Would you ignore these warning signs? Nightmare boyf?

[Sammy3519821982]

Ive been with someone a year and we dont live together. He is an extrememly clean and tidy person and very organised...eg finances. Immaculate house.

He used to joke "we can live together when u complete your training".. jokingly referring to housework. Hes stopped this now but still makes jokes like "when we live together youll have no time for x y z as youll be hoovering all time.. cringey "joke".

He commented that we have "different standards" which was insulting altho he accepted he has above average high standards which are ott. I moved house recently and he used to say "when u have a new place youll want to treat it really well" (my flat was always clean n tidy.. not immaculate tho!)

He goes on about how tired he is and how much he has "to do".. he lives alone in a nice house. Makes a huge deal of how ges washed my towel or hoovered up my hair in bathroom lol (i am very clean n tidy at his but yes i have ling hair and malt lol!)

He once said his friends say he needs a gf but he says he needs a cleaner

I know this all sounds like silly petty banter but im worried living with this guy would be a nightmare :-/

Anyone else live with someone like this and find its ok??

He thinks he's better than you and everyone else. He is telling you constantly that you are a failure and pretending it's a joke when you say any, he is minimising your feelings and making you feel bad. If it's like this now imagine 10 years down the line with kids when he's refusing to buy things because doesn't think they are needed and you're working part time so can't afford to buy things yourself. Run away now before you get in any deeper. He won't change because he doesn't think there is any to change.

Red that is my major concern... down line..kids... i can hear him now moaning he works so hard.. full time.. me "so lucky to be working only part time" and not pmy keeling house clean enough etc and i need to spend less money etc... really worrying...

1st gf age 33 and ended after 3 yrs because she and his mum didnt get on and gf said shed not go to sny family occssions and not let their kids go without her...

She saw the light and escaped. You'll regret living with and having kids with him.

The kids won't be able to be kids. Take heed

Why are you with him? And what future do you see with this man?

Wellthisisshit..in answer to ur q.. hr has good points and wants same from life as me.. family kids settle down. Hes loyal faithful would never ever cheat etc. Hes dependable etc.. i know.. need more i guess..:-/

He’ll be a shit dad, please don’t inflict him on your future children!

If you want loyal and faithful get a labrador.

You need to dump this miserable sod.

The more you say the worse it gets.

Bin him off now. His good points are meaningless. He sounds horrendous.

Supersky.. yes i think so :-/ i guess ive just tried to overlook negatives and focus on positives.. finding a decent guy is so hard! .. nobreason to settle i know. Thing is no one is perfect but i think he has too many negative points... :-/

Hills >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> are Thataway

No one is perfect... but the negatives with him are very serious.

It's one thing leaving the toothpaste cap off...or the toilet seat up...or not changing the loo roll ... but his behaviour will make marriage and family life hell.

Post after post of yours, OP, and I keep sceaming at the phone:

He
Is
NOT
JOKING!!!

Run for the hills or you'll regret it!

"He once said his friends say he needs a gf but he says he needs a cleaner "
No, he needs a personality transplant.

Maybe he has OCD, but that still doesn't excuse his attitude towards you, which is the real problem here.
Proceed at your own peril...

He will be a horrific father and will expect you to be a clone of his mother, guarantee she'll try and take over and call your babies hers as they're an extension of her precious boy and you were just the incubator. You'll never want to leave as you'll worry what the kids will be exposed to when they're with him.

Just RUN!

Sammy, life is very short so it should be filled with fun and a degree of carefree-ness. Life with this man will be miserable and draining. Don't do it to yourself.

My DH is much tidier than I am, but it works because we both compromise a bit. I clean and tidy more than I would if left to my own devices, he accepts that it's just not as important to me as it is to him.

If he's not going to compromise it sounds like it would be a nightmare.

plus hid obsession with money, saving, coupons, getting deals etc! ive felt more like his business partner than gf sometimes. He sent me a spreadsheet of pur holiday cost/spending money once. He keeps track of whose spending what..

how unpleasant. Generosity of spirit is a lovely trait in a partner - this really isn't it.

