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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is a w##ker!!!

26 replies

bonkerz · 07/04/2007 12:37

Am SO fu##ed off with DH.
Have stormed upstairs and am now wondering how long i should stay up here?

Yesterday i bought an 8 man tent. We are spending alot this year on a new kitchen and basic refurb of house so cant afford a holiday. Decided on a whim that if i got this tent which was only £60 we could atleast go away fopr short holidays camping so the kids can still feel like they are having holidays! I paid for the tent.

Took it over the field today to attempt to put it up and asked DH to help thread poles etc. He made such a huge fuss about doing anything we ended up rowing big style and swearing loads at each other. Hate that we did this infront of the kids. The tent is now screwed up in shed not put away properly and DH downstairs playing marter to the kids and saying stuff like i knew you wouldnt go camping cos mummy has just given up etc. Now kids think im evil and i fucking hate my husband so much.

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 07/04/2007 12:51

everything else aside it is 100%, 1000% unacceptable for one parent to badmouth the other to the kids and he needs to stop it right now. get back downstairs to stop him!

did you decide on a tent or did the two of you decide on a tent - does he like camping? did you ask him for his input? could he have the arse on because of this?

but also, you know how (some) men get when they can't do things, especially manly things like erecting stuff!

i'd wait until the kids are asleep then talk. - if you didn't buy the tent and decide on camping together, begin by addressing this! otherwise, say how unacceptable it is to badmouth you to the children. ask him what he wants to do about the tent. take it from there.

xxxx

Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 12:53

am sat here stewing. he can be so nasty to me sometimes. I really did think buying a tent would save us alot of money and we can have some breaks away. Dont need to go far to feel like we are having a hoilday.
HATE DH so much.

So do i arrange to go out and get pissed tonight and saty at mates but not tell him im not coming home?
Do i shove kids in car and go visit my sister till monday?
Just sulk in the bedrrom all day?

OP posts:
Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 12:57

thanks for the reply. I did talk to him about buying the tent. He did say he wasnt happy about camping BUT after looking on internet realised it was a good deal and TBH he said OK on the basis that we could have a break in OCtober instead of staying at my sisters (who he doesnt like)!!!!

Im just as guilty of swearing in front of kids which we never do! He started saying stuff like 'more money wasted' and 'another whim of yours' so i told him it would need a proper man to help put tent up cos he couldnt even put shelves up! That ofcourse got things even more heated! He tends to be viscious just like me with his tongue. I was annoyed he was moaning about money and asked him when he last bought kids clothes and ofcourse he hated that too.

Just hate it that he cant support me in something like this.

Feel like goign down and taking his card and booking holiday in october in nice chalet and paying for it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 13:04

do i arrange to go out and get pissed tonight and saty at mates but not tell him im not coming home?

Do i shove kids in car and go visit my sister till monday?

Just sulk in the bedroom all day?

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 13:08

If it were me, I wouldn't let it spoile mine or the kids day. I would go back downstairs and be all happy smiley, get the tent out of the shed and go put it up myself, or at least pretend thats what i was doing are the kids old enough to help you?
I wouldn't lower myself to his level, nor would I let him see he had got to me. I would be the grown up in all this.

But thats just me. Feel free to hate me

Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 13:11

so wish i could be the grown up!
Tents way too big for one person to erect and kids are 5 and 6 so not really much help TBH.
Am seething too much from his out of order comments.
He always makes out like he is the better parent. He works, he pays the bills and im just the mummy. Doesnt matter that ive looked after 6 kids this week and despite earing a fortune can never get out of iverdraft due to food shopping and clothes for kids etc. He on the other hand can afford to buy 2 new TVs on a whim!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 13:15

But.... at the end of the day you will end up making up and being friends again it all seems so pointless on such a lovely day. Just think of the children Sod him and his 2 TV's!!! You show him that you don't need cash to be a good parent. Kids love happy, fun mummys. Now stop sulking and go out and play!!!

tigersEasterchick · 07/04/2007 13:22

Well said Ifonlyheknew! You can be sweetness and light to the children and civil to him if you like but you will have taken the moral high ground. Go and have some fun with your kids and show him what a good mummy you are.

elasticbandstand · 07/04/2007 13:31

you bought the tent but wanted him to put it up, that is so the sought of thing i would do shame aobut the row though... can you try again?

Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 15:14

I bought the tent but wanted some help putting it up! Its huge and not suitable for one person to do alone.

So anyway i went back downstairs and took the kids to the park. When i got back DH was stomping about the house moaning about the state of it. Then had the audacity to say im lazy and just sit on my arse all day!! I really wouldnt mind but i have looked after 6 kids this week ranging from age 1-10 and havent stopped. I took our children swimming yesterday and have not sat down today apart from my 40 minutes upstairs sulking after row. Have decided i am staying in this bedroom for the rest of the day!!! Really cant handle him when he is in this sort of mood and im so angry with him its impossible to be in same room together.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 07/04/2007 15:19

Not very nice for the kids to lose their mummy for the rest of the day just because you temporarily hate DH....

