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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So secretive, or am I nosey?

77 replies

ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:19

been with my partner for 2 years. Ive never met any of his friends apart from one we met at a car show but even then my partner did his best to keep us apart. I've never met his family, we were supposed to be going to a party at his aunts but he kept 'mixing up' the dates, pretending (i assume) that he didnt know when it was and then cancelled our appearance altogether. He swears blind now that it was all a genuine mistake and he really wanted me to go and meet everyone .

He's seen lots of my old photos, from childhood, old family pics, even pics I took myself as a teenager, I've seen nothing of his past at all apart from one photo that was taken at university about 4 years ago. Whenever I ask he says there is no way I'll ever see them as he's too "embarrassed" by them.

He's never invited me to his house, he says its because he's ashamed of it, its a mess as his parents never tidy up, I said my house is a mess, I dont care and he said his is much worse....

Whenever I try and talk about his family he changes the subject and gets moody, when I ask why he says its because he doesnt like talking about them and I should respect that, I asked why he doesnt like talking about them and he says its because he would much rather me meet them and ask my questions to their faces rather than through them??? that just sounds stupid...

So is he being too secretive or am I being too nosey?

OP posts:
ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:21

He's met all my family btw, ven my aunts, uncles, cousins etc...

OP posts:
oxocube · 07/04/2007 15:23

I would find this very odd after 2 years. Sounds like he's ashamed of his family which is sad. How old is he if you don't mind me asking?

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:23

Gosh! I personally think this is rather odd behaviour on his part. How old is your bf? Could it be that he has a secret life/wife/gf?

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 07/04/2007 15:23

hmmm seems odd to me indeed. 2 years is a long time to be seeing someone and not met their friends/family, although I can't really talk as I've been with b/f for two years and not met any his friends or family either.. my choice tho, not his (am painfully shy)

What's the rest of your relationship like?

Bingle · 07/04/2007 15:23

No, he's weird! Maybe if you had been together only a few months it would be acceptable...

lulumama · 07/04/2007 15:24

after 2 years, you;ve never met his family? and you don;t live together ?

he changes the subject, keeps you apart from his family, won;t even talk about them?

alarms bells would be ringing for me, i;m afraid

ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:30

He's 27. He said he dislikes his dad and thats why he doesnt want to talk about him, regarding his mum he said he would rather me talk to her directly which seems odd to me, surely nobody goes upto someone as soon as you meet them and start asking them questions?? He said his friends are all immature and he doesnt want me to meet them as I wont like them, the one friend I did meet that time apparantly ripped the piss out of him afterwards saying he must've paid me to go with him.

I think he's ashamed of me sometimes, he's always making excuses as to why I cant meet anyone he knows.

I've spoken to his mum on the phone but only very briefly to let her know that he was on his way home.

OP posts:
singingmum · 07/04/2007 15:32

Did his mum know who you were?
I'd be 'reasearching his home address etc.'if it was me.
Very odd

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:32

How often do you see each other? Does he stay over at your house? How does he treat you generally? Apologies for all the Q's

ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:34

Well that's another thing...his mum did know why I was (by name at least) but I was playing around on 192.com a few weeks ago and put his last name in, nothing came up...I put his dads name in and nothing came up...confused I asked how come he wasnt on 192.com and he said he'd taken himself off it as he didnt think the should be able to release peoples details like that to take yourself off that though quite alot of faffing with forms and papers is involved so it's not like he did it on a whim, some thought has gone into it...? or am I just being paranoid?

OP posts:
singingmum · 07/04/2007 15:36

Have you checked on any other places like bt directory?
Does his name even exist anywhere?
I'd be very careful tbh

ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:40

Just looked on BT and there are a few people with his name but none with his or his dad's initials and none in his actual town...

OP posts:
October · 07/04/2007 15:43

Message withdrawn

WanderingTrolley · 07/04/2007 15:44

not a faff at all to get off 192.com

If I were you I'd be thinking he was ashamed of/embarrassed by me, or that he's married. But that's just my suspicious mind, not necessarily the case for you. He may well be thanking his lucky stars that he has a gf like you, and his crappy family etc might put you off him.

It's odd. Very odd.

Tell him to fess up or you take the private eye route.

paulaplumpbottom · 07/04/2007 15:45

Could he be married?

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:46

So... does he stay over at your house? How ofetn do you see him? Does he have a credit/debit card that he uses to pay for your dates, could you sneak a look at the name on that?

This is intriguing

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:47

Ive read about blokes like this in Take A Break mag!

ilovejared · 07/04/2007 15:49

I've seen his cards etc and they all have his name on... we see each other every fortnight.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 07/04/2007 15:53

For how long? A night a couple of days?

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:54

Mmmm! i think he may be married. Do you have your own suspicions?

October · 07/04/2007 15:54

Message withdrawn

Carmenere · 07/04/2007 15:55

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is usually a duck.
I would put money on him being married, sorry.

paulaplumpbottom · 07/04/2007 15:56

Any way you could follow him? Private investigator maybe?

LaDiDaDi · 07/04/2007 15:57

Alarm bells are definitely going off here!

I really do wonder if he is married/has another partner/has another life...

LaDiDaDi · 07/04/2007 15:58

Unless this whole thing is a bit trip trap...?