Hi everyone ,
This is my first time posting on mumsnet. I'm 23, two children (DS-4 , DD-18month) and my partner of 6 years left me 3 weeks ago without warning. I just need some reassurance that everything will be ok.
I'll give a brief insight into my life / relationship (its long so bare with me)
6 years we've been together ... 7 times he's walked out. Sometimes for a day, one time lasted 7 months, last year it was 2 months. I really don't know why I put myself through this pain?? :(
I'm a student (paediatric nursing) in my 3rd year. Shifts are long , tiring and I'm emotionally drained on a daily basis. sex became rare .... which was where most of our arguments stemmed from.
I have a prolapse from the birth and recently he had told me I had put on weight. I guess that's the real reason I didn't want it?
We went on a family holiday 4 weeks ago ... everything was fine. We laughed and loved and I felt immensely lucky (as I always do).... he told me every day he loved me , held my hand and cuddled up at night. Final night he smacked our DS. I was mortified... it was farrrrr to hard. So I put my arm up to prevent from hitting him again and he kicked (and very nearly broke) my right elbow.
We never have had a violent relationship , never . So that behaviour came as a complete shock to me? (But this is why I believe he's now left). From here we continued normal family life.
This was the Tuesday. By Friday he was gone. A friend of mine had messaged telling me had complemented her photos via Facebook inbox and was very interested in her single status. He went to stop at his dads house for a weekend (to give each other some space) BUT never returned.
The Monday he was due back I called , he sent a text saying he was going to Vegas and it was over, no going back.
I bombarded him with texts , calls, snap chats, for answers , I wrote a letter, ignored them all. Stupid me.
I then received videos of him having a great time in Vegas , a pool party. I instantly sent abuse telling him never to come home. His response was pictures of him having sexual activity with prostetutes. telling me how "tight" they were. Mortified.
I'm here 3/4 weeks later .... still can't find a way forward whilst he has moved out , loving life , going out every weekend , booked another holiday for next week and already on other dating sites? How is he so happy whilst I'm struggling to even get out of bed. I can't go to university , I can barely smile in the playground when dropping my son at school.
He did this the week before our son was to start primary school, how dare he! He's explanation was "we just aren't right for each other, we want different things out of life?" What a pile of s**t what he means is financially im not at his level yet and I'm a burden on him.
Every day I've asked to talk, try and figure out and actually considered forgiving him (am I deluded ????)
He's now laughing at me. He comes to pick the children up for tea twice a week (for 2 hours) and laughs at me whilst I'm in bits at the door. "Get a new fella and move on"
He's evil. Im so in love with him though it's unreal , we were just buying our first house together (well he was) for our family. His dad wanted me to sign to say I wouldn't take any money should we split up (the cheek)! His family have always had something against me. his mum even sent a message to say it serves me right for booking a holiday when I should be saving for a mortgage? I never go out with friends , I work/uni 24/7 and she has the authority to tell me what I should do with my money? I took her son and our children away and this is how he repays me. Maybe she should be educating her son on paying for wasting his money on prostetutes and new cars.
I do however have a bunch of supportive family and friends , Im living with my dad at the moment with the kids (he's amazing!) he's now doing the rooms up for us (so I can stay here and save for as long as I neee to) and everyone is rallying round me to keep pushing forward.
At night I find myself obsessing over where he is. Who's he with? What's he doing?. I'm trying to catch him out so that I have a reason to understand why he left. He says there's no other woman , but he's taken girls to hotels before (for sex) and I was at home none the wiser.
Sorry for waffling , I don't know how I'm going to get though this.
Deep down I know he isn't good for me. I know I don't deserve this! But for some reason I have this mental block that only remembers the amazing times together as a family..... not the man who is ruled by his willy and Walked out on his girlfriend and 2 children.
Please help