "you wanna go out Saturday night?"
Friend "just like that? Are you single?"
Bf "yes I am. You wanna send me more pics? What food do you like?"
Bf "so what u looking for now?"
Friend "you're just looking for sex right?"
Bf "you're the one contacting me. Do you want just sex?"
Friend "I'm looking for a bf"
Bf "Cool. Can do that. Am easy going can go with the flow and see what happens. Can you do 7.30? What food do you like?"

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 27/09/2017 21:05

Why are you feeling humiliated OP? The fact that you didn't know what he is truly like speaks volumes for your trust and loving nature. You are not responsible for his behaviour.

Repeat after me.
This man is not worthy of me. I'm so glad I know his true character. He is a sad, pathetic, loser. I deserve so much better!

GhoulsFold · 27/09/2017 21:06

Poor you OP. What an absolute pig!

Something similar happened to a friend, except she met him on POF... and the arsehole was still using the site to hook up with other women.

I also once went on a couple of dates with a guy I met at a club who said he'd separated from a long term gf and was living with his parents for the time being. I got a phone call one evening... from his wife! Turns put they'd been married 10 yrs and had 2 young DS's.

As others have said, ghost him. No texts, social media, calls, emails. NOTHING. Just block him from everything. He deserves zero effort from you any more.

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 21:08

This all happened just earlier tonight. I'm in a state of shock tbh

OP posts:
Annelind · 27/09/2017 21:08

I don't know the guy - I am slapping him silly in my mind though! yeah yeah, I wouldn't do it IRL - and ghosting will be a big enough slap in the face for the piece of shit. Sleazing after a '19 year old' FFS, on top of being a bastard liar Angry

AngelaTwerkel · 27/09/2017 21:16

Poor you, I'm sorry it's been such a shock.

I agree with ghosting - a blow to his ego for sure.

LucieLucie · 27/09/2017 21:23

No wonder you’re in shock, you’re actually a victim of a type of fraud. He’s obtained regular sex from you by deception.

Not your fault and nothing you could have done differently would ever change a man like him.

Please block, ghost, whatever but don’t engage with him anymore. He’ll gaslight and make you out to be in the wrong somehow.

Find comfort and support by whatever means necessary and of course get yourself thoroughly STI checked asap.

FlowersWineCake

Annelind · 27/09/2017 21:25

Angela Twerkel you beat me to it! this type of jizzmonger have massive egos. Being blocked EVERYWHERE by OP will really bite. He won't know why, and this will eat him up. Hope it causes permanent willy shrivel Grin

SandyY2K · 27/09/2017 21:28

I'd tell him I'm not feeling it and end it. Then block him every which way possible.

He doesn't deserve any more of an explanation than that.

category12 · 27/09/2017 21:28

And your question is?

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 21:29

I can assume now that everything he has ever said is a lie

OP posts:
Orlandointhewilderness · 27/09/2017 21:33

Dump the bastard and go for a long girly night with your BF who had the guts to tell you, friends like that are worth so much more than most men!
It's just crap isn't it.

Annelind · 27/09/2017 21:37

EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER SAID IS A LIE
Keep that it your mind, OP, amid the chaos of pain and confusion. You will get through this. You had the misfortune to fall in with a player - and the fortune to find out without him knowing. You have all the cards in your hand now. BLOCK. NO CONTACT. He'll hate that. You'll be ok. Time and taking care of yourself - and venting to friends and here will see you through x

forumdonkey · 27/09/2017 21:43

Arrange to meet the cunt, make sure he has to go to a lot of trouble to get there and if you can stand back and watch him as he's 'stood up'.

Bless you, I feel for you, but at least you know now and can drop his sorry arse.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 27/09/2017 21:44

Oh I'm sorry Artemisi. What a scummy wankbadger. Sad

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 21:52

He really is scum Sad

OP posts:
Annelind · 27/09/2017 21:56

And you are fortunate to find out just how scummy. Let your Sad turn into Angry and eventually Smile at your lucky escape from the pondslime

Artemisi · 27/09/2017 21:59

He would bang literally anything wouldn't he? Even a hole in the wall?

The person who tipped me off describes him as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder

OP posts:
LilyMcClellan · 27/09/2017 22:05

Please please try to keep in mind that his behaviour is NO reflection of you or your value.

It's clear this guy is an absolute douchebag who is willing to say or do anything without an ounce of morality or regret.

It must be very hard to learn that you were fooled by his lies, but please understand that guys like this are incredibly charming and believable.

It is not because you have been stupid or naive, it's because he's done this so often that lying convincingly is second nature to him. Hell, he probably half-believes himself.

As Brahms said, block and ghost immediately. And send that woman who tipped you off a bunch of flowers.

Annelind · 27/09/2017 22:16

It won't feel like it now, OP, but you are the winner here. Karma is a bitch. He'll get his someday. Meanwhile live your best life. You and your friends will laugh about this one day. Trust me. Just a little glitch in life. You are the winner Smile

MyUsername200 · 27/09/2017 22:47

It feels shit right now OP but you'll be better off if you get rid of him now. He's not worth it and you wouldn't be able to trust him at all.

Flowers for you. Onwards & upwards! Smile