Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you ignore these warning signs? Nightmare boyf?

91 replies

Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 19:58

Ive been with someone a year and we dont live together. He is an extrememly clean and tidy person and very organised...eg finances. Immaculate house.

He used to joke "we can live together when u complete your training".. jokingly referring to housework. Hes stopped this now but still makes jokes like "when we live together youll have no time for x y z as youll be hoovering all time.. cringey "joke".

He commented that we have "different standards" which was insulting altho he accepted he has above average high standards which are ott. I moved house recently and he used to say "when u have a new place youll want to treat it really well" (my flat was always clean n tidy.. not immaculate tho!)

He goes on about how tired he is and how much he has "to do".. he lives alone in a nice house. Makes a huge deal of how ges washed my towel or hoovered up my hair in bathroom lol (i am very clean n tidy at his but yes i have ling hair and malt lol!)

He once said his friends say he needs a gf but he says he needs a cleaner

I know this all sounds like silly petty banter but im worried living with this guy would be a nightmare :-/

Anyone else live with someone like this and find its ok??

OP posts:
Velvetbee · 26/09/2017 21:46

No, no, no! Can you imagine him as a parent?!

PickAChew · 26/09/2017 21:47

Being generous, he sounds too much like hard work.

More likely, he'll be painfully controlling and try to dictate how you spend your every moment, how you dress, wear your hair, what weight you are and consequently what you're allowed to eat.

It's not just bantz.

CoyoteCafe · 26/09/2017 21:48

It's not the OCD that had me say run for the hills, it is his telling you quite clearly that you will not be allowed to have your own life and own interests. That's a red flag waving wildly.

He isn't looking for a partner, he's looking for someone to enable his mental illness.

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 21:49

Yes super the "jokes" def are palmed off as jokes so that he can then say "just a joke.. youre over sensitive"

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 21:50

Yoko.. mums house is pristine.. hes mentionned b4 she stayed home raised kids kept house looking lovely.. he is spit of his mum

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 26/09/2017 21:50

Well I have to say he doesn't sound very sexy.

Is it a turn on if he has to fold his pants neatly before getting into bed? Confused

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 21:52

Thank u for all the comments.. really helpful! He is very fussy, perfectionnist etc etc... oh gosh... :-/

OP posts:
gingergenius · 26/09/2017 21:55

This is not OCD (which a very specific anxiety disorder) this is a need to control his environment. You would be wise to avoid!

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 21:56

He has saod the odd comment re weight too which worries me.. well not weight but jokingly calling me greedy if i eat 2 sweets etc. And once i said no to desert and i memtionned i was watching weight (im half stone over weight.. i know i am). I said watching my weight as ive put on a bit.. his reply was "what u going to do about it?".. that annoyed me!! No gf wants to hear thag..he said well i can support u help u etc.. again a girl wants to be told yourr great as u are.. not oh well i will help you lose weighta

OP posts:
YokoReturns · 26/09/2017 21:58

Really, OP, he is not husband or father material. The personality disorder is generational. I’m in the midst of sorting out DH’s crippling anxiety, because his parents gave him the wrong tools to deal with life. It’s fucking exhausting.

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 21:58

Yes sammy.. he has to be in control of his environment.. gets very cross with himself if he does something wrong.. missed bus on hol once and my god he kept saying how he cant believe he messed times up.. said how he never makes these sorts mistakes how he always double checks info and on and on about how he cant believe he made this error...

OP posts:
CoyoteCafe · 26/09/2017 21:58

Bin him.

If in doubt, imagine him talking to your future daughter the way he does to you.

iggleypiggly · 26/09/2017 21:59

OCD is a debilitating, distressing illness. Not to be mocked in this way. He clearly is a clean freak, maybe has obsessive cleaning habits? I couldn't live with someone like that! Would drive me nuts!

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 22:00

Yes yoko.. ur right... i think his mum treated him too well lol.. still does.. his siblimgs joke hes a mummys boy.. he really is! Well she sees him as golden boy... darling precious darling prrfect son... yawn :-/

OP posts:
YokoReturns · 26/09/2017 22:03

Yes, OP, DH is an only child and MIL doesn’t recognise anything I do for him. Whatever I do, I’m in the wrong. I really would run for the hills if I were you...

another20 · 26/09/2017 22:06

.....it is his telling you quite clearly that you will not be allowed to have your own life and own interests. That's a red flag waving wildly.

^^
This.

Totally controlling. Totally suffocating.

His friends have the measure of him.

Whats his relationship history?

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 22:07

Hes joked he would rule our kids with an iron rode!! Also has a thing about telling me hes good to me.. when he does a small thing like help me fix something.. and says he doesnt want to be taken for granted (ive never taken him for granted and always thanked him for anythinf he does.m funny thing is he doesnt do anything above what a normal.person would do..not generous with treats, dinner or flowers etc.. i mean i have my own money i dont need his but in a relationship its nice to be treated occasionally and not feel iike theyre keeping tabs...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 22:08

Umm.. in response to relationship query.. 1st gf age 33 and ended after 3 yrs because she and his mum didnt get on and gf said shed not go to sny family occssions and not let their kids go without her...

OP posts:
abigailgabble · 26/09/2017 22:09

errrr... what are his good points? he sounds like a controlling nutcase.

PsychedelicSheep · 26/09/2017 22:09

OCPD is the most common personality disorder out of the 10. It isn’t easy to treat, even if the person is willing and motivated to change. Which this guy isn’t. I would never, ever date someone like this man in a million years. It will only get worse.

PickAChew · 26/09/2017 22:10

Gosh, he likes his nasty little jokes, doesn't he?

RUN!

Would you ignore these warning signs? Nightmare boyf?
AdoraBell · 26/09/2017 22:10

Walk away. He is telling you who he is and that won't change.

Original poster
Sammy3519821982 · 26/09/2017 22:11

The other thing is he genuinely believes hes better than others.. cos he has higher standards.. works harder.. etc etc. Never said hes better than me outright but joked im lucky to have him! :-/

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 22:13

He sounds like an arsehole, you sound like it's not your housework standards that are low, but your relationship standards.
You've not described a single decent thing about him. Why are you with him?

TheVanguardSix · 26/09/2017 22:15

Oh my God.
Ain't nothing to discuss here.
Get your skates on and bail!