Does he hold grudges or tell you you shouldnt have spent this much money on something?

Yes super the "jokes" def are palmed off as jokes so that he can then say "just a joke.. youre over sensitive"

He's turning -his- flaw into -your- problem. Putting it back on you. Deeply unattractive and shit for the self esteem, once it gnaws away long enough. This is a known red flag for an abusive person. On its own it's not a huge deal but it's annoying and when there are othe red flags ....

Hes joked he would rule our kids with an iron rode!! Also has a thing about telling me hes good to me..

Ok, there's the next ... a really big one, about the children. ANd telling you how good he is.

The other thing is he genuinely believes hes better than others.. cos he has higher standards.. works harder.. etc etc. Never said hes better than me outright but joked im lucky to have him! :-/

and another

yep, time to run. Your children wouldnt be able to come home muddy, to be spontaneous, to enjoy life. He'd be a constricting straightjacket around your life and theirs.

Plait some red ribbons in the hair at the back of his head to warn the next gf ....

Why are you ignoring all these massive red flags waving right in your face???

He is telling your exactly who he is - please listen to him.

You can do much better than this.
Do NOT settle.
The more you write the worse it gets.

THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

OP I married a bloke almost exactly like this. He wasnt a clean freak, altough he did expext me to be, but everything else was the same - the lack of generosity, the keeping tabs on money, the relationship with his mother, the 'jokes'.

In hindsight, so many red flags i ignored.

I married him and got pregnant and it got worse. When i was pregnant, he got quite severely emotionally abisive. He resented the attention i got because i was pregnant. Hated the fact i was goi g to have a long 'holiday', would check my walk as he didnt want me to have a pregnancy waddle, monitored my eating.

When the baby arrived he was so unreservedly selfish. He just couldnt adapt his life and ways of doing things to make way for the baby.

I was so misrable for a long time.

We're divorced now and me and my DD live with just the most lofely bloke who if anything thinks Im better than him but i know im not.

My DD stays with her dad two nights a week and im constantly worried he'll start to demean her. He's in my life forever and he is a royal pain in the arse. I can never regret being with him because of DD but, if there is any way of giving her a different dad i would in a heart beat.

Please walk before you saddle yourself witb this bloke forever

Please ignore rubbisb spelling and grammar, struggling to fet used to new phone!

There is nothing decent about this bloke! Why on EARTH are you ignoring all these red flags that are hitting you in the face?! Are you that desperate? Because you're not doing any child a favour by even considering procreating with this person. He doesn't have OCD and these are not jokes, he's a controlling, emotionally abusive twunt and you're utterly daft to entertain him for another minute.

Thank you all again.. you been so helpful and I think ive known for a while its not good enough.. I need to end it :-/ I on match.com for 2 yrs dating before i met him..couldnt find anyone decent lol.. where are all the good ones? Lol

Gogodelores out of interest are u stil together? And has he got worse.he will get worse with age.. i joke hes vixtor meldrew lol. He once even said "im your worst nightmare".. jokingly of course.

One othee odd thing is he originally didnt try to overly make me feel at home.. im very respectful but it took 12 months to give me a key and once i tirned the heating up and he said "whaaaaat?".. agian jokingly but really didnt make me feel comfortable.

He also says if i tuen up with a 5p bag with food in "i hope u didnt buy that bag today.. thats a waste of 5p.. u must reuse...".. obsessed with saving money.. the ocpd link describes that its not so much controlling behaviour but "correcting".. he doesnt mean any harm .. hes"trying to save me money".. but of course drives me bonkers...

ogodelores out of interest are u stil together?

She said no, she is divorced and regrets the fact that her cunt ex is her child's father.

These are not jokes he is making, no matter how he couches you.

He is telling you that he is emotionally and financially abusive.

Why are you not listening and taking this so lightly? How much time have you spent with someone most people would have run a mile from after a date or two?

You seriously need to work on your self-esteem and boundaries before dating again, after you dump this controlling prick.

His behaviour should not just be 'driving your bonkers', it should send you running for the hills.

Not that I'm saying its acceptable! But in his eyes hes trying to save me money.. I dont need that though of course!