It seem this row has just brought up alot of resentment on your part about the distribution of money bewteen the two of you and responsibilities..

I suggest smiling for the rest of the day and when the kids are in ed crack open a bottle of wine and sit and have a cat about what really sparked the row...

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:26

That would be a lovely way to end the day Mumto3girls
I would certainly rise above childish behaviour of DH!! Think of the children, the little one's, not the BIG, stomping one!!

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 15:42

Oh yes... sending a huge pat on back for taking kids to park and for all you have done with SIX of them all week! You are a STAR! Don't let DH's childish behaviour get to you xx

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 07/04/2007 19:40

Hmm DH probably felt crap because as a MAN he is supposed to be able to do this like puts tents up but he can't do that = he isn't a man = your fault for buying the Man Test in the first place

Personally I HATE camping and this is just one of the many many reasons why

Caravan parks v. cheap though

Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 20:02

DH had been at the field with me playing football with the kids and i needed help just to lift the poles into position! I was trying to explain how to do it and he thought i was teaching him to suck eggs, needless to say he kept pulling on the poles which then kept coming out and the more i explained how to lift the poles the more he got angry.
Still havent spoke to him. His mother came over and we successfully put the tent up whilst DH sat on his arse watching sport!(2 women put up tent and looked after 3 kids!!!) OBVIOUSLY that hasnt gone down well either! Im now smug and very happy with my purchase. MIL has said she will come camping with me in OCotber with the kids and DH will not be welcome!!! This hasnt gone down well either (Dh does love his kids and hates being away from them!)
No easy way out of this except having an even bigger argument i think so will ignore him all weekend. Am back in my room and have put blamket and pillow at top of stairs, dont want him near me tonight! He said some nasty things to me and i need tyo calm down!

OP posts:
Nemo2007 · 07/04/2007 20:06

bonkerz will be on msn in hakf hour if you want to chat

LazyLine · 07/04/2007 20:24

Maybe you could just be the bigger person, go downstairs and apologise. Realise that you both treated each other badly and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

No-one wins when you sulk.

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucyLemon · 07/04/2007 20:31

Ahem,
Doesn't anybody know that you are SUPPOSED to argue when you put up a tent??

I have camped since I was a little thing and it simply wouldn't have been the same without my parents rowing.
I went camping with my sister the year before last with a borrowed tent - minus instructions, and we nearly killed each other putting it up until we realised how we were re-enacting scenes from years gone by. We then had a fab time after admitting we were being muppets.
I went camping last year with my dp and we silently grumped at each other until a neighbouring camper came and gave us a beer each.

So there you are. That's just how it goes.

Original poster
bonkerz · 07/04/2007 20:36

Totally agree i have been just as nasty and totally agree that the tent was the straw that broke the camels back really. Lots of other issues going on here and maybe this argument has been stewing for weeks.
Just so annoyed that DH thinks i bought the tent for selfish reasons when i can honestly say i was thinking of my kids and about how i can take them away cheaply. Stupidly i thought this was a good option!
Have a best friend who is gonna come camping with me and her kids so probably wont go with DH anyway TBH.
Just wanted abit of support with this decision and instead he made me out to be selfish, faddy, lazy, frivalous (sp?) and stupid.

OP posts:
LazyLine · 07/04/2007 20:52

bonkerz, I do know how you feel as DH and I often have silly rows over stupid stuff but only said what I said as whenever I sulk I always end up regretting it. Once you have left it so long you can't get out of it without another confrontation. I just think that if you sorted it out straight away, you could enjoy the rest of the bank holiday weekend with some degree of happiness.

Remember, it's only a tent. A TENT. Sure, you could argue that it represents something else, but in essence you are stropping with each other over a tent.

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elasticbandstand · 07/04/2007 21:53

ime a bank holiday weekend wouldn't be the same without a god almighty row!
my dh just had a week off which i was dreadin, only row was once, mainly cos i hve given up, still have 2 days lft so might be posting on here about my row!

hope you made it up.

Original poster
bonkerz · 08/04/2007 08:02

not made it up yet. Dh slept on sofa last night and is now sat silent on sofa. Am just getting ready then am taking kids to car boot then probably go park with picnic. Kids have asked if daddy wants to come but he says he has too much to do around the house!!!!!
Floating: in answer to your question about control i must say its usually me who makes the decisions TBH mainly beacuse if left to DH we would neevr get anything done! EXAMPLE 6 weeks ago he said he wanted a new TV, money all sorted but he is still trawling internet etc Must also add that i dont always get what i want though as most of the time has to pay for stuff so he always makes the final choice. Maybe he is annoyed because he didnt think of buying a tent!!!

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